TEKKEN 7 Finally Gets Interesting (To Me)

<3

Happy new year!

Previous visitors will likely know this, but it takes something pretty significant to actually make me update this blog - or at least finish an update without just leaving it to rot (had a thing on all this year's big movies but couldn't summon enough energy to get all the way through).  They will also know that Nina Williams absolutely falls within the 'something pretty significant' category.

So yesterday's announcement of her long-overdue addition to Tekken 7 - in time for its Fated Retribution update (those subtitles aren't getting any less silly, Namco) - would be pretty much guaranteed to get my brain working, even if there wasn't something immediately obvious to talk about, namely:

...girl, the hell you wearin'?

Comic Musing: The SECRET WARS Retrospective Post (Updated)

Doom's signalling for the Cosmic RKO!

So!  Secret Wars, then.  Since I finally wrapped up my exhaustive preview blog, Marvel's big summer event lurched into life...and kept lurching, and still is lurching even as summer becomes a hazy memory.  What was once an 8-issue series (not the 12-issue one I somehow thought it was...sorry) has become 9-issues long, and will likely keep rolling through to December at this rate, even as most books reset under the 'All-New All-Different' banner and go back to a non-Battleworld reality.

That said, most of the SW tie-in books have either wrapped up or will do so over the course of October, and given how much time and money I've sunk into them, I feel obliged to share some final thoughts on those I've read.  This post should be considered a work-in-progress, and will be expanded as more series conclude. (Updated on 26/10/15)

Time Capsule: The Matt Smith Era, Part 4

 A deep, dark part of me wishes his hair had stayed this mental

for the rest of his time on the show.

See what happens when I take some time away from work?  All of a sudden I'm overwhelmed with the need to blog.

Time Capsule has been left to linger for a whole year, and while that's quite apt given the name, it does show just how little effort I've been able to put into this site recently.  But there's no time like the present to change that, so let's pick up where we left off with new-Who series 6, a.k.a series 32 in total.  Amy's been pregnant, then not, and has been getting taunted by a lady with an eyepatch who can open catflaps in reality, the Doctor remains unaware of the death he's marching towards, and Rory, well, Rory died again for a hot minute.  It's all getting so exciting!

Click ahead to see how quickly that excitement dies.

Comic Musing: JUDGE DREDD: DARK JUSTICE

Judge Death anxiously awaits the dawn of 3D comics,

so he can poke out your eyes with his gross fingernails.

Oh hey, it's another infrequent update.  Hiya!  Hope you're keeping well.

Anyways - comics.  Secret Wars, which I've gone over before, is now well-underway, and it's been taking up a considerable chunk of my attention...not to mention my wallet.  But it's not the be-all end-all of my funnybook affections - in particular, I'll always have time for some properly British weirdness from 2000AD, the weekly anthology book/deliverer of Betelguesian THRILL-POWER (delete as apt) which the uninitiated would best recognise as home of Judge Dredd, fascistic future policeman.  The majority of great comic talents from this damp little island, on both the writing and art sides, earned their stripes in 2000AD before applying for work with the big American publishers - and like bands that began underground or pro wrestlers coming from the independent circuit, it's frequently their 2000AD work that shows them at their most ingenious and daring.

...having said that, the creators at play on Dark Justice - a Dredd story first serialised in 2000AD Progs 2015 and 1912 to 1921, and now available as a handsome hardcover collection - don't fit that mould.  John Wagner created Dredd with Carlos Ezquerra back in 1977 and has stuck with that world, and the company that features it, ever since, while Greg Staples has lent his masterfully moody painting many comics publishers, Magic: The Gathering cards, film concept work, you name it.  This isn't the work of developing talent, it's pros at the top of their game.

It is also a story about lisping zombie policemen murdering people on a spaceship.  You need a review beyond that?  Really?  Fine, let's dig into the necrotic flesh a little deeper.

