Pursuit of Cobra Wave 3 - 'Desert Battle' Duke

So, to start off our lingering glimpses at Hasbro's latest batch of pseudomilitary plastic men, let's give the spotlight to the G.I. Joe team's usual field leader - and walking epitome of the word 'vanilla' - Duke, in his supposed desert togs.

"I find I make a better first impression when I bring Mabel here along."

Hasbro can stick whatever environmental theme they want on this guy, but the bottom line is, if he had a specific subtitle amongst all recent Dukes, he'd be 'Nostalgic Duke'.  With the tan vest, tidy flat-top hair and armoured vest on top, he brings up a lot of memories of the classic ARAH Duke...which means nothing to me, 'cause I wasn't a fan back then and don't greatly care for much of the 25th Anniversary releases.  Still, he's got appeal beyond that...



Yes, distressed metal really does bring out the colour of his eyes.

And the near-psychopathic rage, too.

There's a lot of great detail work stuck into this guy's deceptively plain design.  I love the unbuttoned, raised collar and the trace of a vest under it, the sleeves of his shirt are nicely wrinkled, his gloved hands have some smart detail added to bulk them up...but the real coolness comes from the armour, thanks largely to Hasbro adding a gunmetal drybrush layer over the dark blue base coat.  It highlights the fact that, yes, this is ARMOUR, not just a fashion statement, and the fact it's all scuffed gives Duke the look of a guy who's seen his fair share of battles.  The head sculpt isn't quite as cool as the previous 'Jungle Assault' Duke - whose headband did a great job of concealing how naff Duke's hair is - but it has the same look of grim determination about it.

"I'm just a SEXY BOY!  Sing it with me, girls!"

Articulation remains up to the line's high standards, so you can, er...have him mimic Shawn Michaels, and all those other things real-life spec-ops soldiers do.  (get shot?)

 "Excuse me whilst I ponder existentially about my own shadow.

I'm told that chicks dig deep guys."

The detailing continues around the back, with a line of seams down the back of the collar and some nice pockets on Duke's arsecheeks.  Bet he can't fit his wallet in 'em either.

"Game over, man!  GAME OVER!" 

If you're reading this blog, I doubt I need to confirm it to you, but yes, Duke's primary weapon is unmistakably the same sort of Pulse Rifle used by the overbearingly macho and generally useless Colonial Marines seen in Aliens.  Marauder Inc. (whose products I may cover in a future post) do a pretty good custom job of the same weapon, but I think this one has them beat, with the nicely needle-like barrels, the chunkier top handle and the extra paint app which really makes the detailing 'pop'.

"Excuse me, folks, there's a geek behind the camera who needs his

stupid face ventilated."

Duke can hold the thing perfectly, too.  I'm not sure exactly what factors allow for this - it's something Hasbro still haven't perfected - but I'm willing to bet that using a weapon with no long stock at the back helps a bunch.

The rifle also has a peg jutting out from one side, which does slightly ruin the look, but allows it to be stowed fairly simply on Duke's back... 

Massive can of superglue just out of shot.

And before you say anything - the gun is upside-down here so Duke can just reach over his shoulder and pull it across with his finger already on the trigger, NOT because I'm a colossal moron.  So there.

Which end is the front?

Next in Duke's gallery of death is this...I suppose 'bazooka' is as good a term as any.  It doesn't resemble any particular weapon I've ever seen, and honestly, I'm not too fond of the design in general, mainly because it's hard to tell what it could possibly fire.  Plus, the sculpting just doesn't shine through the black plastic as well as it does on the rifle.

"Fire in the hole!"

On the plus side, Duke can still hold it properly, with the curved part resting on his shoulder, one hand on the trigger and the other clutching the stabilising...er, thing.  I'm not up to spec on my explosives-handling terminology.  Sorry about that.

Oddly, the bazooka also has a hole in the side that can accomodate anything with the standard sort of peg that most Joe backpacks have.  About the only thing I could think to do with it using the stuff in this set was this: 

"And what the unholy buttfuck am I supposed to do with THIS?"

Yeah, that just looks ridiculous, doesn't it?  I've tried inserting one of the pipes from Duke's backpack, but they just get in the way when he shoulders the weapon, so that can't be the right idea either.  A real head-scratcher.

