TEKKEN TAG TOURNAMENT 2: Character Endings in Review (UPDATED)

Okay, so Tekken Tag Tournament 2 has been out for long enough now that I don't feel like an asshole for talking about the endings.  All (well, nearly) of the game's gargantuan roster have received their own individual CG ending cutscene this time around - no more all-in-one film for ChrEddy and other clones! - and, on average, the running time for each has expanded.  More importantly, IMO, they're a much more varied bunch tonally and artistically than the disappointing haul from Tekken 6.  So, I'm gonna go over them one at a time and offer my thoughts on the content, style and general quality of each and every single one.

Two things in advance, though.  One, I'm not posting the actual vids here - it'd clog up the post.  If you want to look them up without bothering to play the game yourself, you lazy so-and-so, I recommend the YouTube channels of Robert Cram or Bloodburger1.  Two, there are still several characters yet to be unlocked on my version of the game; my pre-order codes got me Kunimitsu and Ancient Ogre but not Michelle Chang or Angel, plus there's Violet, Dr. B and Unknown who have yet to be added in.  When they appear, I'll update this post accordingly.  (UPDATE: Got them added now!)

GET READY FOR THE NEXT BATTLE!

Alex

The last survivor of the dinosaurs goes a-huntin' in the desert and gets more than he bargained for.  It's not exactly a flattering showing for the scaled one, but the reversal of expectation is funny, and I like how it sort-of ties in with the Roger Jr. ending.  Harmless fluff.

Alisa Bosconovitch

Sigh.  Much though I understand how Alisa's cuteness appeals to people - and she is certainly the cutest of all the Tekken girls - I personally enjoy it more when the cute is contrasted with her blunt, killer-robot nature, which isn't happening here.  It's a fairly long ending, but not a lot seems to happen in it; there's a lot of stalling between the jokes that could have easily been trimmed.  Oh, and putting Alisa with Xiaoyu is obviously a nod to Blood Vengeance and NOTHING good can ever come from referencing that pile of dreck.

Ancient Ogre

Attack of the clones!  Ogre's victory heralds doom for mankind, as informed to us by minimally-animated sketchy drawings which, combined with the fiery light effects, combine to give the impression of prehistoric cave paintings come to life.  It ties in very neatly with Ogre's backstory of being left on Earth long ago in a dormant state, and is nicely apocalyptic, though it does make me wish we could have learned more about the Big Green Machine before he vanished from the 'canon' games.

Angel

Angel and her dark counterpart, Devil Kazuya (in his goofy Blood Vengeance form again) soar above the city and engage in a climactic contest of wills over the fate of Kazuya's soul, with Angel emerging the victor.  The music and direction work overtime to make this feel epic, and as with the console opening FMV it's cool to see Angel break from her calm demeanour and cut loose.  Interesting how the ultimate embodiment of good is also a frightening powerhouse of destruction in the Tekkenverse.  The grace note of the glowing feather falling onto Kazuya's prone form is pretty beautiful, too.

Anna Williams

'Lightning Scarlet' arrives at...er, something with a red carpet, and fends off repeated attempts on her life in her typical style-overkill fashion.  It was inevitable she'd get one over on Nina here to keep things in balance, but the cameos from Zafina and Kunimitsu (who gets blown into...fireworks? o_0 ) were a nice surprise.  Not hugely keen on the soft-focus glow employed for much of this sequence - it's not really as flattering to the characters as whoever designed it clearly thought it was - but it's a fun interlude that doesn't outstay its welcome.

Armor King

WRASSLERS GONNA WRASSLE!  A pretty direct continuation of (part of) the Arcade intro cutscene, with AK and Jaycee taking on King and Marduk in an octagon, because that's where wrestlers usually fight, right?  What?  Oh.  But, yes, this falls into the same style of wrestling seen in previous Tekken endings, i.e. crazy gravity-defying slams and a fairly lax understanding of how selling works, with some very dynamic camera work.  Gotta ask, though - how does someone as large as Marduk get that much air on a jump?

