Opinion Blog: Ranking the Tekken Fighters from Worst to Best

Does this look comprehensive to you?

Trust me - it ain't.

Ladies and gentlemen, all is quiet here at the Pillar of Justice.  The recent run of interesting game releases has dried up, in favour of the first few sad spurts of the next gen dribbling out onto the arid desert of consumer apathy.  The local multiplexes are full of those Oscar-baiting dramas that look more like the kind of thing you'd watch on DVD later (then never do).  And your humble host's comics reading has been so scrambled and scattered of late it's difficult to single out any one series for a thorough write-up, though I'm hoping to fix that soon.

But in the meantime, howabout an exhaustive and in-no-way definitive listing of every Tekken character ordered according to the relative merits of my personal favour?  No?  Well, tough, I had to Google all these images and cut half of 'em down for size, and after all that I'm gonna use them for something whether you like it or not.

GET READY FOR THE NEXT PRATTLE!

#74: Gon

Gon gets dibs on the bottom of the list purely for not being a real Tekken character, plain and simple.  Although on a more inside-baseball basis, his appearance in Tekken 3 and the resulting licensing snafu seems to be the main reason why T3 has yet to be ported to the PSN or similar modern platforms, and since I personally hold that game as the single most 'important' title in the series and don't currently have a working version besides the arcade port on the Tekken 5 disc, I curse Gon's existence on an almost daily basis.

#73: Emilie 'Lili' Rochefort

...and it's only a lack of game-availability-screw-upping license rights associated with her that keeps Paris Goddamned Hilton out of the bottom slot.  But, hoo boy, she has worked her butt off for that honour and no mistake.  Take your pick from her entire appearance being transparent cosplay bait rather than anything characterful or artistically interesting; her fighting style being a goofy mix of upskirt kicks and flippy-flopping that even Power Girl's boob window thinks is trying too hard; her age being fixed at a sub-legal level without anyone on the Tekken dev team realizing how wrong that is; a voice that actually got less pompous and irritating when she began talking exclusively in French; her 'rivalry' with Asuka and all its thinly-veiled yuri fanservice bullshit; but most of all, it's the fact that an embarassingly large contingent of the Tekken fanbase actually enjoy this stuff that makes.  Me.  SICK.

#72: Jack-1

Or just 'Jack' to his mates.  I don't, generally speaking, have a lot of time for the fighting style shared by pretty much all the Jacks, but Jack-1 comes off worst just for lacking the more fun modern additions to the basic framework.  Plus, his design in-game looked awkward, and he really had precious little going for him story-wise.  Like most machines, he had his day but he's been superceded by his own successors.

#71: Kuma (I)

Be honest - you forgot there was more than one Kuma, didn't you?  So had I; it was only after checking Wikipedia during the research for this post that I remembered the first bear died in the timegap between Tekken 2 and 3.  Unlike with Jack-1, it's not the less-expanded moveset that lets down the earlier Kuma, but the lack of personality.  Though his rivalry with Paul Phoenix was established to a point, the first Kuma sadly lacked the comedy chops that would define his successor, and without that dare I say the bear is...kind of boring?

#70: Angel

There is exactly one good thing about Angel, and that's the reality of her feeling like a female Mishima. God knows that clan is drowning in testosterone, and the main plot of this series could do with being less of a sausage-fest.  Alas, Angel was/is not the answer, being a very fringe sort of character who might not even exist at all, depending on how you look at things.  What really hurts her standing in my mind, though, is how many terrible fan-fictions I've had the misfortune to read that treat her existence as proof of an 'Angel Gene' or somesuch that counteracts the vague power of the (actually canon) Devil Gene and is thus used as some bullshit to make Jun or Asuka more special and magical and Mary Sue-ish. Also, her face render in Tekken Tag 1 freaks me out.

#69: Forest Law

Time and hindsight have really killed Forest Law for me.  He was introduced in Tekken 3 amidst a crowd of other replacements for T1/T2 fighters and acquitted himself well enough, and we all sort of accepted him.  Then in Tekken 4 Marshall came back, older but none the worse for wear, and Forest has been relegated to a few minor story mentions since, only returning to the playable line-up for the console version of Tekken Tag 2.  And while there's not much wrong with Forest in that game, there's so little unique about the kid that he feels like a waste of a character slot.  Why even bother inventing a replacement if you're only going to revert to the original afterwards...?

#68: Tetsujin

I have no real problem with mimic characters as a concept - I think they're quite fun, in fact - but you only need one per game.  Not that Tetsujin is much of a character, being literally the same model as Mokujin except shiny metal instead of wood.  It's a throwaway gimmick costume with a name stuck on, and though I can't say it makes me angry for any reason, the only real reaction I have to its presence is a disinterested shrug.

#67: Jack-5

Again, not a big fan of the Jack characters in general, and Jack-5 loses a whole bunch of points for having its relationship with Jane - the only thing that gave the core Jacks an ounce of personality - reset to zero.  That plus I've never cared for the appearance of this particular model, with its over-busy network of lines across its faux-skin and stupid-looking face.  Meh.

#66: Jack-6

Apparently there's a difference between this and Jack-5.

5 years since Tekken 6 and I'm still looking.

#65: Armour King (II)

This is the first entry on the list where I'm a little conflicted, because I do love pro wrestling in general, and love that the Tekken series treats its wrestling characters so delightfully serious despite them all wearing animal masks.  Alas, Armour King - despite his boss Road Warriors costume - has never had quite as interesting a moveset as his tecnico opposite number, and more to the point, the second Armour King - introduced in Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection - has a disappointingly lame storyline reveal.  Oh, there were always 2 of these guys and no-one noticed ever?  HOW CONVENIENT.  And then he goes from trying to literally murder Marduk in their Tekken 6 prologue to being super-bros with every other spandex type in Tekken Tag 2, which just serves to dull this jaguar's fangs.

#64: Eliza

No, I did not vote for Eliza in the Tekken Revolution character poll (I picked 'Sexy Tekken Force Girl', although having since seen the concept art for that one, I think we dodged a bullet missing out), and feared the worst when she won.  The worst...didn't quite happen; I expected another Paris Hilton clone with some goth leanings and fangs, while instead we got something altogether more distinct, which was a minor relief.  Nevertheless, Eliza just doesn't gel with the rest of the roster, with her weird King of Fighters energy wave projectiles and a costume design that looks like a leftover from Guilty Gear.  Feels pretty clunky to play as, too, and of course she's got no storyline to judge as yet.

#63: NANCY-MI847J

I thought about leaving NANCY off this list, since outside of that one level of Scenario Campaign she's not a playable character, but completism ultimately won out.  So what about NANCY?  Well...she (it?) is a big damn robot with a weirdly smiling face.  She uses homing missiles, floor-wrecking lasers and other things that make me gnash my teeth.  If beating her wasn't purely optional in Arcade mode I'd probably scream bloody murder.  But it is optional, and the fun times I've had stomping my way through Millennium Tower, bringing BULLET JUSTICE~! to Anna and her cronies with this mechanised miscreant's vast power, at least put it ahead of some other, arguably better balanced characters.  That design really is too busy, though.