It's not spring-loaded, is it?  *shudders*

And here is Duke's piece de resistance, however you pronounce that.  When I first saw prototype shots of this figure, I figured this would have some sort of action gimmick to it, especially since it seems to be where Hasbro spent most of the time and money when making the figure, but no, it doesn't.  It's just a fairly outlandish weapons system made of multiple parts, that's supposed to...uhm...no idea.  Duke's filecard mentions a 'plasma cannon', so I'm going to assume that's what this is, even if I don't really get a plasma cannon vibe from it.

Anyone got any good pipe-related jokes?  I'm out. 

Whatever it is, it's a looker, with some thorough (but not cluttered) detail work across the surface, and the same distressed-blue paint scheme as Duke's armour.  The leads at the back connecting the launchers to the backpack is a nice touch that renders the device a little less cartoonish, though obviously you still can't call it believable.

Now, my main point of confusion.  The barrels at the front of the launchers - all eight of them - are detachable, like so...

I give myself all of ten more minutes before I lose some of these. 

Judging by that, part of me reckons this is supposed to be a missile launcher, especially with the different paint scheme on the detachable bits...but they don't look all that much like missiles, especially with the 'holes' sculpted on the front of the barrels.  So why bother making them removable in the first place?  Argh.

"It's only overkill when you smell your own hair burning."

 At least Duke can hold the thing and still stand up, which is a minor miracle.  There's no handgrips on the launcher, but you really need to get Duke to support them with his arms, otherwise they droop down and aim at the floor.

I'm sure some of the pre-release photos also showed the launchers swinging back and straight down across Duke's back...

"Up, up and awaaaaaaay!" 

Good news, it works, and looks pretty good.  Bad news, you need to take off the power leads first.  Never like it when you need to take bits off a figure before it can do stuff like this...

"Just try it, ya big brown lump!"

Two seconds later, Duke was a bright red smear.

So, all in all, what do I think of PoC Duke v2?  I'm impressed.  He's retro, but still gels with the overall modern Joe aesthetic.  He's got some damn strange weapons, but he can hold them well.  He's a character I've no interest in, but presented in an interesting way.  I think I prefer the 'Jungle Assault' version - he's that bit more mean-looking - but this guy's still cool, and despite the tag on the box, isn't so chained to any one environment or purpose.  He could believably operate in a city or forest as well as the desert, so he'll probably wind up being used more than his predecessor.  Well done, then, Hasbro - you've once again made Duke, arguably the most boring Joe of them all, a must-buy for me again.  *grumbles about Flint never getting such good treatment*

Final Score for 'Desert Battle' Duke:  9/10.

Oh, and one more oddity: 

Ooh, look at you all fancy with the full name.

I know there's some sort of copyright faffing over Hasbro using the name 'Duke' on their toys, which is why the boxes always use his full name, but I've never seen it written as such on a display stand before - not on the 'Jungle Assault' Duke, or any of the Rise of Cobra Dukes, or even any 25th Anniversary Dukes to boot.  Why the change now?  It just looks weird and out of place...and I think they've done the same with Wave 4 Destro too.  Aiieee!

Pursuit of Cobra Wave 3 arrives...

'Arctic Threat' Storm Shadow, 'Desert Battle' Snake Eyes, 'Desert Battle' Duke and 'City Strike' Cobra Shock Trooper.  Expect some detailed thoughts on these guys to be posted later, but for now, I'll say that the general consensus amongst the Joe fandom is pretty much right: Snake Eyes and Shock Trooper are fantastic, Duke's not bad, Storm Shadow is a bit of a mess.

Gaming's Forgotten Gems, part 1

So it's a Sunday, and after the Spike TV Video Game Awards provided little in the way of surprises or excitement, I've been feeling pretty contemplative regarding my gaming habits.  I can get pretty outspoken on this subject, largely because so much of the *retching sounds* mainstream titles these days leave me cold.  On my beloved Wii, the casual audience's tastes dictate that developers focus on fitness and minigame compilations and gesture-based sports above and beyond anything clever, whereas on PS3 the demands of loudmouthed, obnoxious Red Bull-addicted COD fanboys result in every second game being an FPS set in either WW2, Iraq or a tiresome amalgam of Blade Runner and Warhammer 40,000, and they all have cover systems and regenerating health and insta-kill grenades and a bolted-on vehicle section with awful handling...argh.  Lately though, I haven't had too much to complain about, thanks to Nintendo delivering some serious joy on the Christmas run-up: Donkey Kong Country Returns is old-school as hell but proves once and for all that the old Country games on SNES had value beyond their flashy graphics, and that you don't need modern mechanics so long as you have damn good level design and controls; Epic Mickey is rough around the edges but has a wonderful atmosphere and sparkling design, creating a world that you'll really want to explore; and GoldenEye manages the impressive double-bill of carving its own path rather than relying on the power of its name alone, and by being not just a good Wii FPS, but a good FPS by any console's standards.  And of course, there's Dead Space 2 coming in January.

