Behold...SPECIALIST TRAKKER!

Exactly why I've become infatuated with Specialist Trakker is beyond me.  Maybe it's the brilliant juxtaposition he represents; the neat hair, icy expression and sharp cheekbones give him a smart look, like an Aryan James Bond; the functional but oddly-coloured uniform looks like something from Buck Rogers or Dan Dare; so you're just about ready for a space-age British spy-cum-soldier of fortune...and then he puts a bucket on his head and wears what can best be described as a neon green helicopter backpack.  It's beyond ridiculous, but in a good way.  And since I've seen very little support for this guy elsewhere, here's my tribute to Trakker, in story form.

Duke:  "Pit Actual, this is Duke!  We're being pinned down by two oversized

funny-coloured Daleks!  They already killed...uhm...what's that guy's name?"

Ripcord:  "Shit son, I ain't gonna know his cracka name!"

Duke:  "God, I miss the days when you were white.  They killed the ginger

guy who drives the weird small tank, Actual!  We need fire support and we need it NOW!" 

???:  "TALLY-HO, JOE!"

Duke:  "The hell - ?"

Ripcord:  "That's wack, homes!"

Trakker:  "Not to worry, lads, Specialist Trakker is reporting for duty, ready to give

those dratted Cob-rahs a bloody good thrashing, what-what!"

Duke:  "Chrissakes, I ask for reinforcements and I get this guy..."

Ripcord:  "Get yo' funky ass outta here, playa!"

Duke:  "Yeah, not that we don't appreciate the help, but we were kinda hoping

for something other than a spaceman with an Inspector Gadget rucksack, okay?"

Trakker:  "WHAT?!"

 Trakker:  "I'll teach you to mock, you Yank sod!"
NUTSHOT!
Duke:  "BLORG!"
Ripcord:  "Sheeeyit!"

 STUNNER!

 Trakker:  "Hmph!  The General will be hearing about this little fracas, good sir!
In the meantime, just lay there and watch how a true gentleman handles
the situation!"
Duke:  "Guhhh..."

 Ripcord:  "I'm gon' go get me some fried chicken.  Whatcha wanna do about him?"
Duke:  "Just...just let him go.  He's got this one...god, my balls..."

 Dalek Scientist:  "THE HU-MANS ARE RE-TREA-TING!"
Dalek Drone:  "AS EX-PEC-TED!  THEY ARE A WEAK CRE-A-TION, DA-LEKS
ARE SU-PER-I-OR IN EV-E-RY WAY!"

 ???:  "Look to the skies and tremble, villains!"
Dalek Drone:  "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS NOW?"
Dalek Scientist:  "SCAN-NING..."

 Trakker:  "It is I, Trakker!  Surrender or you'll get such a thrashing you won't be able
to sit down for at least two months!  Er, assuming you oddly-shaped
fellows can sit down at all."

 Dalek Drone:  "THIS WAS NOT A FAC-TOR IN OUR STRA-TE-GY!"
Dalek Scientist:  "DON'T LOOK AT ME, STRA-TE-GY IS THE OR-ANGE GUY'S JOB."
Dalek Drone:  "SUP-POSE WE'D BET-TER JUST SHOOT HIM THEN."

 Dalek Drone:  "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!  GOD, IT MAKES ME FEEL SO HOT
WHEN-E-VER IS SAY THAT!"
*ZAPPY DALEK GUN NOISE!*
Trakker:  "Uh-oh, engine failing!"

 Trakker:  "Oof."

 Dalek Scientist:  "WHAT A COM-PLETE TWAT."
Dalek Drone:  "SUB-JECT'S LIFE-SIGNS STILL AC-TIVE!  SEC-URE FOR
TRANS-FER TO THE CRU-CI-BLE!"
Dalek Drone:  "DO WE STILL HAVE A CRU-CI-BLE?  I THOUGHT THAT THING BLEW UP."
Dalek Drone:  "BUG-GER, YOU'RE RIGHT.  SEND HIM TO SKA-RO IN-STEAD!"
Dalek Scientist:  "THAT PLACE EX-PLOD-ED TOO."
Dalek Drone:  "BLOO-DY HELL!  JUST SHOOT HIM SOME MORE THEN!"

 Ripcord:  "C'mon brah, git up!  GIT UP!"

 Trakker:  "Go 'copter-pack!"
Dalek Drone:  "AL-ERT!  UN-I-DENT-I-FIED TECH-NO-LO-GY STICK-ING TO
MY FACE!"

 Trakker:  "Would you mind holding this for me, sir?"
Dalek Scientist:  "VI-SION IM-PAIRED!  VI-SION IM-PAIRED!"

 Dalek Drone:  "DEF-EN-SIVE SHIELDS FAIL-ING!"
Trakker:  "Be a good sport and fall down now, will you?"
BUDDA-BUDDA-BUDDA!

 BOOM!
Dalek Drone:  *DEATH WAIL*

 Trakker:  "I learned this one off my dear girl Friday, Mrs. Peel!  KIYAH!"
BONK!
Dalek Scientist:  "NO!  IM-PACT ON PRE-VI-OUS-LY UN-HEARD-OF
DA-LEK WEAK POINT DE-TEC-TED!"

 BOOM!
Dalek Scientist:  *DEATH WAIL*

 Trakker:  "Done and dusted - and we'll still be home in time for the
weekend Corrie catch-up session."
Ripcord:  "Dayum!"

Specialist Trakker, the only probably-not-American American Hero you need!