Toy Review: G.I. Joe Retaliation Wave 3

However troubled the release of G.I. Joe Retaliation was, it's fair to say that Hasbro have had it even worse trying to make the accompanying toy line work out how they wanted it to.  First, the movie's rapid pre-production cycle left the figure designers with no time to make true movie-accurate figures for the initial wave, instead being forced to settle for a mix of unused concept art looks and some of their own ideas that had been festering for a while.  Then word got around about the reduced articulation among those first figures - a necessity to keep costs down, but realities like that rarely mean anything to a fanbase united by the internet.  (IMHO, when I finally picked up those first figs, I found more to my liking than most did...but I do wish a few could be remade somehow with better joints, Zartan especially)

And then, of course, the movie got delayed almost a full year, despite Hasbro having got their act together and prepared a sensible release pattern for the latter, more appealing figures.  Those figures were promptly recalled and forced to sit in warehouses for long, long months, until finally the movie's promo train got back on the go.  As a result, the old scheduling went out the window, and with Wave 3 Hasbro have just said 'screw it' and combined two waves of releases into one, hence a full 12 new figures all arriving at once.  Me being a completionist dork, I had to buy them all on principle - but honestly, with a few pet peeves here and there notwithstanding, this was absolutely worth it.

Toy Review: G.I. Joe Kre-Ons Wave 1 + Checkpoint Alpha

Let the battle begin!

Also: admire my hamfisted efforts to erect a white background for

better pics.  Blergh.

 

 

Long-time readers of this blog do not need to be reminded of my fascination with G.I. Joe - actually, nobody does, since my last post was on the subject...but of all the things I'd previously wished for from the toys, 'get even smaller' was not on the list.  That said, when Hasbro announced the first bunch of Joe products for their Kre-o building block range, I was smitten at first sight, albeit cautiously so.  Lego was an obsession of mine growing up, of course, but I'd also been hooked into buying some of their newer superhero-themed sets - getting some Joes on the same scale who could interact with dinky Superman, Captain America and co.?  Intriguing.

 

 

I dub this piece 'Battle of the Ninja Ziggurat'.

I do not entirely know what a ziggurat is.

 

 

So I went and bought the cheapest set, Checkpoint Alpha, and...pretty much fell in love with the thing, and with thanks to a very helpful eBay seller I also got my grubby hands on the full wave of 12 mini-figures (Kre-ons) sold individually in blind bags.  None of this stuff seems destined to make it beyond America, thanks to Hasbro having chickened out over marketing the Joe brand internationally after the mess they made with the Rise of Cobra toys (too much early stock clogging up shelves, limited promotion, overestimating production etc.) - which is a shame since, taken on their own merits, I think these little guys have the potential to catch on in a way their 4" progenitors never did.

Film Reaction: G.I. JOE RETALIATION

And what sort of time do you call this...?

Anyone who has been reading this blog since the early days (so, none of you) don't need reminding of this, but I'm one of those weird people that really, genuinely loved 'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra', and I give that movie all the credit for kickstarting my enthusiasm for all things Joe, which four years and over a hundred 4-inch plastic men later, shows no sign of halting.  Of course, us weird people are in the minority, which explains why it's taken so long to bolt together a sequel (it's still kinda disturbing that a movie can make a $300million+ profit and be considered a commercial dud...) and why, when it was all good and ready to debut, Paramount chickened out and delayed it by nearly a whole year so they could make it 3D.  Part of me - a very vocal part of me - considers it a knock on the Joes' honour that some douchey film execs didn't think they could hold their own against hands-down the worst interpretation of Spider-Man witnessed by a paying audience in history, but then I guess they were right, since that bloody awful reboot killed at the box office and gave me another few thousand reasons to doubt the existence of a benevolent god.

Still, it's here now, at last, and having caught a late afternoon showing on the 28th March with my folks as a belated birthday thing - and let the memories slosh around in my head for a while - I think I'm ready to put some concrete opinions down.  Good ones, thankfully.  (WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW)

(And seriously, f*** everything about Amazing Spider-Man)

Firefly HATES Christmas...