#62: Lei Wulong

This one I might catch some flak for.  Look, I respect history and legacy, and yes, Lei having been around since Tekken 2 wins him more than a few brownie points with me.  Even so, there's only so far I can be impressed by "he's a Jackie Chan homage which no longer looks like Jackie Chan", his storylines are scattershot and never amount to anything, and my god his fighting style is just the worst.  Some characters are unfriendly to beginners, and some don't offer much reward for those who take time to master their many tricks.  Only Lei can claim both of these dubious qualities.

#61: Combot

Combot was invented to fill Mokujin's role in Tekken 4.  Why couldn't Mokujin have appeared in Tekken 4?  I have no idea.  Maybe it was the lack of a supernatural boss character, but that kind of logic seems unnecessary when we're talking about a self-aware wooden dummy.  Anyway, Combot's always looked like a particularly rubbish Battle Droid from Star Wars and never had the charm of his pine-fresh predecessor, but his Tekken Tag 2 ending gave me feels, so he has at least a little redeeming value.

#60: Unknown

Hrrrm.  Well, on the plus side, Unknown's design (naked goo lady) is at least memorable, and her moveset in Tekken Tag 2 has enough distinctions from Jun's to feel unique.  But then, she didn't have a moveset of her own in Tekken Tag 1, she's still a naked goo lady with all the ecchi wrongness that brings to mind, and...she isn't a character.  Everything anyone claims to 'know' about her is pure supposition based on aesthetic details and context, and all of it stems from non-canon games. Call me Mr. Anal Grumpster all you like (don't), it's just really hard to give a damn about a big blob of nothing.

#59: Gun Jack

If nothing else, Gun Jack's default look is different from his many Jack siblings, what with the lack of camo clothes and the weird metal conehead instead of a mohawk, which makes him a touch more unique.  On the downside, it doesn't really make him look good, and I still consider his total lack of actual guns to be a betrayal.  At least his friendship with Jane wasn't yet borked at this point, and his send-off in Jack-5's story prologue would have been poignant if the narrator voice sounded like he gave half a shit.

#58: Christie Monteiro

I'll say this for Christie: she succeeds at everything the Tekken devs designed her to be. Unfortunately, that basically amounts to 'pretty' and 'boobs' and not a lot else.  I already gave Christie some flak in that Tekken 2010/Blood Vengeance compareview post a while ago, and those points are still valid; until Christie shows some sort of agency beyond looking for Eddy, and maybe a personality quirk beyond just broadly happy, she's always going to come off poorly, an attempt to add some more sex appeal to the series without having to put much effort in.  Even so, I don't actually want her to leave, since she is still (shockingly) the only black woman in the franchise, and I think that representation counts.

#57: Azazel

...alright, I guess I can't really make a sensible excuse for counting this guy since he's never playable at all, but, screw it, here he is anyway.  I'm not sure what the overall feeling amongst Tekken fans is r.e. the slow increase in supernatural characters and themes that's been building since day one (albeit put briefly aside for Tekken 4), but as a sucker for sci-fi/fantasy gobbledegook I'm firmly in favour of it, and Azazel - extraterrestrial god from ancient times, chained in a temple forevermore, awoken by clashing Devils, turns into beetles when hurt - is as mad as the series has dared to go thus far.  Yes, his moveset is cheap, but for a non-playable boss that's not terribly annoying, and I never found him as irritating to fight as NANCY.  On the other hand, for something as epic and mythical as this beast, it's disappointing that the devs weren't laying the framework for his eventual appearance in some of the series' earlier games; that would have really helped the sense of ceremony in trying to fight this walking apocalypse.  As it stands, he gets punked a little too easily.  Also, his voice is hilarious for the wrong reasons.

#56: Bruce Irvin

At the most basic level, I believe Tekken fighters are invented for three possible reasons.

1) To fill a specific narrative niche.

2) To take advantage of a fun visual idea one of the devs suddenly came up with.

3) To cover a particular popular fighting style.

Bruce is reason 3 all the way.  He exists because Muay Thai kickboxing is a visually distinct martial art that even people with no practical knowledge of martial arts are familiar with, and the devs felt they needed a Muay Thai practitioner as a result.  And, true enough, Bruce's consistently cool animations do the style credit.  The problem is, that's all he's got going for him.  He has no personality at all, his only notable storyline is being Kazuya's lackey, and he's one of the least interesting physical designs from an aesthetic standpoint.  Makes me wonder if they couldn't 'pull a Christie' and replace Bruce's aging ass with a younger, opposites-gender student of his discipline.  At least that would make the female line-up a touch more diverse, no?

#55: Roger

It's hard to hate a kangaroo in boxing gloves, but it's pretty easy to grow weary of them.  However fun it is watching Roger in action, trying to actually play him has never given me quite the same buzz; he's just a bit too stiff and unwieldy.  And again, he's one of those characters that's been overtaken massively by their replacement.

#54: Jaycee

I went back-and-forth for a while on whether or not to count Jaycee as her own character, for obvious reasons.  In the end, I decided that she has enough alterations to her moveset (and personality) to count as separate from Julia, although in the process I came to the realisation that I don't like Jaycee nearly as much.  She's not terrible, but her moveset tweaks mostly feel like replacing a few animations and doesn't really change her fighting, strategy-wise.  Plus, the more I look at her costume the less I like it, and with so many sexpot girls in the series already I didn't need Julia to give up her more demure persona to join them.

#53: Tiger Jackson

Dammit.  I love Tiger, don't get me wrong.  I love him the way I can only love a dude with a massive afro in flares and colour-changing illuminated braces.  But, even with a few choice animation tweaks, he's still more an alternate costume than a real character, and a completely baffling costume at that.  I'd dearly love to know what sort of madness possesses Eddy to force him to dress like this and get so funky, but I fear that is a mystery we shall never see solved.

#52: Dr. Bosconovitch

Dr. B was a barely-functional joke in Tekken 3 and trollbait in Tekken Tag 2, and if that's all there was to the guy he'd be even further down the list.  As it stands, the good doctor is more notable for his non-fighting appearances in the series, as his story is tied inexorably to Yoshimitsu, Alisa, Jack-2, Bryan and the Williams sisters.  His role may sometimes be limited to a mere plot device, but the breadth of his appearances has made him a surprisingly vital cog in the series' mythology.  And his eyebrows are hilarious.

#51: Michelle Chang

Ah, sweet Michelle, how it pains me to realise I loved you for the wrong reasons. See, I used to judge her by the strengths of her daughter, but in going back over the series' story, I realise how blind I was.  Michelle was never a warrior for nature; she was, disappointingly, an angry young lady with an axe (or tomahawk) to grind, first in the name of vengeance, then in the name of...stolen jewellery.  Uhm.  Right.  That plus the usual Chang fighting limitations have dragged her down this far, but she raised a good kid, and damn did she rock those Daisy Dukes back in the day.