Asuka Kazama

A bunch of rejects from Yakuza 4 look set to square off in the middle of Somewheresville, Japan, until super-schoolgirl Asuka tells them off with some big kicks and her angry face.  It's about as goofy as we've all come to expect from Asuka, and doesn't tell us much new about her, but it's okay.  But what is it with Asuka's breasts?  This is at least the second time her ending has wound up focusing on them (remember Tekken 5?) and it's baffling me.  I mean, yes, she has big boobs, but they're hardly a focal point of her character design the way they are on, say, Christie.  And yet we end this scene with a dude eyeballing them and thinking 'motorboat' - why?  Is this a Japanese culture thing I just can't grasp 'cause I'm Scottish?

Baek Doo San

Probably one of the biggest surprises of all, as the aging Tae Kwon Do master breaks down quietly in his dojo as he remembers his deceased father.  I do recall hearing before that Baek was responsible for his dad's death, but back then Baek was kind of treated as a bad-guy character, existing solely to be Marshall Law's arch-enemy; bringing it up now in a different light and showing how it weighs on his soul is totally out of left-field but works.  The flickering hyper-contrasted colours of the video compliment the mood nicely, and the way Hwoarang drags Baek back to the present while preserving his privacy is a great character moment for both.

Bob

So...Bob is a superhero now.  Uhm...okay?  Was this ever hinted at in T6?  I guess he kinda acts like an urban vigilante in his stage during Scenario Campaign but this still feels like a stretch.  Whatever the case, it's no more silly than anything else about Bob, and the art style matches the wacky content very well, smartly skewing that little bit more towards Western comic books instead of manga.  Mind you, if Bob did actually catch that girl in a world with anything like real physics, the impact from hitting the ground would almost certainly kill her.  Like a Tekkenised version of Gwen Stacy.

Bruce Irvin

Bruce punches a car like he's Hellboy and saves a very small bird.  I...can't really say much else about this; that is literally all that happens.  Does anyone actually know what Bruce is all about?  Like, what are his motivations?  Goals?  Pet hates?  Anything?  Because I sure as hell don't.

Bryan Fury

I know, crappy picture - couldn't find a better one on short notice.  Anyway, it's another Bryan/Yoshimitsu scuffle, with Bryan obviously winning because, hey, it's his ending.  The fight is a lot less flashy and impressive than in their T5 endings, but at least it's different (I'll come back to that point later).  The dark colours might have been a direct tie-in to Bryan's persona - or maybe just because it's nighty-time.  Take your pick.

Christie Monteiro

Christie's chasing Eddy around again, because that is basically all that Christie does now.  The style of the cel-animated art is very eye-catching, especially with how the sun-kissed colours match the summery, outgoing nature of Christie's persona, and the music was nicely melancholic; but I can't shake the slight sense of apathy I get from the actual events being shown.  Eddy keeping Christie at arm's length is becoming kind of tired now, especially when it's unclear why he's bothering.

Combot

Not content with just being the star of Fight Lab mode, Combot gets his own proper ending as well, again cel-animated but with a sketchy style reminiscent of the prologue artwork from Tekken 4 (where Combot was last seen - coincidence or...?).  For such an intrinsically goofy character - he's basically Mokujin reskinned as one of the doofus Battle Droids from the Star Wars prequels - the sombre tone of his ending is a surprise, but the result is something genuinely heartbreaking, as the robot looks upon mankind's way of disposing with any machine that outlives its usefulness and is overwhelmed by the truth of his (its) mortality.  The music might have had me tearing up here, not gonna lie.

Craig Marduk

Excuse me while I bemoan the fact that the Tekken guy bearing my name is a 500lb lump of raw stupidity and friggin' Australian...ehn.  Anyway, it's time for more wrestling, with the same flashy, colourful but largely unfiltered art style as Armor King's video, except here it's Team Muscles with the advantage, and the stand-out moment being Marduk pulling one of the turnbuckles loose and swinging it like a club, the big nutter.  Expect to see John Cena doing the same thing on a WWE card in the next few months as part of their bookers' attempts to get him over purely based on muscle width.

Devil Jin

Devil Jin flies up into orbit like he's Superman, before being visited by Jun's glowing ghost, which...knocks him out and lets him fall a hundred miles or so to his death.  Motherly love, Tekken-style!  But wait - Normal Jin is found laying in the desert like he was at the end of Tekken 6's Scenario Campaign.  So, what, is TTT2 entirely a dream of the near-dead Jin post-T6, and that's why it's non-canon?  Weird.