But in the meantime, I've been looking back over some of the games that sit on my shelves which, for one reason or another, failed to reach the heights of popularity they deserved.  And hey, this is a blog, so I'm gonna share those thoughts - and if that results in someone going out and buying one of these titles, all credit to me.  :-)

Cursed Mountain  (Wii)
Developer:  Deep Silver Sienna
Genre:  Survival Horror

Why It Didn't Sell:  Well, it's the product of a fairly small developer, released with little fanfare due to scarce advertising and few trade-show appearances.  It's part of a fairly niche genre (the only survival horror games to be truly successful in recent years are Dead Space and the last few Resident Evil titles) which isn't the sort of thing most people would choose to buy a Wii for.  It got (admittedly deserved) flak in reviews for its samey combat and sluggish pace.  And its main USPs involve its faithful presentation of Tibetan life and Buddhist mythological demons, which isn't quite as big a draw as Nazis or zombies or anime panty shots or whatever.

Why It Deserves Better:  Survival horror is a very limited genre in terms of location and story.  You're almost always in either a creepy mansion or a ruined city, and you're assaulted by creatures that are spawned either from mad science or your own mind.  Cursed Mountain dares to be different from the get-go, setting everything on (surprise!) a mountain, and basing its enemies on genuine religious practices and folklore.  Even if you've never had any interest in Buddhism or Sherpas before picking up the game (I didn't), it does such a good job of explaining the rules of its world that you can't help but be drawn in.  Additionally, its atmosphere is second to none; the developers smartly reduce the music to simple tribal bells and instead bring the howling, deafening winds to the foreground, the sound of which is seriously chilling, and the abandoned Sherpa colonies and monasteries laid around the mountain's side feel like places where real people could live, and should live, making their solitude even more haunting.  Then there's the genius behind a game set exclusively on a mountain; whether the developers honestly intended this or not, there's a real sense of satisfaction to be gained in the later stages by simply angling the camera downwards and seeing all the areas you've previously trudged through fading away behind you.  Plus, the lead character's a Scotsman.  Always gets bonus points in my book.

Should You Get It:  It won't last you more than a fortnight, but, yes, you could do a lot worse.  Especially since a brand-new copy can be as little as £8 nowadays.

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Star Fox Assault (Gamecube)

Developer:  Namco

Genre:  Space Shoot-em-up/third-person shooter

Why It Didn't Sell:  The Gamecube was already a dead platform walking by the time of Assault's release, for one thing.  Then there was the inevitable huffs from the Nintendo die-hards about a classic Nintendo franchise being farmed out to another company, which wouldn't have been so bad if this weren't the sort of game that should specifically target the fanboy market.  Then the less-than-flattering reviews came in, with every critic in the land ignoring what worked in favour of what didn't, exhausting their full word count on the slightly dodgy new insectoid enemies and the iffy ground-based combat.  Oh, and it had Prince Tricky in it.  Nobody likes him.

Why It Deserves Better:  The actual flight combat - y'know, the bits that you'd expect the fanboys to focus on? - that was actually very enjoyable, combining the same on-rails level design of the old Star Fox titles with free-roaming areas that were equally good fun.  Although the handling when on-foot was floaty and odd, the Landmaster tank had a pleasing balance of heft and speed, not to mention big-ass guns.  The graphics were sugary-bright and ran at full 60fps irrespective of how busy things got.  And the music was bloody brilliant, filtering the classic Star Fox themes through a brassy orchestra that's pleasingly reminiscent of the triumphantly militaristic music found in most Mobile Suit Gundam series.

Should You Buy It:  Erm...maybe.  It's getting harder to find, and of course was a Gamecube-exclusive; on the other hand, you can play it on a Wii if you can find a spare GC controller or two.  It's probably not worth the expense of shelling out for a pre-owned console by itself, mind.

