G.I. JOE 3: Fantasy Casting

With the summer movie season having shot most of its load already, my attention is now heading onwards to the future, and the perilous promises of sequels.  While there's a lot to say about how 'sequel culture' has had a negative effect on blockbusters over the last decade-plus, and I happen to agree with a few of those issues in principle, I'm also the first person to start theorizing about where the characters of any given film will go next, often before I've even left the theater.  (maybe in a future post I'll try to explain my logic for having Matt Smith turn up as the Doctor in the next Fast & Furious movie to take Vin Gasoline and his mates down after one too many violations of the laws of space and time)  And G.I. Joe Retaliation was no exception.

That said, the amount of deck-clearing action going on in Retaliation (both from the much-publicized extermination of 90% of the Joe roster, give or take, plus the revenge-deaths taking their toll on Cobra command) has made me a lot more curious about the players for the next film rather than the actual plot.  Not that I don't think the story will matter - the joint realities of Cobra as a known evil entity in the public mind and the world's nations having been tricked into depleting their nuclear weapon stockpiles can and should open up lots of new and intriguing places for the series to go - but I often find that a Joe story (be it movie, comic or cartoon) is determined by the characters involved.  They're like Lego bricks: interchangable and capable of being constructed into any shape...but, if you wanna make a car, you still need 4 Lego wheels.  Wanna make a house?  Gonna need a door-brick.  Ditto, if your G.I. Joe story has Shipwreck and Cutter in it, there'd better be some sort of naval battle at some point, preferably involving the old W.H.A.L.E. hovercraft, because otherwise you're asking 2 sailors to be land-lubbers for the duration and...why?

That was a load of waffling, yes.  Click through for my dream casting session pick things.  THIS I COMMAND~!

Say Hello to my Future Favourite Show

I'm so used to disappointment with pilot season and most American TV networks' inability to pick things that are actually promising as opposed to just box-ticking bollocks that, on the occasions when they get something right, I fail to notice 'til much later.  This time?  Not so much.  ABC, smart people that they are, chose to greenlight what will doubtless wind up being my favourite TV show whenever it hits these shores.

And they greenlit 'Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.' too.  What, you thought that was what I meant?  Nnnn-nope:

Killer Women, a.k.a. Tricia Helfer: Cowboy Cop.

Tricia Helfer.

Driving fast and shooting people.

Often wearing an awesome hat.

Sometimes wearing...very little (which is also awesome in a different sense).

Tricia.  Helfer.

Universe...however much stick I rightfully give you, for this I say thanks.  You done good.

Quick Review - BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: BLOOD AND CHROME

Lens flare alert!

Get your JJ Abrams the hell away from this franchise!

I love the noughties remake of Battlestar Galactica.  Like, firstborn-son love it.  I don't necessarily revisit individual episodes as often as I do with Doctor Who or Supernatural, but that's mainly down to being incapable of leaving it at one; if I watch 'Pegasus', you better believe I'm watching the rest of season 2 marathon-style.  And if I'm not working tomorrow, season 3 as well.

There's not any one thing that really makes or breaks the show; it's the simple fact that every single creative element behind it gave 110% and found a common path upon which they could push themselves as workers whilst still committing to the same singular goal.  The writers shake things up so hard so frequently it's a wonder anyone can stand up on the Galactica without falling over.  The directors pull you from one end of the show's world to the other fast enough to lose your breath and yet still make every scene, every development, crystal clear.  The cast give career-best performances all around, and I have never cared for an ensemble in any form of fiction as much as I did for these assorted officers, pilots, politicians, sawbones, religious nuts, kooky lawyers and meat robots.  The production design team crafted fleets of spacecraft of all shapes and sizes, built interiors where no space is wasted and every single element has a purpose, AND decided that wasn't enough and invented the most eerily-minimalist interiors they could for the Cylon baseships and their computers controlled by puddles of water because God magic.  Bear McCreary's musical cues brought me to the verge of tears repeatedly, from the haunting Six theme to the big jungle percussion for space dogfights and his sparing, selective use of the '70s Galactica title music.  AND AND, Tricia Helfer was in it and...ah...Tri...

triciaaaaaaaa aaaa

:D

wat

...What?  Oh.  Um, yeah, so, it's the best TV show ever, and at least one person at the Network Formerly Known As Sci-Fi Channel recognises that, as ever since the show ended (happily on its own terms), they've been trying to continue it via spin-offs.  First came Caprica, which was intelligent and well-acted and often dramatic and absolutely not at all what I wanted to see, sadly.  Whilst I applaud Ronald D. Moore and company for trying something markedly different, the show we wound up with was so far removed from Galactica that the only thing connecting the two was that one robot Cylon with the girl's mind in its head.  Everything else was all corporate espionage and stuff from The Sopranos with more pronounced class warfare.  Though I wish it had lasted longer so that it could have organically found the time to complete its many long-running plotlines, I wasn't surprised by its cancellation.

Then came Blood & Chrome...except it didn't.  Well, not really, but...it's complicated.

It's not my birthday 'til March.

But someone, somewhere, decided to give me a present all the same.

Video won't embed so go HERE

A Once Upon A Time In Mexico actioner with a House of the Dead: Overkill trailer AND a genuinely hilarious blaxploitation minister AND the little bonus of my favourite actress (and woman) (and Cylon) taking the lead role?  I don't care what it takes, I don't care if I have to import a copy - hell, I'll import a goddamn American TV and BR player just to make sure I see this.  A-maz-ing.

"I'm pretty sure God would consider it a sin not to glorify that ass."


UPDATE:  After searching around again, I've figured out that, appearances to the contrary, this isn't an actual trailer, rather a neat music video masquerading as a trailer.  Dammit, that's so me it's not even funny.