Doctor Bosconovitch

(Placeholder image, couldn't find one from the appropriate video) The good doctor frantically works in his lab, analysing blood samples taken from the Mishima clan, and discovers...something...linking Jinpachi, Heihachi and Lars.  What is it?  I have no clue, except we suddenly cut to Lars in a helicopter looking tense. This one left me a little cold; I was expecting something zanier from Dr. B, given how utterly mental he is to play, and...well, look at him.  As to the meaning behind this discovery, I'm at a loss, though I guess it indicates we won't be seeing a Devil Lars anytime soon.  Yeah, I know, Jinpachi was a monster in Tekken 5, but apparently it wasn't a Devil Gene monster, despite appearances...

Eddy Gordo

Using the same striking cel-style as Christie's ending, this one takes place a matter of minutes before that, showing what Eddy gets up to when he's not running around looking for old mans' cures or sulkily following Jin's commands - he runs a little orphanage like the first King did.  There's a slightly groan-worthy play on words to remind us that Eddy is super-tough because he's been in the clink, and then Eddy goes off for revenge on...whoever it is he wants revenge on now.  I'm not even sure who anymore.  On a side note, why is Eddy so keen to keep Christie out of this?  Because she's a girl?  Dude, she can fight just as well as you can - in fact, she fights exactly the same as you do.  And it's not like back-up would hurt, right?

Feng Wei

Hey, remember how Asuka supposedly entered Tekken 5 to avenge her father's beatdown at Feng's hands, before the devs decided to forget all that in favour of having her just be lesbionic rivals with fellow brat Lili?  Well, somebody finally reminded them what she was meant to be doing, and here's the result!  The confrontation doesn't go so well for miss Kazama, as Feng clearly considers his bowl-balancing circus act to be of greater importance than her.  The art style and music aren't especially noteworthy, but since I'm hardly an Asuka fan I do enjoy watching her get punked, and the closing moments with Feng looking set to unleash the beast are a nice reminder of how scary this guy is meant to be when he's not just punching implausible lava balls out of the air. (seriously, Tekken 6, what the hell?)

Forest Law

Forest takes his winnings and goes to Vegas with Paul for some gambling and nookie, enraging Marshall in the process because, dammit, he needed that money for another restaurant start-up that will ultimately fail.  Or did something else happen?  The kooky 'photo-puppet' animation fits both the slapstick comedy common to these characters, and the childishly simple (but still important) 'message' found at the end.  By this point, I'm sure we've all accepted that Paul or Law endings will never be serious again, but at least this proves they can be silly as all hell and still say something.  And Marshall's LOLcat-esque rage faces make me giggle.

Ganryu

How is it that the Tekken devs can get so much mileage out of Ganryu as a stalking creeper and still make him weirdly likable?  Maybe it's just because he's easily the world's least-effective stalker ever, and his ending continues on that theme, as the sumo-man just happens to be walking through the (I guess) Iron Fist Tournament locker rooms when Jaycee decides to go for a shower, and she just happens to have left her door open...bow chika wah wow.  Ganryu's voice actor deserves some sort of bonus just for having to simulate the sound of getting a massive erection while in a recording booth, and the Lei Wulong cameo is perfect.  The only way this could be better was if Jaycee turned out to not be who Ganryu thought it was.

Heihachi Mishima

There seems to have been a concerted effort in recent years to slowly remove Heihachi from the spotlight of the Tekken series, at least when it comes to the story.  Sure, he's still there, and still popular, but the focus has shifted more toward Jin vs Kazuya, with Heihachi being the odd Mishima out, relegated to comedy skits where he launches people (sometimes himself) into space.  He doesn't do any more orbital hijinks in TTT2 but his ending is no less crazy, as we first see him restore his youth with a nonspecific solution in a test tube (don't do drugs, kids), before taking another that unlocks his ULTIMATE FINAL FORM...kind of.  It's played purely for laughs, acknowledging the ludicrousness of Heihachi's evil ambitions and reducing him to the kind of tongue-in-cheek bad guy that could be foiled by the Scooby-Doo gang.