The SPLATOON War Journal

FRONTLINE REPORT

INKOPOLIS LIBERATION CAMPAIGN

DAY 29

Report filed by 1LT Crawfish 'Craig Macd' MacMackerel

Two rooks fresh out of selection

War.  War has changed after all.

Used to be, I could tell who the enemy was just by looking at their eyes, their flags, their tentacles.  And you knew what you were fighting for.  All those long, sticky days trudging through hostile ink down in the valley, gradually wearing down strongholds until we could take out the Octarians' weapons of mass stainage - oh, they were real.  Very real.  Don't let the limp-suckered media types tell you different.  I lost 3 good men to the Octomaw.  Watched them get swallowed up, struggling to reach past its reinforced teeth before it bit down and, splat.  Gone forever.  Nobody came out of that valley unmarked, but we never doubted the mission.  We were keeping people safe.

These days?  These days I see the same faces on the other side of the field as I do among my own squad.  There are no superweapons to secure, no evil mastermind waiting to be toppled.  Just endless proxy battles between factions, with no high goal than keeping YOUR colour more prosperous than THEIR colour.  All happening out in the streets of our own city.  Somehow I doubt anyone feels 'safe' anymore.

But, I'm a soldier, and this is still a war.  A turf war.  And I'm going to fight.

Opinion Blog: Ranking the POWER RANGERS Theme Songs

Really wish they'd do pics like this for the non-red colours.

After another unexplained absence from blogville (albeit not as long as it looks, given the repeated updates on the Secret Wars post), I feel like I need to do something kinda small and silly to get things going again.  No complex reviews (hence no Age of Ultron reaction post, though suffice to say I enjoyed it a lot) or long nights spent photographing toys.  Just a simple 'here's what I think and why' based on something that's close to hand, and close to my heart.

If I haven't made clear before, Power Rangers?  Very close to my heart.  I was lucky enough to be exactly the right age when the Mighty Morphin' series started - bear in mind, we weren't nearly as inundated with superhero films back in the early-to-mid 90s as we are now, so seeing tights-wearing superpowered types in a context outside of animation on a regular basis felt magical.  And they had huge robots!  And basically everything on the show exploded at some point!  What's not to love?

In more recent years, I've gone back to the somehow-still-ongoing show, and watched its evolutions, even as its production shifted from Saban to Disney to Saban again.  There've been ups and downs - the kind which I think I'll go back to for a future post, time willing - but the principles of the show have remained the same.  Simple moral lessons.  Rubber suit monsters.  Morphing.  Robots.  Martial arts.  Stuff exploding.  Greatness.  Oh, and badass theme songs.  But, not all themes are created equal, so here is my definitive (ish) ranking of all Ranger title themes to date, from Mighty Morphin' to Dino Charge, worst to best.

Now Playing: RESIDENT EVIL REVELATIONS 2

 In which Capcom get desperate and

recycle the box art from Condemned 2: Bloodshot.

Developed and Published by Capcom.

Released throughout March 2015 (download version), end of March 2015 (disc version)

Available on PlayStation 4, PlayStation 3, Xbox One, Xbox 360.

Version reviewed:  PlayStation 3 (disc)

It's been pretty difficult to talk about Resident Evil lately.  The more time passes, the less fond memories I seem to have, and there seem to be fewer and fewer people around who actually want to hear about it.  Whatever happened to all the enthusiastic gushing about dogs through windows and tangled conspiracies?

...okay, a succession of duff games on the trot is what happened.  Like most major publishers these days, Capcom couldn't just leave Resident Evil to BE Resident Evil, because succeeding within a niche somehow wasn't enough.  It had to be a shoot-em-up with online components!  And microtransactions!  And a dedicated multiplayer mode!  But don't forget it's meant to be scary, too!  We'll put that somewhere between 'mud physics' and 'protagonist junk size' on the priorities list.

Even so, it wasn't all bad.  Somewhere between the glitchy nonsense of Operation Raccoon City and...the also glitchy nonsense of RE6 came RE Revelations, and it was, mostly, good.  The gunplay was still in the mold of the unloved RE5 but the all-too-human enemies had been swapped out for intimidating bullet-sponge sea monsters, the pacing was slowed down and atmosphere turned up...other than a lack of obtuse door-lock puzzles, it felt like the old days were clawing their way back.