#50: Baek Doo San

How high can I rank a character based purely on one ending sequence?  This high, I suppose, because there's very little else to recommend Baek.  I mean...I guess it's neat he's aged more realistically than most of the other old guard, but he's still one of the most vanilla-looking characters in the whole series, and being the less-cool Tae Kwon Do guy isn't going to win him any awards.  That said, his Tekken Tag 2 ending was one of the best in a game that had no shortage of potential bests, and brought a forgotten element of his past back to the forefront in a way that explained his hard taskmasters' attitude.

#49: Panda

I'm pretty sure there's only one Panda, but don't quote me on that.  Anyway, Panda has the same 'bleh' fighting style as Kuma, and her endings haven't quite given her as much implied personality.  I'm also constantly mystified why a proficient fighter like Xiaoyu needs one of the world's laziest animals as a bodyguard, but what the hell, Panda's probably the only character who came out of Blood Vengeance with any sort of credibility intact, and if that's not worth saluting, I don't know what is.

#48: Jinpachi Mishima

It takes a special kind of man to pull off a look that's half Sean Connery and half Macho Man Randy Savage, topped off with sideburns that reach half a foot above your head.  Jinpachi...has not entirely pulled that look off, but he's got balls for trying.  Beyond that, his fighting style is probably the least immediately-satisfying of all the Mishimas, his purple crystal stegosaurus monster form is helluva stupid, and I doubt we'll ever get a sensible canon explanation as to what the hell said monster form actually was since apparently it's not a Devil Gene thing.  Argh.

#47: Miharu Hirano

Soooo...how much value can I put on cleavage?  Okay, okay, Miharu has some other charms; her ditzy animations in Tekken Tag 2 made her probably the most successful of the DLC characters, she somehow makes Xiaoyu a less-annoying presence in ending scenes (how does adding another babbling schoolgirl make the first schoolgirl less irritating?), and her reappearance was if nothing else a total left-field surprise to me after forgetting she existed for years.  But a clone's still a clone, and I'm still mad that her in-game model had barely a fraction of that boobage.  *cough*

And I'll come back to re-edit this into something less skeevish later.

#46: Wang Jinrei

Every fighting game needs a really old bloke with a white beard in it.  For Tekken, the devs just went 'screw it' and drew as generic an old bloke as they could think of, then lumbered him with a list of moves borrowed from a mess of other characters.  For years, Wang laboured in obscurity as a result, before Tekken 5 found a way to make him stand out...by having him act like a randy old perv whenever he crossed paths with a female fighter.  That might not sound like much, but the joke really never got old (and blissfully, the devs were smart enough to ensure he wouldn't react this way when confronted by his niece Xiaoyu).  That plus his hilarious Tekken Tag 2 ending has probably ensured his place on the roster for longer than he frankly deserves.

#45: Leo Kleisen

Much as I was a bit forgiving of Christie's issues because of her ethnicity and the need for fair representation, so too am I giving Leo a lot of slack for essentially representing...well, take your pick between transgendered types, cross-dressers, or simply tomboys.  Even if it's as simple as a female character designed without sex appeal in mind, Leo means something.  Which is good, because her costume design just feels like a grab-bag of leftovers from an SNK crossover and her moveset is way too much like Julia's for its own good.  Her story didn't start great either (never a good sign when a tertiary character has personal beef with a Mishima) but if her Tekken Tag 2 ending turns out to be canon, there may be interesting times ahead for her.

#44: Raven

...do you know, I've forgotten why Raven isn't lower on this list.  Maybe it's just the implied importance placed on him by Tekken 6, where his prologue implies he can hang with Heihachi in a fight and not get squashed into ketchup as one expects most other Tekken types would, and he takes over as partner character in Scenario Campaign towards the end.  Is that enough?  I don't know.  I'd like to think that there's an overarching plan with Raven that'll pay off at some point down the line, but my guts are telling me that all the 'mystery' elements of his persona will remain exactly that - a mystery - forever, and he'll never feel like anything more than a convenient cypher as a result.  His fighting style's okay but he's so Wesley Snipes it's distracting, and by god some of his quotes are laughable.

#43: Miguel Rojo

Making the series' token Latin bloke a 'hot-blooded' Matador-pants-wearer is so trite it's beyond belief, and yet unfortunately predictable.  Miguel also suffers from his fighting style being... well, 'no style at all' about covers it, and much like Leo, sending a tertiary character against the Mishimas when we all know the Mishimas never ever lose is dramatically unsatisfying (plus Leo and Miguel debuted in the same game - redundant much?).  Time has softened me toward the bloke, though; I like that he got to speak his native tongue in Tekken Tag 2, and the combination of five o'clock shadow and manky hair gives the impression he's forever just rolled out of bed.  And straight into the flashiest shirt he could find.

#42: Asuka Kazama

On balance, I think I prefer Asuka's moveset to Jun's for purely aesthetic reasons; the younger Kazama girl hits with more impact and her throws are nastier.  Plus her 2P outfit (the one in the pic) is pretty cool and distinctive (even if I'm at a loss as to explaining what the hell it is), and most of her ending movies raise a chuckle.  On the flipside, her brassy perma-yelping voice grates on my nerves something awful, another kung-fu schoolgirl added to the series was redundant, and she's another character who's been hurt by the attentions of the fan community in my eyes, with far too much speculative bollocks about her SUPER SPECIAL DESTINY~! which hasn't been even remotely hinted at but, y'know, she's twice-removed from Jin on the side of his family that doesn't sprout wings and shoot lasers, so yeah, I'm sure she's a Sailor Scout in disguise or something...idiots.

#41: Sebastian

I find I'm usually uninterested in the old man characters in any fighting game, but Sebastian rebukes that a little.  Partly because he fights like a very-slightly-tweaked Paris Hilton, and while I don't like her style much it's kind of hilarious seeing it come from such an old geezer.  That plus he clearly spends hours keeping that facial fuzz in shape, and the Tekken devs resisting their worst instincts and making his concern for Paris go all skeevish and pervy, puts him far higher on the list than his ward.

#40: Craig Marduk

Oof.  It's taken a long damn time for me to even remotely like Marduk.  First of all, he's got my first name, and while I probably should be kind of happy that there's a Tekken fighter called Craig, the fact that he's an ugly, overmuscled dumbass from Australia of all places (it's a bloody Scottish name!) has been a source of much irritation in the past.  That plus he's influenced heavily by the rise of UFC and its octagonathon pals, and there is nothing I would rather watch less than professional MMA.  Amateur MMA makes funny Youtube fodder, mind.  But, I'll admit that all the ground-&-pound stuff and Marduk's gorillla-esque frame makes him stand out from the crowd, and I like the way his story's gone, taking him from blindly violent to vengeful to Wrestle Bros.  I will never not be happy for Wrestle Bros.