Hwoarang

TAFKA Bob (before we actually had a Bob) challenges his eternal rival Jin to a duel, this time with bikes instead of fists.  Honestly, I was kinda disappointed by this one; the editing and composition doesn't convey quite enough energy to put across the enmity/begrudging respect between these two, nor the impression of truly fast movement.  Also, Jin's bike can apparently levitate thanks to weird scene progression.  Having Lei turn up to stop the shenanigans was funny, though, and felt like a cute nod to the ending of fellow biker Paul in Tekken 3.

Jack-6

You ever see Armageddon?  Now imagine if it was only 1 minute long, free of the tiresome Michael Bay-isms or Ben Affleck man-tears, and was a Tekken tie-in.  That's what this is.  It's quite awesome, and also strangely melancholic - which seems to be a recurring trend with the robots in this game.  The one thing it doesn't have is some righteous Aerosmith on the soundtrack, but you can add that in yourself mentally.  I mean, we've all memorised the lyrics to 'Don't Wanna Miss A Thing' by now, yeah?  Yeah?  No?  Oh.  Uh, me neither.

Jaycee

More wrestl - wait, no, there's a plot this time.  After Jaycee beats up poor ol' King again, she retires to her locker room and the truth is revealed - she's actually Julia Chang!  Aren't you surprised?!...no.  Of course you're not.  We all heard about this wayyyy before the console version of this game was released.  Unfortunately, that basically sours this video, as it is literally just showing us the events that caused Julia to don the mask, events which we already knew about in advance.  The scene itself has some nice music, but the overdone filter leaves the flashback scene looking washed-out and unpleasant, and there are no surprises or grace notes worth mentioning.

Jin Kazama

After emerging victorious in the Fallen Garden, Jin cradles his mother Jun in his arms...until she dissapates in a cloud of sparkly stuff and he flips out.  This is a really short ending, which is a surprise given that it's the 'Face of Tekken' we're talking about - although of course it's really just half an ending, with the Devil Jin video forming the other half.  Unsatisfying on its own, though.

Jinpachi Mishima

The eldest Mishima returns from...wherever he was to the Honmaru (or maybe just some other place that resembles it) and confronts Heihaci, then concentrates really hard until his ki makes Heihachi disappear, or blow up, or maybe just fall over a bit.  I'm guessing whoever came up with this one is a big Dragon Ball Z fan, since this is like every single episode of that anime I ever saw - two silly-haired musclebound guys staring at each other and making constipated faces while weird light flies around, until eventually one dies.  It's also just as interesting as a Dragon Ball episode, i.e. not really all that much.

Jun Kazama

The spirits of the forest are summoned to Jun, who does a little prayer dance as they all turn into starlight, and then she sort of turns into fairy dust and floats into space.  I...I don't even know, alright?  It's hippy stuff. Like, Jun is dead but she's all around us, man.  She is one with the Force now.  Maybe.  Tch, what the hell, it's pretty much meaningless fluff that tells us nothing, but it fits Jun's earth mother persona, I guess.

Kazuya Mishima

You know how Kazuya bumped uglies with Jun back in Tekken 2?  And Unknown, according to this game, is basically Bad Jun?  Well, either Kazuya does not approve of her new goo-themed wardrobe or he just thinks love is for wusses, because here he straight up sucks the life out of Junknown and uses it to turn into his Blood Vengeance Stage 2 Devil mode.  Take that, shippers!  It's unremarkable otherwise, with that Blood Vengeance design still looking like an over-busy eyesore and a slight sense of deja vu from Devil Jin's Tekken 5 ending.

King

Yep...more wrestling.  This is the last one, though.  The art style is unchanged, although the moves are of course new, with King delivering a pretty sick mid-air piledriver on Jaycee (that's no way to treat a lady!) before taking down Armor King with a Crucifix pin...which mostly serves to make AK look like a jabroni.  I mean, c'mon, a crucifix?  That's a pretty weak sauce finisher, you gotta admit...

Kuma

Oh dear, Kuma's chasing tail again.  The opening moments, with some schoolkids fooling around with Kuma under the impression it's a man in a suit, raise a smile, and then Kuma gets a look at Panda - or rather, Panda's butt.  At that point I got distracted by thoughts of Billy Gunn's old WWF entrance theme and had to rewatch the thing later.  It actually feels like it's been a while since this 'romance' was the focus of a Kuma ending (although it's a common fixture for Panda), and even though I do find this particular instance a little rape-y, at least the offending party gets what he deserves in the end.