And now here comes Revelations 2.  Is this the promised land?  Do we finally have the game we can point at and say, "yes, THIS is what Resident Evil should be?"  Short version, no, we don't.  But it's not all doom and gloom just yet.

Comic Musing: Craig's SECRET WARS Series-by-Series Thoughtlog (Updated)

This is what it's like when worlds COLLIIIIIIIIIDE

*Powerman 5000 continues*

By now you'll have heard the news that Marvel Comics are - 

...oh, you didn't hear it because you don't pay attention to comics because you, quite rightly, have better things to do with your time?  Fair enough.

Uh, so you may or may not have heard that from this coming May onwards, Marvel Comics are once again hosting a Secret Wars event series, taking the same name from a decades-old multi-title crossover that threw an abundance of heroes and villains from all walks of life onto an unfamiliar world, and left them to wreck each others' shit for the amusement of a cosmic jackass.  It was pretty good fun, Spider-Man got his black suit out of it, there was a whole mess of toys released, and if you're a reader of a certain age you probably remember it fondly.

Secret Wars 2015 has almost nothing to do with that, and given that it's unavoidable, it's high time I sorted out my thoughts on its ideas and parts.

Toy Review: TEKKEN BISHOUJO NINA WILLIAMS

 Silently wondering who the first clown will be to

try making a grab for the goods.

First things first, welcome to 2015 on the blog!  No, I didn't die in some nuclear catastrophe toward the end of last year, I just got caught up in a bunch of non-blog stuff that kinda torpedoed my drive to keep updating this page.  Plus, there wasn't a hell of a lot to talk about - I mean, I could've done a post on Smash Bros. but, why?  Do you need me to tell you it's good?  No, you do not.

But as ever, I'll always drag my arse back here when there's something worthwhile Tekken related to discuss.  And the release of the series' first lady in the Bishoujo statue line - shamefully 3+ years after the line debuted - feels like justification enough.

Let's hit it!  But not too hard, it might break and these things are expensive.

Opinion Blog: The Worst Bosses of my Gaming Life

 An all-too-familiar sight for Teen Me.

Look, I love games.  Of course I do.  My recent weeknights have been spent alternating between Hyrule Warriors, Bayonetta 2, Lego Batman 3 and a return to BioShock 2 (in case you were wondering why updates are so infrequent).  Real life is dull and exhausting and full of rules nobody can explain but must all be followed at all times.  Games are lively, untiring and make their rules plain.

Even so, if there's anything more guaranteed to sour my mood than a BOSS FIGHT~, it's...probably my actual job, honestly, but still, bosses.  A good boss can be many things: that one last hurdle before the triumph of the end credits, a despicable sod you can't wait to pummel, the final exam for all the tricks you've learned in the hours before.  Sadly, it's all too easy for none of these ideas to stick and you end up with a bad boss, one whose presence cripples the game around it rather than enhancing it.  We've all got our personal hall of shame.  Here's mine.

Craig's Token Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase 3 Thought Post

 Love the reactions in this shot.  Downey's smug bow, Evans' mildly

embarassed aw-shucks wave, and Boseman all 'OMG OMG IS THIS REAL??'.

So, unless you live under a rock, or simply don't care about this kind of thing, you've likely already heard what was revealed at Marvel Studio's exclusive-attendance press event last week.  The entirety of 'phase 3', the next solid block of films taking place within the universe defined by The Avengers has been charted, and so now we know every step on the path to cinema's current greatest heroes facing their ultimate - final? - battle.

Obviously, this is big news, and hundreds of other sites have been scraping over the details, running any number of rumours to try and gain hits.  Me, I'm late to the party, and I sure as hell don't have any inside sources to tantalize you with...but I slacked off and let this blog rot during October, and it's high time that changed.  At least this is something I'm enthusiastic about, so the writing should come easy.