...because nobody likes what he leaves under the tree.

Have a good one tomorrow, folks, whilst I go work.  *cries*

Toy Pictorial: Sideshow 12" Firefly

By now you've probably realised, I'm a little infatuated with G.I. Joe.  In fact, I'm sufficiently infatuated with the franchise to blow nearly £100 on a single figure, apparently.  Providing, of course, that's it's a very special sort of figure.  And for the most part, Sideshow Collectibles' run of 12" Joes fits that bill perfectly.

There've been a fair few releases in the Sideshow range already, and regular viewers of the blog may recall seeing their Cobra Commander figure in my first post (feel free to go check).  However, since he was the first I purchased - and still my favourite - I'm giving Firefly the spotlight today.  Partly, I bought this based on a review of the figure at GeneralsJoes which was very enthusiastic, and partly because despite not appearing in The Rise of Cobra, I've quickly become a massive fan of Firefly as a character.  Though I like how the movie made Cobra as an entity look and function, and in fact probably wouldn't have it any other way, I rather like having one lone guy amongst the evil legions who actually looks like the sort of terrorist that the Joes seem to think they're fighting.  In fact, the lunatic excesses of the rest of Cobra actually make Firefly stick out all the more.

And of course, Sideshow did a fantastic, fantastic job with this particular Firefly, combining a splendidly-articulated body with a revised but instantly familiar outfit, and a ton of excellent gear to stick on him.  And since I'm feeling generous...or just in the mood to show off...here's a rundown of exactly how awesome he is.  Let's start with some poses!

"Reporting for duty!  Assuming said duty involves making stuff explode.

Otherwise, piss off."

"Sex bomb, sex bomb, yoooouuuu'rre my sex bomb!"

When Firefly sings to his grenades, try not to stare. 

Curiously, for a man so fond of exploding things,

Firefly likes to keep his guns quiet. 

Token crotch shot.

No, I don't expect you to be interested in his plastic penis.  I'm just pointing out his nice articulation, not to mention the snazzy detailing on his trousers and boots.  Nice knife sheath, too. 

Good luck getting that stuff through airport security. 

There're lots of little gaps in the fabric across both the backpack pouches and the strap that goes across his front; these can be used to hook on either some grenades (good luck trying to get all of them on there...) or the various separate pouches Firefly comes with - there's one for his detonator, one for his pistol clips and two small ones for...well, anything that fits.  I figure you can split the mines between them, though fitting two mines in one pouch can be tricky.  If all else fails, the backpack itself has enough space inside to hold all his smaller accessories at once.  An inelegant solution, but nice and easy, and very thoughtful of the designers.

Now THAT...is a ton of stuff. 

Just felt like showing all the accessories at once.  Helps to get your head around exactly what your money gets you.  Two guns, both with suppressors and detachable aim-assist gizmos and four clips; three pairs of hands (only two in shot); a knife; a pair of goggles; five frag grenades; two flash-bang grenades; two smoke grenades (one red, one yellow); four detachable pouches; one large backpack with adjustable straps; two shaped explosive charges; one suitcase; and one detonator.  Whew.

"If you can't strip this baby down whilst blindfolded,

you're not badass enough to put me on your shelf.  Nerd." 

Nice close-up of the pistol in hand.  Note how the slide can be pulled back, so it looks like it's really out of bullets?  How brilliant is that?!

It's a cool gun.

Can't really think of anything funny to say here. 

There's no adjustable slide fanciness on the SMG (don't ask me what model it is - I'm not entirely clued up on my gun names), but the stock can fold up along the side of the gun (look back at the first pic to see that), and of course the scope for the top and the suppressor can both detach.  The spare mags, FYI, fit snugly into a pouch that's clipped around Firefly's left thigh.

"Hell're you lookin' at?  It was wash day, alright?" 