Kunimitsu

The girl ninja's quest for her old master's sword belatedly continues.  I love the dusky colours and the filter used in this one, to make it look like it's being animated against weathered parchment, and the fight is animated brilliantly.  On a character note, I do like that, even though it's her ending, Kunimitsu still doesn't beat Yoshimitsu in the battle, instead 'winning' through slight of hand trickery - and the note of amusement in Yoshi's voice as she makes her getaway is a nice, subtle hint that there's more than simple enmity between these two.  Kind of a shame that we likely won't see any more of this plot unfold, unless the devs can cook up a reason for Kuni to be both not dead and not aged a day in 20 years in time for the next canon game.

Lars Alexandersson

A nice, cozy family evening for the renegade Tekken Force commander and his relatives...none of whom get along, and all of whom have some pretty voracious appetites (even Jun, which is a bit disturbing).  Of course, it's 'all a dream', but since this is pure comedy territory it's not a disappointing revelation in the least.  I didn't much care for Lars in Tekken 6; his moveset was fun but his personality varied between dry and nonexistent; he never managed to shake off the stigma of being created purely because Jin couldn't be the protagonist in that game.  Here, at least, his presence feels justified, as the laughs come from playing him off as the one sane member of the Mishima/Kazama clan.

Lee Chaolan

Just another day at the office for Lee, trying to get in his secretary's pants while fending off attempted murders.  It's silly - like anyone expects different from Mr. 'EXCELLENT!!' - but the choreography/animation is nicely done nonetheless.  Not sure what the pink filter is about, though, other than just to remind us that Lee is a camp dude.  Er, don't think we needed the help there...

Lei Wulong

Lei fights Forest...or is it Marshall?  I couldn't tell, really.  Either way, it's just here because wouldn't it be nice if Jackie Chan fought Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee didn't basically break Jackie Chan's neck in a cave in a matter of seconds that one time?  Nice animation work and the grainy 70s filter works very well, but like most Lei endings it leaves you with an 'is that it?' feeling.  Not sure what more can be done to make this guy more intriguing, really.

Leo Kleisen

Wait, did they just...further a story?  In a tag game?!  What madness is this?!  Yes, Leo finally takes some damn initiative r.e. the whole dead parents thing, sneaking on board a speeding train to break into G Corporation's computers.  Because of course they keep their servers on a constantly moving train.  Doesn't everyone? (I keep my backup hard drive in a booth on a nearby ferris wheel) Joking aside, it's nice to elaborate a little on Leo's background rather than just have her him her saying she's going to beat up Kazuya which we all know she won't pull off because Mishimas > non-Mishimas by law.  Not to mention the tie-in to Steve's story forces Leo to be a bit more integrated with the rest of the roster, whilst before she felt disconnected and frivolous.  Top marks for this.

Lili

Hooray for my least-favourite character! *limp fanfare* Anyway, Lili tries to get one over on Asuka through what is, if I'm honest, a pretty amusing ploy, but again, it's an ending that overruns and outstays its welcome. Remove half of Lili's preening and reaction shots of Asuka's 'ARGH'-face and you'd trim the runtime by half without sacrificing narrative or entertainment value.  Also: I like that Lili speaks French now, so I can turn off the subtitles and pretend she's saying "I'm a vacuous bimbo" over and over again.  See, I knew sleeping through French classes in high school would pay off one day!

Ling Xiaoyu

No, this one isn't in French - it's just the pic I found had those subs on it.  Anyway, Xiaoyu, Alisa, Miharu and Panda are at the fairground again and run away from some rain, then talk about getting older and still being friends.  That's...basically it, just talking.  There's a meaning to it, yes, but it's the sort of meaning or theme that would have been better presented metaphorically through action - here, with it being told to us by what feels like stilted dialogue no human being (or tin can pretending to be a human being) would ever say, it's just clumsy and head-thumpingly obvious.  Not to mention this again feels like one of the longer endings, and due to the lack of action the runtime feels unwarranted.  Still, it's twee enough to fit the character.

Marshall Law

Marshall does some sweet nunchaku moves like a big show-off; Forest tries to replicate and fails.  One of the shorter endings and feeling like it, this is more in the 'one joke' fashion of endings from the Tekkens of old than the progressively more complex ones of recent years, but it's still kinda funny and the 70s filter again works wonders.  I have to ask, though - can somebody do something to make Marshall look older than Forest?  Because the only real difference here is choice in outfit.  I know some people didn't like the goatee Marshall picked up in Tekken 4, but if he still had it now it'd make things much less confusing.