#39: Ling Xiaoyu

The perennial favourite of my best friend of 10+ years for reasons which I don't thinkare related to her  choice in skirts, Xiaoyu and me have had an up-and-down-and-up-again sort of relationship.  Like most of the newcomers in Tekken 3, her fighting style was an elegant breath of fresh air, and despite Paris' attempts to out-flip her Xiao's moves still stand apart.  And the initial story conceit of a ditzy girl who was a fighting savant and wanted to use prize money to build the ultimate theme park was amusing...and then it became all 'Jin this, Jin that, I have to know, I HAVE TO KNOW IF SEMPAI NOTICES MEEEEEE'.  For the record, I have loved precisely 3 anime series in my time, 2 of them being Gundam shows, so plainly I am not the target audience for this garbage.  High school romance isn't really a workable narrative in a game where the lovebirds are expected to beat each other senseless on a regular basis, anyway...strangely though, I've found myself being less annoyed by this plot as time goes on, with my hatred declining at roughly the same ratio as Xiaoyu's been pushed back out of the spotlight by Paris and other new girls.  Maybe it's pity at work?

#38: Julia Chang

For a girl who pulls off pro wrestling holds, Julia (and Michelle for that matter) has basically had one of the worst movesets in the entire Tekken series since her inception, always looking and feeling clumsy and too slow to effectively pressure an opponent.  And that's deeply annoying for me because, looking beyond the miniskirt and Pocahontas cosplay, Julia's a wonderful girl.  Call me soppy but I believe in the idea of strength through peace, not the other way around, and Julia's thoughtful behaviour and meditative calm belie the inner struggle of someone who'd much rather achieve her goals through study and debate, yet is forced to take up the sword (or the Double Underhook Suplex, whichever) to get what she needs.  She's also quite beautiful on a superficial level, and is closer to a 'real' standard of attractiveness than Paris, Asuka or other such overly cute monstrosities.  It's just a shame that her personal story is stuck at a dead end, and is so inconsequential that said stalling doesn't affect anything else in the Tekken universe...

#37: Feng Wei

Feng's my sub-main and I still can't justify putting him higher than this.  Never let it be said that I will not criticize my favourites.  But yes, the reasons I play Feng are simple enough; he has a very explosive, exciting moveset that's easy to get to grips with and has fun juggles aplenty.  His design at first seems simple, but the exaggerated facial features and clashing colours actually make him quite striking, if not exactly handsome.  And I do like the reversal of the old "wandering the earth" cliché, by having the lone warrior seeking enlightenment be a remorseless arsewipe who'll willingly kill if it serves his own ends.  All that said, though, the dude hasn't had any forward momentum since his debut, and basically every other character either forgot he exists or just doesn't give a monkey's about him, which kinda craps all over the tough guy aura.

#36: Bryan Fury

Speaking of tough guy aura and murdering, hey Bryan!  The cyborg-zombie kickboxer has always toed the line of 'trying too hard' but just about stays in the safety zone of coolness, with his Cable-esque grey hair and eye scar, his camo pants, the inexplicable red napkin tied around his bicep, the bullet belts, not to mention all the tank-and-helicopter-wrecking nonsense he gets up to in his endings.  His fighting style was great fun when it debuted in Tekken 3, though it doesn't quite excite me like it used to, and while the thread of Bryan dealing with his impending mortality in Tekken 4 was interesting, he's defaulted into a rather one-note thug since then, and his rivalry with Yoshimitsu doesn't seem to be going anywhere.  At this point, it's hard to see him going any direction except down.

#35: Violet

Am I mad?  Is it madness to put a glorified alternate costume ahead of so many full-tilt characters?  Possibly, but then, Violet feels like a special case.  His introduction as a 'new' character in Tekken 4 actually threw me at first, though I consider that's as much to do with being relatively unfamiliar with Lee back then as it is the effectiveness of purple hair dye as a disguise.  Plus, while he doesn't really play (or even act) all that different from regular Lee, he does at least have dibs on that wonderfully hammy English voice, and as the host of Tekken Tag 2's Fight Lab he was never less than a delight.

#34: Lars Alexandersson

Even on an opinion column, sometimes I have to bow my head to cold hard fact.  If it were purely down to personal fondness, Lars would be way, way, wayyyy down this list for being a halfhearted character design and a moveset that's a bit too zany for its own good, forced into being thanks to the story of Tekken 6 going in a completely natural direction and the devs somehow getting caught flat-footed by it.  We lost one tiresome milquetoast hero-boy and gained another, more disposable one in his stead.  Joy.  But...but, to be fair, Lars is a pretty key character in Tekken 6, which is still the only Tekken game to have a full story that doesn't leave you waiting 'til the next game to figure out how it ended, and despite the needless amnesia trope which accomplishes nothing his journey is well-scripted and his relationship with Alisa is believable.  I just wish he didn't look like Anakin Skywalker spliced with some random Final Fantasy jerkoff wearing Mister Sinister's cape.

#33: Jun Kazama

Much as with Lars above, Jun's placement is determined much by her perceived canonical worth to the series, and little by my own opinion.  Yeah, I know, I was waxing lyrical about Julia being a kind-hearted soul in her entry, and in theory Jun's got that going for her too, but with Jun it feels almost too forced, to the point where it's baffling why this woman would ever learn to fight in the first place if all she wants to do is take long walks in the forest and ride horses.  Also, do I really need to spell out how dodgy it is that the most 'important' female character in this series is only important because she got impregnated by a dude who was literally the vessel of Satan?  Despite that, Jun is important, so I moved her juuuust high up enough that the next pick will seem especially amusing.

#32: Ganryu

Even Ganryu looks shocked that Ganryu placed higher than Jun and 2 Mishimas.  Look, not every character needs to be deep, or high-tier, or constantly teasing you with panty shots. Sometimes it's okay for them to just be what they look like, and with Ganryu you know exactly what you're getting: a fat guy who slaps you in the tummy, is comedy gold in his endings, and shows entirely too much buttock.  Which, I suppose, means he's also a panty shot character, but, y'know, it's not really the same, is it?  I might not use Ganryu much, but he's been consistently glorious in his ineptitude since Tekken 5, and he's apparently Harada-san's favourite, so screw it.

#31: King (I)

That was an awfully big gap between the first two wrestling types on the list, wasn't it? Anyway, as well as greatly preferring the Original Recipe King moveset to the Extra Crispy King one, King I has some nice dimensions to him as a character.  The original idea of him entering the tournament to save an orphanage might seem hokey (and easy to make fun of if you're one of the unfortunate few to still remember Nacho Libre) but it firmly cemented him as one of Tekken's rare few absolute heroes.  It's not often brought up but this series' moral compass is screwed up something awful, with the majority of the 'good' characters actually motivated by purely self-serving goals, so anyone working beyond that feels exceptional.  On top of that, he had a fun (if undersold) Rocky-alike comeback story in Tekken 2 where he made peace with rival Armour King.  The only reason he's not higher is I've still got 2 more Kings to rank, and I guess that 2P outfit with the spotted tie was always a horrid choice.