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Death By Degrees (PS2)

Developer:  Namco

Genre:  Action-adventure

Why It Didn't Sell:  Marketing the game primarily as a Tekken spin-off at a time when the series had lost much of the allure it had back in 1998 (and was actually less popular than it is now) maybe wasn't the best move.  Equally, in a world where God of War and Ninja Boobies (sorry, Gaiden) were the go-to names for third-person action, Death by Degrees came off as a bloodless, sterile affair by comparison, which probably wasn't what the average 'more is more' gamer was after.  Then the reviews came in, unnecessarily harsh again (IMO) - granted, the game had its fair share of flaws, but they largely failed to point out what it did right.  Finally, and this may sound like I'm reaching, but...the public generally doesn't go for female action heroes over their male counterparts.  Sure, every so often you get a Lara Croft or a Buffy Summers that somehow captures the imagination of the masses, but these hits are standing on the shoulders of a long line of misses; this past year alone saw Platinum Games' outlandish, frenetic, amazing Bayonetta flop whilst the vastly less imaginative (and less critically praised) Darksiders: Wrath of War somehow made its way into vastly more homes.  There is honestly no sane reason that should've happened except that gamers were strangely unwilling to shell out for an action game where the lead character has a XX chromosome.  The same can be said of TV, too - Buffy may have been successful, but what about Dark Angel, Birds of Prey or Dollhouse?  They weren't any worse.  Oh, and Salt was a better straight action flick than The Expendables.  But apparently we'd all rather look at Sly Stallone's wrinkles as he morosely mumbles through an exchange with Jason Statham than watch Angelina Jolie scarper around barefoot whilst shooting at Liev 'Sabretooth' Schreiber.

Why It Deserves Better:  Whilst every other attempt to create a spin-off from a fighting game over the years has basically turned into a Streets of Rage clone starring someone you might recognise from Mortal Kombat or whatever, DbD dared to be different, combining the expected brawling (handled with a right-stick-to-attack system similar to Jet Li's Rise to Honour which really isn't as hard to grasp as some people claim) with a 'find key X for lock Y' adventure game setup reminiscient of old-school Resident Evil, and then further sweetening the pie with Silent Scope-esque sniper moments, odd stealth sections where you fly what looks like a smoke alarm with a helicopter blade, and fiendishly addictive sliding-block puzzles.  This doesn't make the game feel schizophrenic, but it adds pleasing variety.  Additionally, the story - whilst obviously the product of a Japanese developer and therefore frequently batshit insane - is actually an enjoyable little yarn, with a clever variation on the typical 'baddies threaten world with LAZAR SATELLITE OF DOOM' schtick, characters with memorable designs and more depth than any number of faceless Halo Spartan retards, and one cheesy last-reel surprise revelation which is pure pulp and yet still caught me out.  Lastly, even though saving the world isn't really her bag, it does good work with Tekken's premier female Nina Williams, capturing her essence perfectly from the almost dismissive attitude to her own sex appeal, the smirking confidence, the callous treatment of anyone she finds tiresome...she might not have been the most obvious choice for a leading lady, but she works hard to make her inclusion feel deserved.

Should You Buy It:  Approach with caution.  Though I'll defend it to the end, Death by Degrees is the sort of game where you have to take the rough (no checkpoints, long loading times, wonky camera) with the smooth (everything I've gushed about up there).  A love for Tekken as a whole will see you through the trying moments; without that, it may take considerable patience to reach the end.  At least it's cheap now, though.

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Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers (Wii)

Developer:  Square Enix

Genre:  Action-adventure

Why It Didn't Sell:  It's got the words 'Crystal Chronicles' in its title, and after the admittedly weak Gamecube effort (a mess of awful chibi character designs and gameplay that required the troublesome GC/Game Boy Advance link-up to do anything exciting), most of the Final Fantasy hardcore weren't willing to take any chances on this strange Nintendo-only offshoot of the series anymore.  And face it, who besides the hardcore FF fans actually bothers with FF games?  Yeah, exactly.  Even beyond that, any RPG fan who gave the game a shot would doubtless be confounded by the completely real-time play and combat, not to mention a marked lack of stat-tinkering, EXP-farming and dungeon-crawling.  Oh, and if there was any advetising done for this, I missed it completely.