Michelle Chang

After finding her daughter's Jaycee mask in their apparently shared changing room, Michelle finds herself fascinated with the thing, leading to a family tag-team of epic destrucity! (Ultimate Warrior FTW) I know I've harped on about the wrestling endings but this one gets a pass as there's very little wrestling involved, a good amount of storytelling AND it's not a story we already knew.  Michelle's attitude with the mask on is pretty hilarious, too, but when Julia calls her 'mom' it kinda throws me.  I know, it's a non-canon game, but there really is virtually no age difference between these two, since Michelle has apparently been updated based on her Tekken 2 age and physicality but with new dress sense.  It's just a little weird.

Miguel Caballero Rojo

After winning a random back-alley brawl, Miguel goes to straight-up beat one of the guys into a coma, but oh noes!  He has a sister that looks like Miguel's dead sister and now Miguel's all confused!  Tch...look, again, I'm a little biased here; Tekken 6 did not give me any good reason to care about Miguel, the whole 'avenged a loved one' plot is done to death, and unless someone comes up with something more interesting to drive the man he's gonna stay boring for the foreseeable future.  Nothing about this ending really changes that, and the fighting involved isn't stylish enough to recommend it purely for that.

Miharu Hirano

Pervy camera angles aside, this one has Miharu and Xiaoyu, again, mostly talking about stuff rather than doing anything.  The moments of closeness between the two - complete with cloying sentimental music because why not - would probably be more meaningful if Miharu was a recurring character in the series, not one who disappeared after Tekken 4.  Or maybe that's the point, that Xiaoyu's words are a stand-in for the Tekken devs, admitting that they perhaps should have kept Miharu around more to keep fans happy?  I think I'll go with that, because otherwise this one is a total miss.  The way it ties in with Asuka and Lili's endings is a big ol' WTF, too.

Mokujin

Mokujin gets a weird ending?  Surprise!  Seriously though, as with Tekken 6, Mokujin's ending stands out through its art style, which is less animation and more a photo story, with CG renders of Mokujin and...girl-Mokujin (Mokujane?) inserted onto static photos taken from around Namco-Bandai HQ, where Mokujin is visiting.  It's nice to see the offices of the devs this way, and Mokujin has the same natural comedic value we all know well by now.  Plus of course, the style alone lets it stand out from the crowd.

Nina Williams

Yeah, Nina gets a .gif instead of a pic because of favouritism.  It's my blog, I can do what I want.  Anyway, this one shows Nina on a typical night's work, sniping some poor guy, screwing with G-Corp and dealing with Anna's unwanted interference.  The lack of story development would vex me, but in the grand scheme of things this is actually new for Nina; her previous endings have either been tied in strongly with her story or have been played for laughs, so having a straight 'action' video for her is actually pretty cool.  Plus, there's a nice, subtle shift in the art style and direction for this one, with the reduced colours and glow from the moonlight complimenting the grim determination of Nina, and the shaking 'handheld' camera work bringing to mind Hollywood action movies of the post-Bourne Identity era - fitting for a character with primarily Western design and appeal.

Ogre

Not much to say story-wise here; some poor schlob with a video camera runs through a flaming post-apocalyptic hellhole, before dropping his camera at the sight of an unnaturally huge (True) Ogre.  What's important here is the style, as the movie-maker goes into a full-blown Cloverfield homage, with shuddering camera motions, the on-screen camcorder HUD and the constant panicked breathing and exclamations of the 'cameraman'.  Given the proliferation of found-footage movies still clogging up multiplexes the world over, this still feels timely, and Ogre is certainly the right fit for the format.  The flickering amber glow from the flames and the reddish sky above really compliment the demonic character design too.

Panda

*sigh* Back to Team BFF again, for the last time.  Panda gets all sulky because Xiaoyu is spending more time with Miharu than him...her?  Panda's a girl, isn't it?  Whatever, this one's probably the 'best' of the Team BFF endings, since at least there's some action with Panda going on the rollercoaster and spinning tea-cup ride.  In fact, it might just be the sight of Panda doing this stuff - which is intrinsically funny - that makes me like this ending that little bit more.  Even so, it could have been a lot better - like, say, if Panda's sulkiness came from a sudden bout of motion sickness or vertigo, which his owner was ignoring...