#30: True Ogre

It's hard for me to explain the exact appeal of True Ogre, aside from obvious stuff like 'has wings, breathes fire, sometimes becomes the Cloverfield monster'.  It might simply be residual fondness from his standing as the overfiend of Tekken 3, which I still drool over even today, or maybe by being the first boss of these games I personally fought, only going back for the first and second games later.  But there is definitely something amazing about his design, with all the varying animal elements fused together into something akin to a chimaera or griffin, and the snake-arm giving him an unnatural sense of asymmetry without overdoing it.  He's still the lesser form of Ogre, though.

#29: Zafina

You may notice that all the girls on the list from this point forwards are the ones most likely to murder you.  I have a type.  So, as I might have mentioned before, I'm worried about Zafina.  Her story is/was so closely connected to the central narrative of Tekken 6 that, once we officially move beyond that, I worry she'll slide into irrelevance.  Maybe that's making me protective, but I really do like her.  She's stunningly attractive in a fashion that's unique amongst this series' women, her smokey purr of a voice and spooky phrase choices make her seem more than just another assassin, and while her fighting style is a pain in the arse to wield, it's fantastically weird and adds so much more to her mystique than another identikit karate offshoot would have done.

#28: Jack-2

As you've probably twigged from what I've said about the other Jacks, the main (only?) feature about them I find remotely interesting is their relationship with Jane, and that's at its most primal and focal with Jack-2, the perfect military killing machine that decided all on its own to become a bodyguard for a lonely child instead.  There's a touching nobility to that little tale that lets me overlook most of the rubbish features that are symptomatic to all versions of Jack.  I'd also mark Jack-2 as my favourite 'look' of the bunch; his clothes seem sensible and there's no broken skin or weird robo-bits sticking out, with the only things giving away his robot status being his bulk and his glowing eyes, Terminator-style.

#27: Alex

He's a dinosaur.

#26: Marshall Law

Legacy gives Marshall a lot of weight to him, since he's been in every game save Tekken 3 and Tekken Tag 1 (and he made a couple non-playable appearances in the former to boot), and is now basically accepted as being part of the furniture of the series; there'll never be a Tekken without a Law in it, and until aging takes him properly off the table it'll always be Marshall.  Having a near-identical clone somewhat blunts the value of his appearance and fighting style, but then he originated it, and it's not like the deal with Baek and Hwoarang where one is clearly better than the other.  The 'fighting chef' plotline also helped give him narrative legs that his early feud with Baek wasn't delivering, and he's usually good for a laugh, but after three games on the trot of being broke and scheming, I'd really like to see something, anything else for this guy.  And have I mentioned that I still hate backflip spammers?

#25: Slim Bob

Taken on his own merits, Slim Bob's actually a little boring to look at, with his generic tracksuit and fairly plain spinny-kicking moveset.  It's lucky, then, that he's almost impossible to take without thinking of 'regular' Bob, and the comparison suddenly gives a whole new life to the Slimster.  Think of it as two sides of the same joke.  Slim might actually be a little bit more fun to play than main Bob, with the tweaked animations showing his clumsiness when he can't throw his weight around giving him bags more character, albeit maybe at the expense of tournament worthiness.  And his Tekken Tag 2 ending is both a nice mirror to regular Bob's, an amusingly scathing parody of 'size zero' body shaming, and features Bob dressed like Viewtiful Joe.  What's not to love?

#24: Bob

Regular Bob may not rock the Joe outfit, and his bumfluff goatee may be the douchiest thing this side of a bedazzled purple fedora, but he is the origin point of this weird walking dichotomy, and the shared moveset works so much better (read: looks far weirder) when applied by him.  There's also something irrepressibly excitable about his usual voice; it's the confidence of a man who's secure in his masculinity and his life, as opposed to, say, the shouty obnoxiousness of Marduk, who can't stomach the thought of anyone considering he might have a sensitive side.  I find it fascinating - and not surprising -  that Bob and Leo both debuted in the same game, as they're both characters that subvert the genre norms and attempt to make players rethink some iffy perceptions of people.  Luckily, where Leo turned out to be kind of a failure (with everyone questioning "boy or girl?" when they were meant to say "doesn't matter, works the same whichever"), Bob's intent may yet be fulfilled.  For that, I salute him.

#23: Roger Jr.

I still don't know why they insist on taking the name of the baby when you play as the Mama, but whatever, Roger Jr. is pretty great.  The moveset hasn't changed much since Roger Sr., so it's still kinda bleh, but the frivolous addition of a baby kangaroo in the older kangaroo's pouch amplifies the cuteness to incalculable levels.  Why the hell didn't they do that the first time around?  Also, the ongoing Roger family drama has lead to possibly my favourite series of endings across the last three games, not just for being funny but also for understanding how continuity works, and showing actual development and progress in the character relationships as opposed to just rehashing the same idea (Anna hates Nina!  Law is broke!  Bryan is mad and strong!) over and over again.  See, devs?  It is not that hard.  Now try the same thing with a character that's not a silly animal.

#22: Alisa Bosconovitch

For the purposes of this argument/my sanity, Blood Vengeance does not exist and Alisa can only be judged by her game appearances.  By that logic, she comes off much better, and the whole "can a robot know love???" story is, amazingly, written in far tighter fashion across Tekken 6's Scenario Campaign.  Alisa is, on balance, probably the 'cutest' of all the Tekken girls (which does not make her the 'best looking' overall, mind) and her default outfit just about manages to avoid being 100% cheesecake thanks to the lurid colours and curious asymmetrical design that conveys her mixed-up mind very well.  The clash between her soft-spoken voice and killer robot mannerisms is also very amusing, and her fighting style just about rises above the silly chainsaw-and-jetpack gimmickry.

#21: Kuma (II)

Just look at the gap between this guy and the first Kuma.  That's the difference personality makes in my mind.  Sure, Kuma's had some moveset tweaks over the years, but he's still sluggish, clumsy and mostly useless.  What he does right is being the most consistent comedy player on the roster, and though that sounds like winning a booby prize, the absurdity that winds up surrounding Kuma has given this largely silent character life in a way his predecessor could only dream of.  Kuma (II) is earnest and loyal, but holds more than a little ambition of his own, although his cunning is often foiled by his own physical clumsiness; plus he's a determined romantic but has yet to figure out a successful way to impress the girl bears after 10+ years of trying.  Poor, furry moron.  C'mere and let me scratch your ears.