Why It Deserves Better:  Judged on its own terms - i.e. not as an RPG - Crystal Bearers is actually damn good fun.  The story, though wrapped in confusing layers of cod-mythology, is a pretty nice tale based around racism and mutants (kinda like X-Men with more Chocobos).  Doing away with the typical fantasy game character line-up in favour of the archetypes one would expect to find in a summer blockbuster movie (laid-back, cool but ultimately selfless hero; feisty and initially hostile love interest; shifty and stupid but ultimately reliable buddy) actually makes it easier to like the characters, even though the voice acting still hasn't risen above the slightly iffy quality of earlier FF games.  Telekinesis makes for a fine weapon, and discovering the many hidden enemy 'reactions' is practically a game in itself.  The developers did a damn good job letting the player actually play the major action beats, something the main FF games still haven't figured out how to do, and that they did it without simply resorting to quick-time events is also laudable.  Plus, this is a great example of a game that lasts as long as you want it to; you can rush through the full story in about 8-10 hours, avoiding every non-boss enemy if you like, or you can let yourself get distracted by treasure hunts and sub-quests, which can swallow up to an extra 30 hours or more.

Should You Buy It:  Hell yes.  You don't need to be 'into' RPGs to get the fun out of it, it retains enough FF trademarks and characters to be recognisable whilst still forging its own path, and it uses the Wii's controls in a way that's immersive and fun rather than bolted-on and irritating.

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Medal of Honor (PS3, Xbox 360, PC)
Developer:  Danger Close & DICE
Genre:  Modern-day FPS

Much cheers to friend-of-mine Chris Standings for this selection and argument!

Why It Didn't Sell:  Medal of Honor was a modern day reboot of the EA classic wartime franchise, usually set during one of the world wars, usually seeing you fighting on side as a do no wrong american in a world full of Nazi's or dirty ruskies. Now, this modern sort of, reimagining of the franchise that essentially started Call Of Duty, see's you venture into much more well known territory, if you're twelve and have a serious redbull addiction coupled with extreme pornographic viewing hours and a detatchment from social interaction due to masturbating into bags of cheetos. You take the place of several military operators, working under the Tier 1 banner of the military, blowing away rag headed terrorists and riding quad bikes through rough terrain. Because snowmobiles are for pussies. Medal Of Honor shifted a fair amount of units, mainly based on pre orders and people that did as I did and played the multiplayer beta, expecting the full game to be very much the same experience, but it wasn't. Not that this is a bad thing. Medal Of Honor's review scores and public reviews claimed it to be riddled with frame rate, graphic and sound issues. All of which on Sony's black box of death and child mutilation, the PS3. These views varied from a difficult 7.0 to a troubled 6.5 and at some points and on some sites I remember seeing, all the way down to below a 4.0. Why? Because people don't want to buy a game that the critics said was shit or mediocre, if you work on a professional site.


Why It Deserved Better:  Now, Medal Of Honor was purchased by most people due to two things, either the brand name and BETA pulled them on side, due to the frachises' long standing history as THE FPS, long before Call Of Duty started putting foul mouthed nine year old crack addicts onto multiplayer. Or because like most people that enjoyed DICE's work or EA's work on Battlefield Bad Company 2, one of the better selling FPS's of that year, besides of course COD. Battlefield does what most people look for in a game, it takes all the reality, the gritty dark realism of war and puts you in a situation that emcompasses all of those things as well as some solid written humor and some likeable characters. I mean, who doesn't love EA's creation of Haggard in BBC2? And really, Soap Mactavish? He sounds like a rapist, I like the hair, but he looks like if you found him in an alley, he'd breach your arse with explosive wired charges. All with Grant from Eastenders screaming baldie orders in his ear. Medal Of Honor at it's heart is a game about war. I can name two specific parts of the game, which, by all intensive purposes are THE single most graphically amazing, involving and emotionally engaging gameplay scnes in any first person shooter I've ever played. Sure, the score doesn't match up to Infinity Ward's Hanz Zimmer score, but fuck we don't all have Christopher Nolan money to throw around. But the most, combined with being pinned down by hundreds upon hundreds of insurgents, with dwindling ammo, next to no cover, attacks on all sides and NO backup whatsoever, I found myself litterally fighting for survival anyway I knew I could. Including attempting to conserve ammunition.  Yes, conserving ammunition, if you ask your team mates for an extra clip, they'll throw you one BUT they don't have an infinite supply and if it runs out as a turban weilding RPG shooter is about to fire a rocket up your arse, you're well and truly fucked.  I believe, as many people do that a game should be held up on it's single player merits alone and for that, despite only having a six to eight hour campaign, Medal Of Honor with it's constant barrage of combat, ambushes, variance and a mind blowing graphical showcase coupled with a rich and powefull score is easily the best FPS I have played since I laid hands on Killzone 2. Yes, Call Of Duty allows you to try and crawl from a helicopter after a nuke has dropped, but who would really rather peel AIDS diseased flesh off their arms when they could be ordering a laser guided missile strike on a nest full of AK47 weiliding nutters? You? Really? How old are you? Exactly. Bum off.