Paul Phoenix

'Paul's Hatred of Bears vol. 5, the Outdoorsy Years'.  Going hiking with his mates Marshall and Forest (and again I complain about them looking the same - seriously, check the image and tell me which is which), the latter's youthful spirits provoke the ire of something large and furry that isn't Kuma.  This is harmless enough and made me giggle, though it's not quite as hilarious as Paul's Tekken 5 or Tekken 6 endings ("BRING IT ON YA ALIENS!" will never cease being glorious).  Also, I have no idea what the super-bright colours are about here.

Prototype Jack

Continuing in its efforts to prove itself superior to all other Jacks, P-Jack takes to the skies (presumably also trying to stop a giant meteor) in his own Voltron-alike super robot - which is of course a giant version of himself.  The combination of Giganto-Jack surrounded by little P-Jacks in yellow hard-hats is a winning combination, and the pompous brassy military marching music sets up the unfortunate coda perfectly.  It does make me sad, though, since P-Jack remains the greatest Jack through dress sense alone and, damn, he just can't catch a break.  No Armageddon heroics for him.

Raven

Recycling the same setting and art style as Kunimitsu's ending, Raven also faces off with Yoshimitsu, and...well, straight-up murders the guy.  It's a nice enough fight sequence but it left me a little hollow, although that's mostly out of bias.  Whilst I really like Yoshimitsu and have done for years, Raven just fails to move me.  This is the problem when a character's entire deal is 'mystery'; eventually, if so much of their persona and background is left obscure or inexplicable, it becomes impossible to give a damn about them.  I mean, who is Raven?  He's a ninja getting bossed around by a voice from a Bluetooth headset.  Who is the voice?  What do they represent?  Are they real, or is Raven just a crackpot with a split personality disorder who has rationalised talking to himself as taking orders from a higher authority?  I like that last idea, but it's probably too clever for Tekken.  Also, the sudden change in tone of the Raven/Yoshi rivalry from 'goofy' to 'fatal' is jarring.

Roger Jr.

Roger Sr., after making an ass of himself in the last couple games, has decided to make amends to his stressed-out wife and reconnect with his son - but oh no, the old girl's got a new man in her life!  The soap opera storytelling of this ending is pretty great, all things considered, and the fact that this is happening to a family of (mostly) kangaroos doesn't stop you from feeling a little pang of sympathy for poor old Roger Sr.  He's not a bad husband, he's just a lazy one.  He found the right woman and figured that'd be enough, then sat back and waited for the good life to start, never figuring until later that he'd have to work for it.  Story of many men's lives...wait, hang on - how does he hold a bouquet when he's wearing gloves all the time?

Sergei Dragunov

The KGB (I assume) have got their filthy paws on some stolen weapons tech, but alas for Dragunov, it's clearly Ikea weapons tech, so he has to put it together himself.  I'm not the only one who got the whole 'mail-order Russian brides' joke implied here, right?  Also, judging by Dragunov's construction efforts, those instructions were clearly made to the same standards as the ones Hasbro include with most modern Transformers toys that don't help in the slightest.  The grainy filter with the faded colours here is effective, though for the life of me I can't explain why.  Maybe there's just something about Sergei that makes him feel like he's not from Russia as it is or will be, but from how it was a good 40 years ago.

Slim Bob

Essentially a 'remake' of regular Bob's ending, but tweaked to show how differently Bob thinks of himself when he's trimmed down to his natural figure.  Of course, he still saves the day - and his slim size lets him deftly avoid being killed - AND impresses a pretty lady, but he still feels as if he's missing something.  This really works as both a comedy sequence and a statement on the theme of image vs. self-respect, albeit done in the reverse of the usual fashion; instead of some poor girl starving herself to become 'pretty', here Bob just can't be happy when he's not pushing 500lbs.  Oh yes, and Slim Bob's superhero gear makes him look like Viewtiful Joe, which is of course awesome.