#20: Kunimitsu

It's just as well Kuni's mask covers her nose, or she'd be forever choking on the stench of wasted potential.  While nearly every sub-boss character in the early Tekkens started life as a slightly tweaked pallette swap for one of the open-from-the-start fighters, Kunimitsu at least stood out from her distaff counterpart more successfully, trading in a long sword for a short dagger and using more conventional ninja tricks (before Raven stole them) instead of Yoshi's whirling dance nuttery.  Add to that an interesting character design that actually hampered her sex appeal instead of exploiting it (welp, the Tekken Tag 2 costume kinda put paid to that but still) and a pretty engaging story of wounded pride and betrayal that pit her against both her former master and Michelle, and you had one of the best prospects going forward...and then she vanished without trace or mention, apparently because the arcade crowd didn't like her.  Well, fuck those guys/girls/sponges, Kunimitsu was boss and deserved better, and here's hoping her appearance in Tekken Tag 2 doesn't turn out to be a one-off.

#19: Eddy Gordo

Fair warning, I don't play as Eddy.  I mean...at all.  If I'm going to use a capo, well,  with any luck I'll be playing Tekken Tag 2 and can use Tiger instead, because he's funky and whatnot.  Nevertheless, Eddy is the original capo, and the capo style was the immediate stand-out of everything new in Tekken 3, even if as time went on it's kind of become a subject of mockery.  Capoeira had been seen in fighting games before then (Elena from Street Fighter Something springs to mind), but it had never seemed real the way it did in Tekken 3 through the magic of motion-capture.  Beyond that, Eddy's got a straightforward but iconic primary costume (what the hell is FALSCA, anyway?) and started off with the always-reliable 'jailed for a crime he didn't commit' trope.  The stuff with his dying master was dull in Tekken 5, but his little Faustian pact with Jin in Tekken 6 made it worthwhile, and I'm interested to know where it'll go from there, especially assuming the Eddy/Christie ending in Tekken 6 is canon.

#18: Steve Fox

Another character largely defined by his fighting style, Steve felt like a major game-changer upon his Tekken 4 debut.  A character that doesn't kick, in a game where 2 of the 4 face buttons are all about kicks?  'What the hell use is that', many of us thought.  'Oh, that's what it does', we soberly mused minutes later after giving the boy a whirl.  With buttons 3 and 4 controlling a variety of evasive sidesteps and ducks, Steve was (and still is) the only boxing character in any fighting game to actually 'get' the art of boxing, and even now he's one of the stand-outs on the whole roster, mechanically.  It's enough to compensate for his slightly 'bleh' wardrobe choices (I kinda dig the union jack shorts, but the bright red bondage pants have gotta go), horrible voice that doesn't sound like anyone to ever actually come from England, and the wheel-spinning his story got stuck with in Tekken 6 after shrugging off his relation to Nina and dealing with the whole 'am I a real boy' drama rather flatly in Tekken 5.  Hopefully the odd crossover his Tekken Tag 2 ending had with Leo's actually amounts to something.

#17: Hwoarang

First of all, let's all consider how amazing it is that Hwoarang is the permanent #2 favourite boy of all Tekken fangirls (and fanboys who swing that way) despite being a ginger with a face as ugly as that.  Dude must be magical.  But yeah, when Hwo turned up, you'd have sworn there was never a Tae Kwon Do guy in Tekken before - which does kinda highlight just how dull Baek was, but also makes clear just how much of an improvement Namco made with their second attempt.  And while he's a little too spam-happy for my liking, Hwoarang has rapidly ascended to becoming one of the series' truly iconic characters, and he's alone in being the only non-Mishima to feel like a credible threat to a Mishima.  Exactly why he got singled out for that treatment, I've no idea, but given that particular unwritten rule is easily my least favourite thing about Tekken's story, I deeply appreciate having someone who can give the rules the middle finger salute they deserve.

#16: Jin Kazama

Jin did not make much of a first impression with me.  Oh, sure, he had cool gloves and fire pants and such, but he really was a namby-pamby lookin' prettyboy and being a clone-replacement of his cooler dad didn't help matters.  Redressing him as a 'traditional' karateka guy in Tekken 4 fixed that second issue, but in the process his Angst Dial was ratcheted up to 11, making Jin all but unpalatable to anyone who doesn't still willingly listen to Linkin Park.  But then, something funny happened: after 3 games of eye-rollingly predictable flirtations with nebulous 'darkness', Jin basically shrugged, grabbed said darkness by the throat and jumped into bed with it wholeheartedly, turning himself into a spiky-haired, grumpy-faced Cobra Commander in time for Tekken 6.  I adore all forms of nutty world-conquering evil, and while Scenario Campaign couldn't resist revealing that his Blofeldian actions were all for the greater good, the logic used to get to that point was so hilariously batshit insane I can't help but applaud it.  Now if he could just stop whinging about his mum...

#15: King (II)

Legacy.  That's a big, loaded word, and while it can apply to more than a few 'replacement' characters, it works best for King II.  Taking up the mask of the man who raised you, and studying under his former arch-rival, so you can continue fighting the good fight in the squared circle in his name?  That's epic and awesome and totally justifies having the words 'ANGER OF BEAST' printed across your crotch.  Then came Armour King II's death and the subsequent rivalry with Marduk, which could have ended poorly if King II wasn't a Good Man At Heart and resisted the urge to General Zod him while he was sleeping.  So instead of simply beating sense into his foe, King II shows he can be both the better man AND the bigger man, making peace with Marduk and becoming Wrestle Bros.  Much like real pro wrestling, it's all played very broadly, and succeeds because of it.  The language of mock-fighting is universal - everyone can get it.  And that's why everyone, by rights, should love King.

#14: Devil

Let's start by pointing out that this guy is purple from head to toe.  Not red, like you'd probably expect from something claiming to be the devil, and not black, but purple.  It's such a wonderfully brazen shade too, like he's daring you to say something funny.  Aside from  that (and, y'know, lasers), I ran cold on Devil for years largely because I took all the 'Devil Gene' talk in the games at face value.  Recently, though, I've taught myself to ignore the mixed signals of the 'gene' part and treat this as more supernatural than sci-fi - that this entity is not some split personality created by a mutated DNA strand found in the Mishima bloodline, but is in fact the Devil itself arisen from Hell, taking Kazuya as a host since it needs a pair of legs to walk among the living and, hey, the Mishimas can generate lightning when they punch stuff, who wouldn't want to be them?  It also makes Kazuya falling for Jun a bit less schmaltz and a lot more evil; what's more likely, those two were soulmates or Devil saw a pure-hearted woman, giggled and decided to corrupt her for the sake of it?  I could go on and on, though unfortunately, Devil's kinda been subsumed into Kazuya's mind since Tekken 4 and doesn't really exist as a separate entity anymore.