Oh yeah, forgot to say: Firefly actually comes with two heads.  In fact, the above one is the default, and is the one used on the packaging.  However, when pre-release pics were seen by the Joe fandom, there was a pretty strong backlash, since all previous Firefly figs have had a mask that matched the rest of his uniform.  Sideshow - and this was very nice of them, it must be said - took those words to heart, and added a second head with the same grey camo scheme as the rest of the uniform.  This may be the only time I'll ever say this, but I'm thankful for the fanboys' whining in this case; although there's nothing wrong with the black head, the camo one is just so much cooler.

"You can have the blade, or just a punch in the face.

Either way it'll kill you, it's just a question of how much you bleed." 

The knife's pretty small, but it looks sharp, and I like how the blade is camouflage-painted (presumably so it doesn't reflect light and give Firefly's position away during night-time operations.  Also, this is the only photo where I remembered to put his hood up.  Firefly's never had a hood before or since (maybe because Hasbro think that should remain strictly Zartan's 'thing') but it really suits him here, and fits very snugly.

Not something you want to declare at Customs. 

I love the fact that he's got a suitcase bomb.  It's so much more modern and practical and...terrorist-y than just a big block of C4.  Not sure if I needed to have the individual charges be removable, but I suppose you could use the case for other things.

"Dammit, I can never get Radio 1 on this thing..." 

If you're gonna have a bomb, you'll need a detonator too.  It's a bit...retro, but it matches the equivalent accessory from the old-school Firefly figure, which is nice, and it fits one of his hands perfectly.

Looks like a hockey puck.

Almost as dangerous, too. 

One of his four limpet mines.  They're a very nice size, I feel, and clearly fit his hands.  Plus they fit the 'saboteur' function better than plain ol' grenades.  Also...

Sticky! 

...they're magnetic!  Love that, I really do.  It's all well and good saying these sort of figures are collectors' pieces, but c'mon...you're gonna play with them at some point, so they'd better have something to offer in that regard.

Also, I'd like to give the box some love.  I'm not one for keeping things mint-on-card, so when I do keep the packaging, it's because it's special somehow.  This is one of those times.  It's got a lovely fold-out design, lots of printed details, some nice pics, AND you can open it without tearing off any sellotape, so it stays presentable.  Lovely.

Firefly relaxes after a good days' work.

Or as close to relaxing as you can get with a face like that.

Next time, erm...no idea.  See you then!

New Arrivals...

Comic-style Firefly, Mercenary Wraith and M.A.S.K. Specialist Trakker.  I'm not much of a 25th guy, but these three caught my eye somehow.  More on them to follow - especially Trakker.

Remembering 'The Rise of Cobra'

Apparently, you're not a 'real' Joe fan if you don't

vomit at the sight of this.

Last year was when I discovered G.I. Joe, or at least when I started actually buying into it, in the wake of the above movie, which despite a critical hammering I still insist was fantastic; not clever or cutting-edge, no, but fast, funny, exciting, and proud enough of its source material that it doesn't feel obliged to make snide jokes at the expense of past incarnations of the mythology, a la the exciting but cynical Transformers movies.  Sadly, the majority of the longtime Joe fanbase didn't share my opinion and still doesn't.  I have actually tried to listen to the rants that come from their message boards, like The Terrordrome and HissTank.com, but the comments posted were confusing, to say the least; most fans wanted a film that was both slavishly faithful to the '80s ARAH continuity (which involved such Shakespearean flourishes as Cobra Commander being either a used-car salesman or a prehistoric snake/human hybrid, and the Joes' primary drill instructor being Sgt. Slaughter - yeah, that one, the wrestler) and presented with the kind of gritty, real-world tone as Black Hawk Down or a Chris Nolan Batman flick.  How exactly can one have it both ways?

And of course, this attitude spilled through to the accompanying toy line.  "There's too much black plastic!"  "The reactive armour outfits are too similar!"  "The Vipers don't look like real Cobra army-builders!"  "Baroness' face sculpt is horrible!"  Never before or since have I seen so much petty vitriol focused against a toy line.  And Baroness has never had a good face sculpt, fools.  Deal with it.