Should You Buy It:  If you're asking me whether or not you should buy Medal Of Honor, then perhaps you should look at your current game collection. Does the name Call Of Duty feature on there more than once? If so, out of Modern Warfare 2 and World at War, which did you prefer? Hell out of MW2 and Black Ops, which did you prefer? I'm not abbreviating that, FYI. If at both instances, you say Modern Warfare 2, then don't buy Medal Of Honor. Crawl back into your pit and continue furiously fapping to things you find on 4chan. Hell, if you were forced to play one game for the rest of your life and you'd choose MW2 over Killzone 2, don't bother buying Medal Of Honor. MOH is a game for grown ups, with strong themes, gritty violence, a powefull, well composed orchestral score and most of all, gameplay that envokes emotion. Whether it be attempting to save a captured team mate or trying to survive whilst pinned down by insurgents on a hillside, it's a beautiful, clever, realistic shooter with every element it needs and none of the bullshit it doesn't.  Oh and the multiplayer, is bassically the same as Bad Company 2, which in all honesty, could never be a bad thing.
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Persona 4 (PS2)
Developer:  Atlus
Genre:  J-RPG

Why Didn't It Sell:  J-RPGs only ever appeal to a niche audience, and this one doesn't even share any recognisable traits with its bigger-name genre-mates like Final Fantasy or Dragon Quest; it's set in a recognisably contemporary (albeit thoroughly Japanese) world, the enemies are completely bonkers, you walk through TVs to access another dimension, and much of your stat growth is based on how well you handle your school lessons and chores.  Needless to say, it's almost impenetrably weird at times.  Then there's the fact that it's the 4th in its series, which may put people off if they're afraid of being lost by a plot that's reliant on previous instalments (though this actually isn't the case).  Lastly, it was released during the PS2's twilight years - in fact, in some territories, it was the absolute last PS2 game ever released, and certainly the last system exclusive.  By that time, most people had either already made the jump to the next generation, or were saving up the cash to do so...

Why It Deserved Better:  Speaking for myself, I've never played an RPG quite like this, where you plan your actions around a specific morning-afternoon-evening-night schedule, choosing whether to focus on schoolwork, housework, a part-time job, or battling hideous monsters to save your friends.  The script was flawlessly localised and brought to life by a team of enthused voice actors, and even as a functional mute your character somehow seems deep and personable surrounded by his chatty friends.  The story also deals with some pretty dark subject matter and is honestly one of the most mature, 'grown-up' games I've witnessed.  Also, the battle system (which is of course turn-based) is excellent, clearly marking down enemy weaknesses and resistances as you encounter them, giving you simple but logical command authority over your subordinate party members, and generally making every possible attack and ability only two clicks of the 'X' button away.  Oh, and the music is fantastic, AND you get a free soundtrack CD without having to shell out for any sort of fancy special edition.

Should You Buy It:  If you've still got your PS2 around, and are prepared to spend a LOT of time on one game, then yes, you should.


More to come.

One thing I learned today...

...is that Charbroil's flamethrower can attach to his backpack when not in use.

Someone saw a cockroach up on 12...

Seriously, I've owned this guy for over a year and I hadn't noticed the little slot-&-tab that lets the gun clip on like that until today.  This is exactly why I love G.I. Joe figures; the amount of features and details the designers at Hasbro can fit onto such small guys is just...wow.

