And what sort of time do you call this...?
Anyone who has been reading this blog since the early days (so, none of you) don't need reminding of this, but I'm one of those weird people that really, genuinely loved 'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra', and I give that movie all the credit for kickstarting my enthusiasm for all things Joe, which four years and over a hundred 4-inch plastic men later, shows no sign of halting. Of course, us weird people are in the minority, which explains why it's taken so long to bolt together a sequel (it's still kinda disturbing that a movie can make a $300million+ profit and be considered a commercial dud...) and why, when it was all good and ready to debut, Paramount chickened out and delayed it by nearly a whole year so they could make it 3D. Part of me - a very vocal part of me - considers it a knock on the Joes' honour that some douchey film execs didn't think they could hold their own against hands-down the worst interpretation of Spider-Man witnessed by a paying audience in history, but then I guess they were right, since that bloody awful reboot killed at the box office and gave me another few thousand reasons to doubt the existence of a benevolent god.
Still, it's here now, at last, and having caught a late afternoon showing on the 28th March with my folks as a belated birthday thing - and let the memories slosh around in my head for a while - I think I'm ready to put some concrete opinions down. Good ones, thankfully. (WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW)
(And seriously, f*** everything about Amazing Spider-Man)
Meanwhile, Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Jinx (Elodie Yung) go off to some mountains because, dammit, they're ninjas and if they wanna rock-climb while the world is in peril, they will and there ain't a goddamn thing you can do about it.
Not actually a pic from the film.
This is just how The Rock deals with obnoxious cab drivers.
The Good: The tone. This was a big worry for me throughout much of the publicity train. See, Rise of Cobra was goofy as all hell, but it was very earnestly goofy; it knew how silly every element of its plot and universe was, and hit that sweet spot of not trying to 'elevate' anything and become po-faced, whilst simultaneously not sticking its tongue so far in its cheek that it becomes parody. With all the talk of things being more 'grounded' and 'real' for Retaliation I had feared the filmmakers might go too far and strip the fun out of proceedings to try and legitimize what is, was and always will be a frickin' toy movie. Luckily, whilst Retaliation does perhaps feel more grim than its predecessor (you can't really put a funny spin on "nearly all the Joes getting killed at once"), it still relishes in the absurdity of its premise. The stakes may be higher, the guns may not fire blue laser stuff, but this is still pure escapist fantasy that doesn't aspire to be anything more than the best possible escapist fantasy. Also, much like the first, it doesn't have that horrible cynicism about it that's so prevalent in the Transformers movies, which try so hard to pretend they're not about 20-foot robots that turn into cars. No, G.I. Joe is about soldiers and ninjas with silly names fighting to stop a guy with a mirror on his face from blowing up the world, and it loves it.
In terms of direction, Jon Chu handles the action beats so fluidly you'd think he'd spent his formative years in Hollywood doing...well, not dance movies and filming Justin Bieber concerts, anyway. He handles the big setpieces with the assured eye of a seasoned action veteran and - hallelujah - stays far away from super-shakey handheld nonsense or MTV quick-cut editing. This isn't what you'd call a 'personal' film, and there aren't a whole lot of points where I nodded and went "yeah, that was a total Jon Chu shot" but if his work here doesn't have every studio in Hollywood throwing blockbuster scripts his way, I don't know how the world works anymore.
Pacing and plotting are also sharp and on-point. With the hero cast very firmly split in two (soldiers and ninjas) and each compartmentalised to their own specific sub-plot, the film could very easily have become meandering and unfocused - like you're watching alternating reels of two separate movies. Somehow, though (I think black magic rituals were involved) writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick keep things together and running in synch, until the divergent plots come together in good time for the climax. They also bring a welcome infusion of wit to the proceedings; whereas in Rise of Cobra I laughed at the sheer lunacy of the story (and Christopher Eccleston talking about caber-tossing), here I laughed at the actual jokes. A nice change.
Duke absently wonders whether he should've changed out of
his stars-n-stripes thong before this mission started.