Which makes it all the more surprising that the Pursuit of Cobra line of 2010 - which shares the same pseudo-realistic style and more than a fair share of tooling with RoC - has gone down so well.  Okay, fanboys, so you hated the reactive armour on all the movie figures, but you don't bat an eyelid when it's on Jungle Assault Duke?  You pissed all over RoC Cobra Commander, but when Hasbro re-release him with a red shirt, a vac-metal mask and fancy packaging, suddenly he's a hit?  Pfah.  Fact is, RoC was awesome, and now it's almost in danger of falling into the same black hole of memories that swallowed up Sigma Six.  So, because I hate the idea of so much good work being wasted, here's my personal shortlist of the highlights of the RoC toyline.

Destro

"You like this gun?  I made this gun.  You couldn't.

That's why I get the hot chicks.  That and my shiny head."

Not an entirely unqualified success - his basic weapon loadout in uninspiring, and the shiny head actually came from the McCullen Clan SDCC set - but even so, this Destro's a joy.  Doing away with the retro design, because nobody in their right mind looks like this anymore, Hasbro essentially took a formal WW2 Nazi uniform, stripped away the Jew-upsetting details, and painted it in more Cobra-like colours.  That, in itself, would be cool enough for a Cobra Officer or maybe even the Commander, but luckily, they also kept in mind that this is Destro, so he's got the raised collar with red lining in deference to the original, and even a little tie-pin to replace the old Flava Flav medallion.  And although Destro never looks like this in the film, the trace of a formal shirt and tie visible under his jacket, hinting at his businessman credentials, makes this figure believably the same character.

Snake Eyes (City Strike)

Snake Eyes will cut you if you mention the word 'Resolute'.



Yes, I know, this design is actually from the Resolute animation, which fans adore (even though the storyline was mince, the 'adult' pretensions don't hold up to scrutiny and most of the characters have had serious liberties taken with them...), but shut up.  There's another version of this guy available as part of a Resolute box set - this one was released in RoC packaging, so it's a RoC figure.  And it's better than the other version, with cooler guns, a neater paint job (no pointlessly green goggles here), and a katana that's actually a katana, not a tanto.  A tanto is smaller.  A tanto is a girl's sword.  Snake Eyes is a PROPER MAN'S MAN so he needs a MANLY SWORD.  Like that one.  Okay?

Agent Helix

"Yes, my guns are nice.  Hey, why are you laughing?"

Created as a bonus character for the largely terrible RoC videogame (and partly born at the hands of Brian Reed, who I mentioned in my Ms. Marvel post), Agent Helix doesn't have much of a personality so far; her origin is a mystery, she's only appeared in about two comic issues so far, and her characterisation changed between said issues substantially.  But as any man will attest, you don't need a girl to have a great personality if she's got the looks, and Helix sure as hell delivers there.  The white/black goth hair falling alluringly over one eye, the armoured corset, the bumblebee-yellow top, the odd metallic skirting...there haven't been many female Joes over the years, so a new addition is always welcome, and Helix scores big for both having an immediately recognisable design and terrific posability to boot.  Granted, her arms are too short to hold certain types of rifles, and her hands have an odd sort of grip on them, but she's fine with SMGs, pistols and martial-arts weaponry.  Plus, y'know, she's fit, or as fit as a pocket-size bit of plastic can get.

Firefly (Toys 'R' Us Exclusive)

"Okay, bomb, gun, goggles, knife, backpack, man-bag...

Nope, I don't think I left anything at home today."

