???: HEY YOU!
Nina: Hm?
Chun Li: You hurt my friend! Now it's time for me to get some payback, and you better believe it's gonna come - WITH INTEREST!!
Nina: Uh-huh. And you are?
Chun Li: Like you don't know! I'm Chun Li! Interpol detective! Master of the Spinning Bird Kick! Panty-flasher extraordinaire! STRONGEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!
Nina: Stop shouting, Chubby.
Nina: That's what I said.
Nina: I don't even know who your 'friend' was -
Chun Li: Cammy!
Nina: That name means nothing to me.
Chun Li: She was the super-awesome commando! Y'know, with the, uh, braided pigtails and the leotard and the...weird paint splotches on her legs?
Nina: OH! Girl-scout sleazy apartment wrestler, I remember that one. Thought I killed her.
Chun Li: She's just resting!
Nina: Yeah, resting. In a pine box, in the ground. Tch...
Nina: Y'know, if I had anything else to do right now, I'd just walk away and leave you to stew. But as it happens, my schedule's open, and this whole 'Strongest Woman' crap has seriously pissed me off, so let's do this, Chubby.
Chun Li: Okay! Get ready to feel the brunt of my ultimate technique! HAJIME!!
Chun Li: SPINNING BIRD KI -
Nina: Wait, stop. What the hell is that?
Chun Li: Uhm...the Spinning Bird Kick? My ultimate technique?
Nina: That's your move?
Chun Li: What's wrong with it?
Nina: Physics, for a start. You're levitating upside-down with no force holding you in place. Do you even know how that works?
Chun Li: Erm...huh. No, I actually don't. Never thought about that 'til now...
*pause*
Chun Li: ...oh dear.
Chun Li: OW.
Nina: Oy vey.
Nina: ...you want a hand getting up?
Chun Li: Ye - NO! I've only just BEGUN!
Nina: Again with the shouting. I'm literally inches away from you now.
Chun Li: LIGHTNING KICK~!
*whiff*
Nina: Ever considered not saying the name of your next move aloud before you do it?
Chun Li: Uhhhh...
*crunch*
Chun Li: Gak!
*crrrikkkk...*
Nina: Wow, you really don't work out these arms much, huh?
Chun Li: Ahhh - !
Nina: Ready to call it quits now?
Chun Li: Get away!
Nina: Oh, still got some fight left, Chubby?
Chun Li: You ain't seen nothing yet!
*whooshy fire noises*
Chun Li: Time to kick things up a notch - this Kikkoken will...wait. What's that?
Nina: Oh, this? This is a grenade launcher.
Chun Li: But - you can't have a grenade launcher!
Nina: Excuse me, weren't you about to throw a fireball at me?
Chun Li: ...er.
Nina: Uh-huh. Just think of this as levelling the playing field.
Chun Li: BLORG!
Nina: Pfft. 'Strongest woman in the' nothing.
Nina: Hm?
Julia Chang: AAAH! No don't hurt me I'm sorry PLEASE!
Nina: Eh, you're fine, Jules.
Julia: *squeaks*
Wait, so Chubby (lol) was the mystery sniper, right?! Or is she the filler episode and the sniper's true identity is yet to be revealed?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, unsurprisingly, I laughed HARD.
So many good lines; I don't know how you keep coming up with these.
They have a bit of a Buffy vibe, haha. Always loved that show's humour. Some of the best one liners on TV.
So who's next?
Looking forward to the inevitable David Hasselhoff showdown when you run out of videogame/comic characters. :D
Keep em coming
No, Chubby wasn't the sniper. As you can probably tell from the tone of this post, I don't have a great deal of respect for her, and I figure if given a gun she'd only blow her own foot off with it. Suffice to say the sniper is someone I actually respect, and this little diversion was just something I felt obliged to do when the SFXTK wave 2 minis arrived.
DeleteThe next one will probably be Wolverine just to get him out of the way.
Poor Wolverine, this can't end well for him!
DeleteSo this is some kind of JJ Abrams scenario where the cliff hanger story twist from episode 1 will remain a mystery for the whole season... Sounds good!