The cast, of course, has been rebuilt from scratch since the first movie, and by and large they're a great success. Most of the film belongs to Roadblock, and I don't think there's ever been a role that The R - Dwayne J - screw it, I'm just gonna keep calling him Rock - has fit into more naturally. Yes, of course he's very good at kicking ass, but he's always had a light-hearted side to his onscreen persona, not to mention a winningly earnest smile that's wasted on bad guy or 'antihero' roles. Here, though, every facet of Rock is complimented and amplified by the character, which lets his innate charisma shine through without obstruction, and he more than rises to the challenge of carrying the film on his enormous shoulders. Not that he has to do all this work alone, mind you - Adrianne Palicki takes the bare bones of the action-girl stereotype and transforms her Lady Jaye into a starmaking turn that needs to be seen to be believed. (Marvel Studios, if you're watching, THIS is your Carol Danvers - hell, she's even a natural blonde, I think) Ray Park again manages to make Snake Eyes feel like a full-fledged character with only minimalist flourishes of body language in between ninja butt-kicking, and Channing Tatum...y'know what, I hated Tatum's Duke in the last film. Hate hate hated him. He was utterly devoid of presence or personality, a vaguely hunky lump of plywood, and he could've sunk the film like ice in water (fnar har har) if he didn't share most of his scenes with Sienna Miller in a catsuit or Eccleston in full-on dick mode. This time, Tatum actually turned up to work, and his scenes have a welcome smattering of humour and silly bro-boding with Roadblock that actually gives Duke a personality. And then he gets blown up, and it actually hurts. Wow. I still kinda want him to stay dead, mind you. Oh, and Bruce Willis mostly played Bruce Willis very well. It's not exactly an appearance that challenges him, though of course the man's so naturally likable you can't complain about his presence. Also, he does stick around for more of the running time than I expected (I figured on a 2-scene cameo) which is a pleasant surprise.
On the Cobra side, Byung-Hyun Lee gets, if not more screentime, then at least more dramatic meat to chew on as Storm Shadow, and rises to the occasion. His thick accent aside (which I personally think is cool and mysterious), Lee has great facial expressions and body language, and communicates the inner turmoil of a bad man betrayed expertly. Jonathan Pryce is clearly having a whale of a time sneering his way through the fake President's scenery-chewing nuttery, and his glee is infectious. Ray Stevenson takes on the part of my personal favourite Cobra operative, Firefly, and although the character is substantially tweaked (his face is no longer a mystery, he's outright crazy instead of just callous and professional, etc.) Stevenson makes the whole thing work by force of personality, and his throwdowns with The RoadRockBlock are wince-inducingly brutal. And Cobra Commander? Well, he's not 100% the Commander I know. He could've used a big daft Blofeld monologue towards the end. But that outfit coupled with that voice and Luke Bracey's confident swagger (which the camera drinks up like it's in love with him) lets him steal every scene, every shot he's in, and seeing this guy come to life so convincingly almost makes me weep with joy.
Oh, and being a total dork it'd be remiss of me not to mention that, yes, the costume and equipment design ethos for Retaliation skews a lot more towards the classic Joe look than its predecessor did. Granted, I liked Rise of Cobra's outfits and tech in most cases, but since becoming more familiar with the series' roots in the years since, I can't deny how much I squeal when those HISS Tanks start rolling into place, or Jinx turns up wearing a red blindfold, or Rock opens up with the 'Ma Deuce'. It's not exactly 100% accurate to the original comics or cartoon - although that does at least spare us from seeing Gung Ho run around with his bare pecs and Village People 'stache - but in the wake of Avengers it's nice to see other films so eagerly embracing the merger of the real world and nutty brightly-coloured fiction.
"What's that? Flawssss, you say? You had best be mindful
of your words, 'Craig', or ssssuffer my wrath..."
Eek.
The Bad: While I love most of the cast, there are a couple who get the short straw - although it's not so much the fault of the actors so much as it is the movie just not finding the time to let them grow. Flint gets an amusing moment of reckless, showboating bravado right at the start, but it doesn't really lead to anything; after that point he's just an extra body on the Joe squad who kinda fancies Lady Jaye in one scene. It's doubly unfortunate since DJ Cotrona has come off as an unabashed Joe fanboy in various interviews and seems like a really cool guy in real life, but the film doesn't let his personality shine. Elodie Yung's Jinx also suffers, being dropped into the ninja narrative with no real reason beyond 'related to Storm Shadow'. Yung is a great martial artist and cuts a striking presence, and she handles herself expertly during the showstopping mountain assault, but we're never given a chance to know her in any sense beyond 'girl with swords'.