God, this guy was an arse to find.  Firefly was one of the first two TRU-exclusive figures (along with Barbecue) released during RoC, and of course was only ever stocked at American TRU stores, so finding one for myself A) required online shopping, now the scourge of my life, and B) required much browsing, since my usual port of call, BigBadToyStore, never had the exclusives available.  Long story short, I wound up paying through the nose for this guy...but it was worth it.  Combining another Resolute figure (the standard Cobra Trooper) with a past Firefly head, then topping it off with the webgear from 25th-anniversary Airborne, Hasbro took a bunch of unrelated parts and succeeded in creating a Firefly that was instantly recognisable, but more bulky and realistic than any of the 25th versions released since 2007.  Sure, he didn't have camo, but they hardly skimped on the paint apps.  And how could you complain with all that gear?  The comic pack Firefly demo-kit stuff, Lt. Falcon's awesome backpack and knife, plus Beachhead's gun and man-bag satchel...this guy's ready for anything the Joes can throw at him.  Perfect.

Kamakura

"Make jokes about my name, you get the sword in your neck.

Make jokes about my height, you get the claw in your crotch."

One of the latter creations in the line, I really didn't know what to expect from Kamakura.  He wasn't a particularly big name amongst the Joes, and his previous figures had been generic ninja rot of the flimsiest caliber.  Also, he was green and yellow, which is just silly no matter how you look at it.  Luckily, Hasbro seemed to agree with me, and essentially threw out all the previous Kamakura designs, keeping only the bare-bones concept - namely, he's a Joe ninja that isn't Snake Eyes.  What we wound up with was a mishmash of old Storm Shadow parts grafted onto a reactive armour torso and done in various shades of blue, with a nice digital camo pattern on the legs.  And a very nice figure it was, too; the SS parts obviously scream 'ninja' but don't necessarily look like they belong to a Cobra guy, and the armoured torso makes his look gel with the rest of the movie Joes.  Plus, Hasbro gave him the same accessories as the comic-pack 25th Storm Shadow, so he's loaded for bear with two snazzy swords, the tekagi claw, an opening backpack, a small Uzi and a...erm...a thing.  It's like two small scythes joined by a chain/rope.  No idea what it's called.  Point is, it's all cool.  Hell, I even like the fact he's a bit shorter than most other Joes, it gives him a bit more character.  If I bought a Robin figure, I'd expect it to be shorter than Batman, and since Kamakura is the Robin to Snake Eyes' Batman, it works.

James McCullen XXIV

"This is how I deal with fanboys asking Doctor Who questions."

For something listed as an 'exclusive', it's actually pretty easy to find the McCullen Clan SDCC pack on online retailers...something probably related to the $45 price-tag, which nets you a grand total of two figures.  That being said, I don't regret my purchasing the set in the slightest, and although the box is a masterpiece, and McCullen IX is an interesting toy, it's this guy that's the star of the show.  The first (and still, to date, only) Hasbro 3.75" figure to wear a 3-piece suit, and they actually pulled it off, with the jacket and waistcoat fused into one and a separate piece for the tie underneath.  Couple that with the perfectly even pinstripes, the shiny shoes, and a cracking likeness for Christopher "Scotland and Salford are basically the same, right?" Eccleston, and you've got a figure with no fail on it.  Even the guns are sweet; yes, those Viper Commando pulse-rifles are impossible to hold properly, but they're vac-metallized so they're awesome by default.  And yeah, I know, he only has single knee joints rather than the usual double, but really, who cares?  It's not like he's gonna be running anywhere, is he?  He's the mastermind, not the hired muscle!

Shipwreck

"Parrots are really smart birds, y'know.  For instance,

I trained this one to peck the eyeballs out of my victims' skulls."

Out of the earliest wave of RoC figures, Shipwreck immediately stood out, and he's remained a favourite of mine ever since, largely by being the perfect - and I mean perfect - fusion of old and new.  Sure, he's got the familiar reactive armour top and blue digital camo pants, so he blends in with the movie-style Joes, but the scruffy beard and knit cap both help him stand apart, and keep the spirit of the old, daft, slacker-boy sailor Shipwreck alive.  As if a basic figure made of that much win isn't enough, he's also kitted out wonderfully, with a modified rifle/speargun combo, a Desert Eagle, a nasty knife and probably the best scuba gear yet made for a Joe figure (well, it's a damn sight cooler than 25th Torpedo's kit, anyway).  Oh yeah, and he's got a parrot.  You gotta admire a man with the balls to carry a bright green tropical bird into battle.  It's like he's daring enemy snipers to take their best shot, just so he can deflect their feeble bullets with his adamantium beard.