#13: (Ancient) Ogre

I'm still not used to the new name, so this guy's just Ogre for me.  Ogre is, for me at least, the most successful of the 'out there' Tekken bosses to date, which mostly means he's a lot like Azazel but more potent.  Both are dread things from beyond the stars treated as mythic entities by primitive cultures, but Ogre, perhaps because he refrains from speaking in a silly voice, seems the more imposing.  He's also got one of the best designs of pretty much any character in the series, taking classic Mayan/Aztec trappings and applying them to a body that's just odd enough to be alien without over-egging things.  His moveset is a peacemeal combination of borrowed animations, but it works better here than the same tack did when applied to Wang (explaining that Ogre is built to absorb the skills of warriors it meets helps a bit), and perhaps most importantly, Ogre is established as a threat at the expense of the older characters.  Granted, Jun's 'death' will no doubt be totally erased from the series' canon sooner rather than later, but for a good few years Ogre claimed her scalp, and he still killed King I.  Heightening the stakes by killing off characters is admittedly a cheap dramatic device, but we didn't lose much in this case, and gained one hell of an antagonist.

#12: Prototype Jack

The regular versions of Jack have their own appeal, but nothing beats the coolness of P. Jack.  Look, if I'm going to play as a robot, I want it to be as robot-y as possible, so why bother with fake skin and stupid hair when you can have rivet-studded steel and Terminator shades, and flappy hands that don't ever want to behave?  P. Jack's rejigged throws and other new moves give him a lot more comedy value than his brothers (which really, is the only value to be found with the Jacks) and his endings are reliably fun, but what gets to me about him is his motivation.  P. Jack didn't want to be the beta model of a superior machine, but that's what he's been treated as, and while engineers can get away with that sort of attitude with modern computers

or cars or anything, when it comes to sentient robots, the rules are different.  P. Jack just wants to be useful.  To have someone appreciate him as something besides a rough draft.  Can you blame the poor guy for getting violent about it?

#11: Mokujin

Yeah, Mokujin nearly made the top 10.  I am patently insane.  Like I said before, I have nothing against mimic characters (except when there's more than 1 in a single game) and Mokujin wins points for being Tekken's first mimic.  There's also something timeless and cute about his very basic design, especially with his wacky Pinocchio nose and the little sapling sprouting from his head.  Aside from that, it's his endings that really endear him, because honestly, when has Mokujin let the side down in that area?  Tekken 3 with him playing the arcade cabinet and getting busted by his wife (?), great.  Tekken 5 with him collapsing lifeless to the ground only for a new plant to begin growing from his body, poignant.  Tekken 6 with him essentially going through the motions of Jin's story via hand-puppets, gorgeous and oddly scary.  And Tekken Tag 2 with photo-editing magic letting him visit the Namco offices, hilarious.  Mokujin might not have much of a story or sense of history, but he's been a great sounding board for the devs to basically throw concepts at.

#10: Sergei Dragunov

Creepy look?  Check.  Goose-stepping fascistic uniform?  Check.  Russian?  Check.  Cold, taciturn demeanour?  Check.  Legit interesting fighting style that doesn't look at all stupid?  Check.  Dragunov pretty much ticks all my personal 'like' boxes, even before you consider he's named after a sniper rifle.  'Scary Russian' is one of those character tropes that turns up in basically every fighting game, but Dragunov is quite possibly the best distillation of the concept, an old Soviet warhorse who's not really that old, and presumably spent the years between 1985 and now in some Captain America-alike deep freeze.  That there's been little attempt to give him anything meaningful to do storywise is a crying shame, but Dragunov is awesome enough by presence alone to surmount that.  Also, he got two pictures of Yveltal stitched onto his jacket, and that's just boss.

#9: Devil Jin

Lest we ever forget that Tekken's roots are firmly in the '90s, Devil Jin is basically the most '90s looking fictional guy imaginable who isn't named Cable or Spawn.  Bulging muscles!  Chains!  Tribal tats!  Black wings!  Inexplicable spiky elbow bits!  More chains!  And while that's easy to laugh at, DJ doesn't go so over-the-top as to be ugly or dumb.  His fighting style's at least as much fun as Original Recipe Devil, but it's the sudden personality shift away from regular Jin that makes him stick out; gone is the moody emo bullshit and in comes bulging eyes, hissed threats, Darth Vader chokeholds and the most terrifying laugh you'll ever hear.  That's what puts DJ above the other Devil, mostly - he still has his own identity.

#8: Armour King (I)

Sometimes death is the best thing for a character's journey.  Look at Captain Marvel, for example: the original, Mar-Vell, had a decent hook in being an alien soldier who turned his back on his homeworld to protect Earth, but writers never found a good way to expand on that.  But then he died and stayed dead, and his legacy feels sufficiently weighty that it means something for Carol Danvers to carry his mantle now.  I don't think Armour King I is in quite the same boat, admittedly; he actually had a good run when he was still alive, moving from King I's rival to his coach, then on to being the mentor of King II.  That was really great development, especially considering it was back in the days when Tekken characters couldn't speak.  And then, he was killed, but at least he died meaningfully, trying to quell Marduk's rage, a task which would ultimately fall to his student.  That thing in your heart that's making you want to cry right now?  That's feels and Armour King I is made of them.

#7: Paul Phoenix

Paul, on the other hand, is not made of feels.  He's made of stupid.  And sometimes, I lament that; Paul is, after all, one of the series' oldest stalwarts and perhaps worthy of being treated with more respect than he gets.  But, on the other hand, it doesn't stop him from being popular, his style (while kinda vanilla) still kicks ass, and he's utterly hilarious as both a straight-up goof and as a parody of the hyper-male stereotype across all media forms.  Paul, like 99% of all traditional 'heroes', believes that might makes right, and that by being the STRONGEST IN THE UNIVERSE~! he'll somehow 'win' at life.  Hell, in other games that logic would pan out well, but here, Paul gets shot down time after time, his ambitions being pierced by the cold needle of reality, proving over and over that strength must be balanced by intellect, otherwise you're just a dummy punching rocks all day.  Or, y'know, aliens.

#6: Heihachi Mishima

...damn, it's hard to think of anything to say about this guy.  Probably the most instantly recognizable character in the whole series, a 2-time final boss, owner of the most consistently silly hair in a series that isn't exactly shy in that regard...the one thing that doesn't get said very much about Heihachi is how he's been devolving into a comedy character over the last bunch of games.  Sure, his 'death' in Tekken 5 was a fake-out, but there may have been a serious message behind it.  That game marked the end of Heihachi as an A-level threat, and he's now reduced to a bit-player while the younger Mishimas get to be center of attention.  It kinda makes me more fond of the old man out of sheer sympathy, though of course I'd never tell him that in case he punches me or, worse, brings back his sumo diaper.  *shivers*

#5: Anna Williams

Nobody likes being second best.  Which is why I've often mused about one day questioning a focus group of longtime Anna players about their family status, because Anna's motivation is entirely wrapped up in her status as a younger sibling.  It's not something I, as a single child, can relate to, but I get it.  Everyone's needy as a child, and if you know your parents have someone else's mouth to feed besides yours, you're gonna get resentful, especially if the other mouth in question is older and thus had a head start on you in academic

terms and overall maturity.  I used to think - still do, sometimes - that we're well overdue for an actual living appearance by Daddy Williams in the Tekken games, if only to finally get some concrete answers regarding the nature of the sisters' quarrels, but thinking about it more deeply, I doubt it would solve anything.  Anna's perceptions were coloured before her age hit double digits, and they plainly haven't changed since.  If that all sounds negative, I guess it kinda is, but only in the sense that Anna's story is tragic, and quite affecting for

it.  Of course, she's also very good at not showing it, thanks to her eye-catching dress and provocative mannerisms (which don't skeeve me out the way Paris does because Anna is a grown ass woman dammit) which give her personality to spare.  Add in a moveset that's dovetailed neatly from being a Nina clone to being very unique, and enough connections to the Mishimas to keep her in the spotlight, and Anna's never too far from my thoughts.