Toy Review: Transformers/Marvel Crossover - Ghost Rider

Another of my recent Christmas-for-self purchases.  I've had very little fondness for the Marvel Transformers series to date; construction-wise they always felt cheap in a way the movie-branded TFs, or even the Star Wars ones, didn't, plus many of the conversion choices made precious little sense.  Captain America turning into a Hummer, fair enough, he's a soldier and it's a military vehicle, but Iron Man turns into a plane?  Random.  Spider-Man becomes a concept supercar?  Thanks, I really wanted to be reminded of this fucking thing.  Maybe he should just turn into a mechanical spider.

That said, one caught my eye last time I was in Forbidden Planet - Ghost Rider.  I'm a bit of a closet fanboy for the character (I even liked the movie...the first time I watched it, anyway), and in the packaging, it certainly looked like Hasbro had stepped up their game with this toy.  Let's see if it lives up to those good first impressions, eh?

Lookin' good...

You can probably already see why I bought this one; there's an obvious connection between character and machine.  Of course, it's an obvious connection - Ghost Rider's famous for his bike, so let's have him turn into his bike! - but it's a damn sight better than any Venom-into-a-hotrod schtick this line has otherwise pulled.  Not to mention, it's a pretty good likeness for the cycle driven by Danny Ketch's Ghost Rider, albeit with a touch of the movie-style bike mixed in.



Comfy!

A little detail I love to see with Transformers are touches that make the vehicle mode seem more like something that could actually be used by a human - steering wheels, opening passenger doors, etc.  The Marvel line hasn't seen a great deal of that up 'til now, but the sculpted padding on the seats here is a step in the right direction. 

Not something you want to see in your rear-view mirror.

Not much to say about this shot, I just love how they got the classic 'shield' on top of the forks. 

Yes, we can see you behind there.

 Well, there had to be some problems somewhere...the designers couldn't find a way to stow the head away inside the torso or anything, and the strange sliding joint on the neck (which tries to make the head slide in under the shield) doesn't quite work as well as they may have hoped, leaving the flaming top of the head quite visible.  Dang.  At least it obscures the face.

Something tells me this thing isn't a hybrid. 

Unless it runs on a combination of brimstone and sinful thoughts.

It's a Hell-Cycle, it needs massive exhaust pipes.  Also note it's got two wheels at the back rather than one - clever way of giving the bike enough stability to remain upright without a kickstand.  Rolls along the floor quite smoothly, too.

I didn't bother taking any photos of the transformation, because...well, I tend to make an arse of doing that.  My fingers aren't as dextrous as they were when I was 12 or so.  That said, it's a lot simpler than pretty much any of the movie-line TFs, albeit still with a few joints that you'll wind up pulling free by accident and will have a devil of a time getting back into the original position.  But with a little bit of luck, within a couple of minutes you'll end up with something like this...

RARGH!

Not bad, right?  Okay, so I'd prefer him to have two functional hands rather than one plus a giant wheel, but it's hardly a deal-breaker (and not the first time I've encountered such a thing with TFs).  Besides, there's more than enough cool details present in this mode to overlook that. 

"Look into my eyes!"

I love the head, I really do.  Rather than just directly copying the regular Rider look, they used a little bit of imagination and went for a sorta flaming Terminator look.  I'd say it reminds me of the '2099' future Ghost Rider except it's actually much cooler than that spindly-fingered lump of silliness. 

Possibly the only Transformer who could disguise himself

simply by going to a Judas Priest gig.

I don't think the normal Ghost Rider has skull-shaped kneepads but, dammit, he should, if this is any indication.  No idea how this guy can stand on legs made of pure fire either, but...uhm...it's hellfire so it's magic and stuff.  Yeah.  Magic fire legs.  There's your excuse. 

"Frank Castle is dead.  He died with his family.

Also, I'm not him."

Yeah, that torso seems awfully similar to a certain other Marvel anti-hero to me...admittedly, I wouldn't be too keen on a Punisher TF that changes into a bike (he should, by rights, become his old Battle-Van) but I'd be very surprised if Hasbro don't go ahead with the idea anyway, 'cause boy do they love repaints. 

Few people get to see the Ghost Rider turn his back and leave.

Mostly because, by the time he leaves, everyone is dead.

Just so you know what the other side looks like.  The legs do 'flare out' quite a bit, a la G1 Grimlock, but it doesn't totally ruin the look, and gives him a nice steady base for poses.  Certainly, it's a much less cluttered back than most movie figures. 

 "Okay, Cap, you grab the other end, and Tony, get ready

to start skippin'!"