Snake Eyes (Paris Pursuit)

It's what all the girls'll be sporting on the catwalk this season.

Yeah, I know, I already did a Snake Eyes, but the benefits of being one of the line's most treasured names means the unbeatable mute gets first dibs on the best gimmicks and costume designs.  Plus, this one actually has a pretty interesting story to it; Snake Eyes does appear in this gear at several points in the film, but you'd be hard-pushed to notice - it's actually a simpler outfit, just a slim woollen top and basic cargo pants with a thin coat draped over it, and a simpler mask without those controversial sculpted lips.  Left unchanged, it'd make for a spectacularly dull figure, but luckily someone at Hasbro had a brainwave when they saw it, and simply by beefing up the coat into a full-blown Matrix deal, we've got one hell of a figure.  Quite why it never occurred to them to use this 'look' for Snake Eyes in the past is beyond me, because it seems such an obvious idea, perfect for cutting a dramatic figure through the moody, blood-drenched alleyways of...uh, Paris.  Love how the strap across the chest looks like it's part of the sword sheath, too.

Elite-Viper

"Whaddaya want, some kinda jokey one-liner?  How's about this:

'I've got two SMGs, I don't do jokes.'  Punk."

Okay, time for a concession to the majority here; your writer will agree that the first few Cobra army builders from the RoC line were...less than they could have been.  Maybe it was the elbows that didn't bend as far as you'd like, or the clunky, oversized guns, or even just the armoured vests being too thick - there was always something.  And then came the Elite-Viper, and all was right with the world.  Well, okay, the fanboys still whined, but those of us who were capable of looking at these things rationally saw the improved articulation, the more sensible body armour, and guns that could actually be held like guns.  And in a further fit of generosity, Hasbro complimented the sweet twin UMPs with a pulse pistol and an...um...axe (?), which fit neatly into a thigh-holster and backpack respectively.  If only his head, with its genuinely terrific sculpting, had a few paint apps to make the details stand out...although I suppose they were pure black in the film, so, meh.

Steel Crusher APV

Keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin' WHAT?!

If all you ever saw of The Rise of Cobra was a trailer or two, the one thing that's likely to have stuck in your head is the image of two guys in robot suits exchanging gunfire with this big black lump of carcinogenic soot and raw evil on wheels.  And that's just what I call it for being a Hummer.  Merely being a big, sharply-angled box with tinted windows isn't enough to call this a Cobra vehicle, though, so of course it's been tricked out with removable battering forks for the front bumper, concealed missiles in the side doors, and a rotating spring-loaded pulse cannon that emerges from the roof when the bulletproof shield is pulled down over the windscreen.  Overall, though, what I love most about this toy is its toughness; it's got a really pleasing solid feel to it, the kind of durability that demands you scoot it along the floor, knocking over other figures and putting dents in the skirting board.  And if any old-school types are questioning where a modified civillian vehicle like this fits in alongside HISS tanks and Trubble Bubbles, might I point out that the acronym after its name doesn't read 'APC', it's 'APV'.  Exactly what the difference between the two is, I'm not sure, but for now, I like to think of the Crusher as the Cobra VIP transport of choice, for all those fancy red-carpet do's the Baroness likes to attend.  Oh, the missiles?  Those're for when Brangelina's convoy of fancy BMWs hogs all the good parking spots.

Those, of course, represent merely a handful of highlights from a truly great line.  I'd love to waste even more time listing  more and more winners - knew I should've taken pics of the Crimson Neo-Viper and Sgt. Flash, dammit! - but hopefully I've made my point well enough already.  Most of these guys are still available, and now at discounted prices too.  If your toy tastes lean towards the military end of things, then these, my friend, are the motherlode.

Next time, erm...something.  Not sure yet.  Stay tuned.