#4: Lee Chaolan

Lee is perhaps the most interesting Tekken character from a story perspective, largely down to the conflicting duality of his persona.  The side of himself Lee presents to the world - the side which steals scenes in Blood Vengeance and other peoples' endings - is a fey, clownish oaf who's forever smiling and "EXCELLENT"-ing at everyone apropos of nothing, and if that was all we knew of him he'd be a fun comedy character and nothing more.  But, we also know he was Heihachi's adopted son, who stayed loyal to Heihachi for decades and went to an American university to acquire the necessary education needed to serve as a worthy business successor to his father...only to realise in time that neither Heihachi nor his true

son Kazuya cared one jot for business or economics, just raw power.  So he left them behind and amassed his own fortune independently, and since Tekken 4 he's been overseeing events from behind the scenes, scouting out opportunities and probing weaknesses in both Jin's Mishima Zaibatsu and Kazuya's G-Corporation.  So the clown is simply a mask Lee wears to stop anyone else from noticing that he might well be the most dangerous man in the whole Tekken universe one day - and perversely, he'll be so not because he's good at punching stuff or sold his soul to Satan, but because he's just that much smarter than everyone

else.  What else does he need?  Well, he's also got a nifty super-kicky fighting style, although I think his primary costume needs an overhaul; it's not nearly camp enough.  His tuxedo is fantastic, though.

#3: Yoshimitsu

Growing up as a '90s kid, I of course loved Power Rangers, and in recent years I've come back to the show and re-evaluated it - and while it's easy to appreciate stuff like that ironically, my love for the franchise is very genuine, and I think it's underappreciated as a morality play for younger audiences, and for its generally awesome martial arts battles which can be enjoyed at any age.  All that said, is it a shock that I care so much about Tekken's resident masked sentai warrior?  It's not just his moveset, which only gets more impractically barmy with every passing game.  It's not just his ever-changing wardrobe that makes waiting on his next appearance one of the more intriguing pleasures in the run-up to each new release.  It's not even just the fact that he a glow-in-the-dark sword which he sometimes kebabs himself with for little good reason.  It's what he stands for, who he is, that matters.  Yoshimitsu doesn't just steal from the rich, but from the corrupt, and he distributes their wealth to the impoversished regions of the world, as seen way back in his Tekken 1 ending.  It's Robin Hood writ large.  Even taking that away from him, he's gone out of his way to help Dr. Bosconovitch purely because he considers the man a friend, and likely saved Bryan Fury's life despite owing him nothing.  He's a goddamn hero in the most classic sense, and Tekken has precious few of those.  Which of course makes me pretty bitter over how he's changed in the last few games, with revenge in his heart and a cursed sword trying to kill his soul, but I believe in Yoshimitsu and I know he'll find a way back from this.  Although a godpowered demon Yoshi would be a pretty sweet boss for Tekken 7...

#2: Kazuya Mishima

The first, most important thing to remember about Kazuya is how deliberate a middle finger he gave to the conventions of the fighting game protagonist.  It wasn't apparent at first; when Tekken 1 started up, there he was, doing his jumpy uppercuts with red gloves and white pants, motivated by a personal connection to the final boss, just like Ryu or a dozen others before and after.  It was only when you got through to his ending, and saw him smirk in satisfaction as he tipped Heihachi over the cliff, that you started to sense something was wrong...and lo, Tekken 2 confirmed it, putting Kazuya in the boss chair and fully manifesting his Devil alter-ego.  'Scowling hardnut driven by revenge' is the basis for far too many heroes in gaming, but with Kazuya, the Tekken devs rightly pointed out that vengeance is not a heroic motive, and that responding to violence and betrayal with more of the same only turns things into an endless cycle.  And so Kazuya marches on, oblivious and confident in his own prowess to eventually win out, when in reality he lost this game long ago.  That's some powerful stuff right there, and if this guy wasn't so fantastic at being a complete and utter dick, I might feel sorry for him.  Still, at least he has a naff purple dinner jacket to keep himself happy.

#1: Nina Williams

Was there ever a doubt of this?  What were you expecting me to say?  That I only like Nina for her butt and that doesn't demand a rank in the top 10?  Don't be silly now.  Sure, I first noticed Nina for her looks, in much the same way that I first noticed Yoshimitsu for his (okay, maybe not the EXACT same way...but did you see how tight his butt looked in Tekken 4? *purring noise*), but looks only go so far, and Nina has always offered more.  Where some, blinkered, people see her as 'just a bitch' - because god save us from women who don't obligingly get on their knees on command - I see the inner resolve needed to treat murder as a job, and the scar tissue from a broken family.  I see someone who prides herself in her skills in combat because she's sacrificed every chance for a happy, normal life in order to live up to the expectations of a mentor long gone.  I see someone who is comfortable and confident in their body but won't give it away cheaply.  Moreover, I don't just see a 'strong' woman (a very simple characteristic that isn't always worth much by itself); I see a conflicted, smart, witty, sometimes vulnerable, often lonely, but happily independent woman.  And thankfully, I don't feel like I'm just reading too deeply here, since Nina has had a pretty eventful history over the series, clashing with the Mishimas, duelling with her sister, forced to do the bidding of Ogre, and of course the wasted but briefly-engaging soap opera with Steve.  Hand on heart, though, I think her Tekken 6 angle is her most interesting role to date.  No, not because it's a goldmine for Nina/Jin slash fiction, but because it's curious that a lifelong assassin would willingly perform bodyguard duties, not to mention the implication of Jin attempting to keep his conscience clear by letting Nina dirty her hands with all the really heinous tasks his war demands, something which Nina can't possibly be unaware of.  I think that really speaks to how Nina lives with herself; she knows full well that she's likely going to Hell for the things she's done, but if she can spare one or two people the same fate along the way, it's worth it.  On more surface levels, Nina's moveset took a few games to be fully realised, but it's evolved into something that's as brutal yet complex as she is, and though there have been some sweet looks for her through the years which I wish would come back, the 'space suit' that debuted in Tekken 5 finally gave her a single, iconic look that united the threads of many previous designs, and hints at many of Nina's character traits through visual quirks alone.  She's my one true virtual love, and the undisputed, everlasting Queen of Iron Fist.  Respect that.

~+~