While I do maintain that the film has very good narrative flow, there are various points where you can kinda sense something was cut out, a notion borne out by the various trailers and TV spots, several featuring footage not present in the final cut (not entirely a new phenomenon - the early trailers for Iron Man 2 prominently featured an amusing opening that was scrapped only to resurface on the BR/DVD release). I'd like to imagine there's a lot more to the ninja story than what we see on screen, which hopefully gives Jinx some backstory and expands the RZA's odd cameo as the Blind Master into something that fits the film more organically. I definitely recall seeing footage of a major argument between Roadblock and Flint too, so maybe some of our boy Dash Fairborne's arc got snipped. Jon Chu has said in some recent interviews that he's seriously considering a director's cut version for the video release, so hopefully some of these questions (at least) will be answered.
There's also a few issues surrounding the whole 'soft reboot' approach to continuing from Rise of Cobra. I came to terms with the decision to quietly move along from the first film without completely ignoring it a while back, but there are some discrepancies between movies that are hard to just accept without explanation. The big sticking point for me is that the Joes' existence seems to be public knowledge now; President Zartan talks about them on TV like everyone watching is already familiar with them, and Roadblock apparently goes home to his kids when not on the job. That's a pretty big change from Rise of Cobra where even other American military forces didn't know what G.I. Joe was, and all the unit's personnel lived full-time in The Pit. I guess you could argue the fallout from the Paris disaster resulted in the unit being forced to surrender some of its confidentiality, but, y'know, that's just a theory. There's nothing in Retaliation to directly suggest it. Also, where the hell did Hawk go and why is Duke in command? You wanna say that Hawk died with the rest of the unit, fine, but even before that he's already been replaced in the command structure by a grunt who still does fieldwork? Ehhhhn.
This pic is too goddamn badass for a caption.
Except for this caption explaining why there is no other caption.
The 3D: This gets its own heading since I can't really slot it fully into good or bad. 3D conversion was the main reason behind the film's delay, and I have little doubt from the results on other films that this choice will make a lot of positive difference to the box-office tally, especially in international territories. Does it help the film's entertainment value? Erm...a little. Look, I'm by no means a fan of 3D, and a large part of that is the shoddiness of most 'post-converted' 3D movies. (those shot with 3D cameras tend to be more worthwhile - especially Dredd 3D which was drokking glorious) Retaliation isn't enough to really change my standpoint but I concede the technique shines better here than in other converted flicks. There's still an unfortunate amount of 'ghosting' and in some scenes, and the depth difference between background and foreground is so clear-cut it threatens to make real backdrops look like they were greenscreened in, but some moments - in particular the mountain assault - really shine, with ninjas and bodies and cliff faces and swords flying out at the camera. I'd still rather watch in 2D, but those who like the gimmick-glasses (or who just can't find a screening without them) can at least be comforted that the tech doesn't sully the film.
The Verdict: Was Retaliation worth the wait? No, not for me, because I have literally been waiting for this since the day I saw Rise of Cobra and 4 years is f***ing AGES. But okay, if I wasn't an insane needy fanboy, would it have been worth it? A resounding yes. It's still not quite perfect, just as Rise of Cobra wasn't, but it does so many things noisy and exciting and fun and right for this series that I can forgive its missteps easily. By the look of things, a whole lot of other people seem to share my feelings too, so it looks like we haven't seen the last of the Joes in cinema. Retaliation is the unofficial start to the summer movie binge, and it's set a damn solid benchmark of mayhem for everyone else to live up to - and in the process looks set to lead G.I. Joe as a whole into a new age of popularity. 9 out of 10, with a possible provisional 10 if someone can promise me they'll put Destro or Serpentor in the next one.
YO JOE!
Today, America - tomorrow, Cobra-La!
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