Now Playing: HYRULE WARRIORS

 One of these days, that scarf's gonna wrap over his eyes

and he'll stab himself by mistake.

Developed by Omega Force.

Co-published by Nintendo and Tecmo-Koei.

Released mid-September 2014.

Format: WiiU exclusive.

Hold the presses - Nintendo farm out prized characters for unrelated spin-off title from lesser studio!  NEWS AT ELEVEN!

Actually, no, that's uncalled for.  While Nintendo absolutely deserve the snark they get for, say, Mario and pals showing up in an NBA-branded basketball game, they are generally more cautious with a few of their other big names, like Metroid or Kirby or, in this case, Legend of Zelda.  Whether or not that's down to producer demands or an attempt to preserve those titles' status by restricting their appearances to only core games is unclear; actually, it might simply be down to these series all picking one particular game 'style' and sticking with it, whilst Mario in his first 3 core titles (Donkey Kong, Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros) went through 3 wildly different takes on what a platform game can be, so he's always been fairly malleable in that regard.

But let's just say a big 'whatever' to all that because now there's a Zelda Musou game and Nintendo would really like you to buy it okay.

Film Reaction: TEKKEN 2: KAZUYA'S REVENGE

 Hooray for lazy re-used art assets!

Okay then.  I can do this.  I can do this.

For those of you not as prone to chasing up every Tekken-related newsbit as I am, here's a quick catch-up: the earlier Tekken movie, released in either 2009 or 2010 by Crystal Sky Productions, made virtually no money in its super-limited cinema run before heading to DVD markets, but producers are a funny lot who can make excuses for anything, so somebody decided they really needed to keep hold of the license rights.  A couple years pass and some word-of-mouth goes around about a planned prequel movie titled Tekken: Rise of the Tournament, with Ong-Bak's Prachya Pinkaew set to direct.  Some people (me, mostly) get a bit excited.  This movie does not happen.

Months later, actor/martial artist Kane Kosugi excitably blabs about getting the lead role in Tekken: The Man Called X.  Most assume this is the prequel under a new title.  A few days after that, Kosugi's talent agency issues a retraction, saying the film is actually titled Agent X and has nothing to do with the Tekken license.  The production goes on with little to no further notice.

Finally, in August 2014, the film's trailers debut little over a week from its planned straight-to-video release...and announce it as Tekken 2: Kazuya's Revenge.  No sign of anyone called X anywhere but Kosugi is definitely front and center.  I have watched it.  Now you watch as I attempt to make sense of it all.

Time Capsule: The Matt Smith Era, Part 3

Forever of 2 minds as to whether this coat was an improvement on

the Geography-teacher jacket.  River needed a glitzier dress for sure, though.

Wow, is that the time?  Haha pun.  But it's been a while since the last Time Capsule post and...yeah, I may have been putting it off deliberately.  Matt Smith's first season is a joyride for me, but his second is much harder to sit through.  It's at this point that Steven Moffat gets fixated on his own long-term story arcs at the expense of individual episodes, and - well, we'll see how that turns out as I go over each one, piece by piece.

Put the kettle on and buckle up.

Further Adventures of Minimate Nina, part четыре: A Day Unlike Any Other

Nighttime, at a news office on the outskirts of the city...

(Don't ask which city.  There is only one.  The city.)

Nina:  Porn, porn, angry editorial about some spider-guy, weather forecast, porn, sports...ugh.

And this chair is tiny and really cramping my butt.  Guess it was a long shot

to expect this rag to have anything on new organised crime outfits...

though maybe I can break into the CIA from here - 

SUDDENLY THE POWER CUTS!

Nina:  This isn't going to be the good kind of surprise, is it?

???:  Miss Williams!  On the authority of SHIELD, you are under arrest!  Come out of the 

building with your hands empty and there won't be any trouble!

Iron Man:  You don't really expect her to go for that, do ya?

Captain America:  No, not really.  That's why you're all here.

AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE!

Click through for more.

The Comic-Con 2014 TEKKEN Update Post

Behold the power of Unreal 4!

Old people have never looked more wrinkly!

So, it's Saturday the 26th as I type.  Namco-Bandai's had its panel at SDCC, and with it comes the biggerer, longerer, melodramaticerer Tekken 7 teaser and the first scraps of info regarding the game.  I debated whether they were meaningful enough to justify an entirely new post after covering the EVO trailer already, but then something else happened, and dear God I need to share it.  I need to.  To purge it.

Click through if your bowels are ready.

Thoughts on the TEKKEN 7 Announce Trailer

Om nom nom.

Well that took longer than it had any bloody right to.

But yes, for those who missed the news, on the last day of this year's EVO tourney, Katsuhiro Harada officially announced the next entry in the Tekken series, Tekken 7.  Yes, Tekken 7, not Tekken X Street Fighter, Tekken Square-Goals Virtua Fighter, Tekken Invites Battle Arena Toshinden to Come And Have A Go, or indeed Craig's Idealised and Completely Imaginary Tekken RPG.  (dang)  Even so, it's a new, full-fledged 'core' Tekken title, so maybe that'll be enough to shut up everyone who's been whinging about the devs spending too much effort on Revolution?

...no, of course not.  It's the internet.  But, while we wait for Comic-Con and hopefully some actual gameplay, here's my brilliant, senses-staggering insight into what this trailer tells me about the game.

GET READY FOR THE NEXT MISINFORMATION!!

Now Playing: TRANSFORMERS: RISE OF THE DARK SPARK

 lolwut

Developed by Edge of Reality.

Published by ActiVision.

Released late June 2014.

Formats: PS4, Xbox One, PS3, Xbox 360, Wii U, PC

Version played:  Wii U

So.  Another Transformers movie.  And y'know what, after sitting through 3 of them already and getting progressively more and more pissed off with each occurrence, to the point where I firmly declared Dark of the Moon had 'killed Optimus Prime forever', I'm not wasting time and money on a cinema visit (not when I can just skim the plot summary on Wikipedia and, yep, sounds horrid).  On the other hand, there's always games!  High Moon's War for Cybertron was a fun third-person blaster with a too-murky art style but a lot of charm under the hood, and its sequel Fall of Cybertron lost the co-op mode but compensated nicely by giving the characters more unique abilities, playing with bigger set-pieces and coming up with more inventive, varied environments.  I'd happily play a few more of those!

...that's not quite what I'm getting from Rise of the Dark Spark.

Toy Pictorial: The Nintendo Trinity

In this dark time of reduced articulation, shelf-warmers, novelty gimmicks that don't work and G.I. Joe not really doing anything despite being on an anniversary year, it's comforting to know that the Japanese specialist market is still churning out some gold, provided you've got the money.  Which is a needlessly grim way of saying I've got the leads of the 3 best Nintendo franchises (no I do not rank Kirby or Donkey Kong up there, thankyou) in posable figure form and I could not be more happy about it.

More pics after the jump.

Film Reaction Retro: PANDORUM (2009)

 I've been staring at this poster for 15 minutes and

I still don't know what the hell it's showing me.

Blergh.  I hate leaving this blog to rot for any length of time now.  Unfortunately, I'm thumping my head against a brick wall trying to put together anything clever toy-related, and the last two movies I saw in the cinema, while okay for the most part, just...look, you want my reaction to Godzilla?  'Ehhhh'.  That's my reaction.  And X-Men Days of the Future Past that are also Past Futures to the Future Past Future had some lovely moments though it still feels like a bungled step after First Class.  Both those points have been made better elsewhere, and I got beaten to the punch on most of 'em since both films opened in the States before Europe (which seems to be the less likely option these days).  And I'm still trying to think up something good to rant about in the gaming world after that Resi post, so...hmmm...

...I guess I don't have to limit myself to new movies, do I?  Okay, so let's talk about a random sci-fi horror film that made basically no money.