Steve Fox

More plot development?  Yes please!  After a weirdly dismissive Tekken 5 ending that effectively tried to kill Steve's only worthwhile narrative strand, and a Tekken 6 ending that did basically nothing, Steve gets back on track with a flashback to his early years, and in particular the attentions of Dr. Kleisen (yup, Leo's mum), the closest thing he had to a mother back then.  Funny how she looks not entirely unlike Steve's actual mum, who remains annoyingly annexed from this whole affair...bitterness over that detail aside, it's great to revisit this story, and with this video we not only link Leo a bit closer to at least one other Tekken character, we also figure out what the reasons behind Steve's 'creation' were...dun dun dun!

Tiger Jackson

Tiger Jackson does not get an ending.  This upsets me immensely, as Tiger is basically the only Capo character I actually like due to his dressing as a Christmas tree with an afro on top.  He also lacks any significant customisation items, which heightens the sense that Tiger was something of a last-minute inclusion, even more so than the other console-exclusive fighters.  It's a shame, really - imagine if his ending had him leading the whole cast in a silly dance number in some huge strobe-lit hall, like the end of the 'Gangnam Style' video.  Wouldn't that be something?

Unknown

Great, now I can't find pics without words on them...after being defeated (in her own ending?), Unknown sinks down through the dark pool towards a pitch-black abyss - but Angel appears, offering salvation!  Well, not really - she just touches Unknown and makes the demon lady's creepy body-paint and glowing eyes fade away before she continues to drift into eternity.  See what I mean about Angel being kind of vicious?  It's a somewhat melancholic ending with a nice colour contrast between the darkness and Angel's light, and the music really sells it.

Violet

Already featured in the non-updated version of the game as the ending for Fight Lab mode, here Violet somehow abducts Kazuya, Heihachi and Jin and forces them to fight against his new Super Combot DX, and wouldn't you know it but the little Phantom Menace reject gives the overpowered Mishima berks a sound thrashing!...for a while, anyway.  Typical revenge-fantasy fluff from Lee's other self, but the action is choreographed nicely and I personally mark out for Lee's English voice from Tekken 4 making a return.  It's so fantastically camp.

Wang Jinrei

This might just be my favourite.  Wang, Tekken's Resident Old Guy, has a shadowy meeting in a shadowy room with the other old-aged fighters to discuss the realities about their impending mortality.  What on paper sounds like a heavy, depressing subject swiftly takes a turn for the bonkers, as we flashback to character deaths from previous games that Tag 2 clearly cares little for - including Wang's own demise in his Tekken 6 ending - and Jinpachi shatters the fourth wall by calling the developers themselves too chicken to dare kill off even one of the least-popular fighters on what is a pretty damn large roster.  And then Dr. B starts planning to turn everyone into robots because that's basically all he does.  Glorious.

Yoshimitsu

It's Yoshimitsu's Tekken 5 ending again.  Sure, it's in a different location, and Bryan has a different gun, but the beats are all the same; invisible Yoshi, Bryan wrecking stuff, big dramatic stabby ending...hell, I think Yoshi actually says the exact same line as he did back then.  Frankly, I liked it more the first time - the ruined city was a more interesting backdrop - but even if that wasn't the case, the recycling would still irk me greatly.

Zafina

Zafina stares at some wall paintings as her internal monologue assures us that just because the events of Tekken 6 didn't cause the apocalypse (as she'd predicted) doesn't mean she's letting her guard down.  Then she kills some dudes, because why not.  Honestly, this doesn't really assuage my fears over Zafina's character arc going forwards; she was so strongly tied to the Azazel business in Tekken 6 that, with him out of the way, it's difficult to see what reason she could have for continuing to appear - and she is an interesting enough addition to the roster that I want her to stick around.  I just don't want her to be superfluous.  Not much to say about the style of this scene, except that the moonlight makes Zafina look very pretty.

~+~

I didn't mean to end on such a negative note - rest assured that, despite my sundry complaints, my comments at the top of the post remain true; TTT2's ending haul is diverse, entertaining and impressive as a whole, and a vast improvement on Tekken 6.  Better than Tekken 5?  Maybe not - that game set a very high bar for endings, and the smaller roster meant there was less room for duffers amongst the crop.  But it's clear that a lot of time and thought was put in to the videos this time around, and I have the greatest respect for Namco on the care shown with what some would call a frivolous addition to the game, but which means a lot to dorks like me.