Nobody likes a Transformer without weapons.  Hell, nobody likes a superhero that doesn't fight, either, so it's just as well Hasbro remembered to arm this guy.  First and foremost is his signature chain, one end of which fits into his hand nicely.  It's quite flexible, though the weighted 'mace' bit at the end makes it arc downwards most of the time.  You can still make it work for battle poses, however.

Also, the 'mace' can plug into the side of his big orange hand-wheel, which does...

This!

Buzzsaw, baby!  Okay, maybe the teeth don't extend as far as I would've liked, but it still looks like a saw, right?

All in all, I've been very impressed with this figure.  His articulation's pretty decent by TF standards, his weapons are cool, his design is lovely, and I haven't given myself an ulcer transforming him.  The quality of the plastic does still feel a little cheap (perhaps because it's too shiny?) and his sliding neck joint can make getting his head in the right position a bit of a pain, but those're faily minor niggles, and I'm confident in saying this is by far the highlight of the Marvel TF range.  Because it's the only good one.

Rating for Ghost Rider TF:  8.5/10 

"ACK!  Megatron never mentioned the Autobots had one of...of...

...whatever this is!"

The New Dalek Paradigm

There's never a Jammie Dodger when you need one...

As ever, my attempts at Christmas shopping were hamstrung by my finding stuff to buy for myself - specifically, finally finding the Supreme (White) and Eternal (Yellow) Daleks to complete the series 5 iDalek/Dalek Skittles/Mighty Morphin' Power Dalek collection, backing up the Drone (Red), Scientist (Blue) and Strategist (Orange).

ALL HU-MANS WILL KNEEEEEELLLL!

'Force Unleashed 2' - And Another Thing...

It occurred to me today, whilst trudging fruitlessly through the sodding snow again, that I left out one of my main irritations with The Force Unleashed 2 during my previous post about the game.  And since I love a good whinge, I figure I should bring it up here.  However, I warn you now that this is a story-related issue, so there will be some

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

SPOILERS

Spoilers, yes.

So, at the game's finale, after His Evilness Darth Vader crushes the neck of Juno Eclipse, Starkiller-1's girlfriend and object of obsession for his clone (which'd be you) and you proceed to stab holes in his 7-foot paedo-breathing arse in retaliation, you're faced with one of those pesky BioShock-alike moral choice moments: kill Vader or let the Rebels arrest him.

Is this the face of a man you can pity?

Now, whilst taking Vader's varnished head off with a single lightsaber swipe did sound awfully tempting after struggling through the boss fight with the perma-blocking git, I'm a Star Wars fanboy to the last, and so chose to spare him, curious to see what the 'canon' ending would be (killing Vader before A New Hope would rather bugger up the overall movie plotline, after all).  As a result, Vader is taken into Alliance custody (and it must be said, the ragtag bunch of rebels, who are typically so useless they can actually be out-shot by stormtroopers, do a remarkably good job of keeping him locked up), Starkiller-2 finally reunites with his clone-father's missus, who wasn't quite as dead as she appeared.  And they fly away to, I dunno, have sex or something, with only a chained-up Vader's warning of "As long as she lives, I will always have power over you..." to concern their little minds.  Oh yeah, and Slave 1 following them silently, in typical schlock blockbuster sequel-bait fashion.

Aaaaand roll credits.

That's it?  Seriously, for all my thumb/wrist strain, I get essentially no resolution or revelations, just the promise of another bloody Force Unleashed game, which is pretty much exactly what I don't want for the future of Star Wars?  Urrrrrggh.  As I said in my review, I forgave Unleashed 1 for its various faults based solely on the story, which amongst other things, had a very definite and satisfying ending.  Is there any reason the already-pointless sequel couldn't at least mimic its forebearer in that respect?

Oh yeah, and if you had to set up another game, you could at least have come up with a more interesting cliffhanger, LucasArts.  Ooh, only Vader knows if the original Starkiller is still alive?  Funny, I played the first game and remember him being quite dead at the end.  And what difference does it make, anyway?  Vader's going to escape before the Rebels can do anything important with him - we've all seen A New Hope, we know how this goes.  And what the hell does Boba Fett have to do with it?  Did Vader include some kind of 'get me out of jail' clause in his contract, just in case shit like this went down?  Was Boba feeling charitable towards a fellow wearer of curious headgear?

Stupid.