Toy Review: TEKKEN BISHOUJO NINA WILLIAMS

 Silently wondering who the first clown will be to

try making a grab for the goods.

First things first, welcome to 2015 on the blog!  No, I didn't die in some nuclear catastrophe toward the end of last year, I just got caught up in a bunch of non-blog stuff that kinda torpedoed my drive to keep updating this page.  Plus, there wasn't a hell of a lot to talk about - I mean, I could've done a post on Smash Bros. but, why?  Do you need me to tell you it's good?  No, you do not.

But as ever, I'll always drag my arse back here when there's something worthwhile Tekken related to discuss.  And the release of the series' first lady in the Bishoujo statue line - shamefully 3+ years after the line debuted - feels like justification enough.

Let's hit it!  But not too hard, it might break and these things are expensive.

Opinion Blog: The Worst Bosses of my Gaming Life

 An all-too-familiar sight for Teen Me.

Look, I love games.  Of course I do.  My recent weeknights have been spent alternating between Hyrule Warriors, Bayonetta 2, Lego Batman 3 and a return to BioShock 2 (in case you were wondering why updates are so infrequent).  Real life is dull and exhausting and full of rules nobody can explain but must all be followed at all times.  Games are lively, untiring and make their rules plain.

Even so, if there's anything more guaranteed to sour my mood than a BOSS FIGHT~, it's...probably my actual job, honestly, but still, bosses.  A good boss can be many things: that one last hurdle before the triumph of the end credits, a despicable sod you can't wait to pummel, the final exam for all the tricks you've learned in the hours before.  Sadly, it's all too easy for none of these ideas to stick and you end up with a bad boss, one whose presence cripples the game around it rather than enhancing it.  We've all got our personal hall of shame.  Here's mine.

Craig's Token Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase 3 Thought Post

 Love the reactions in this shot.  Downey's smug bow, Evans' mildly

embarassed aw-shucks wave, and Boseman all 'OMG OMG IS THIS REAL??'.

So, unless you live under a rock, or simply don't care about this kind of thing, you've likely already heard what was revealed at Marvel Studio's exclusive-attendance press event last week.  The entirety of 'phase 3', the next solid block of films taking place within the universe defined by The Avengers has been charted, and so now we know every step on the path to cinema's current greatest heroes facing their ultimate - final? - battle.

Obviously, this is big news, and hundreds of other sites have been scraping over the details, running any number of rumours to try and gain hits.  Me, I'm late to the party, and I sure as hell don't have any inside sources to tantalize you with...but I slacked off and let this blog rot during October, and it's high time that changed.  At least this is something I'm enthusiastic about, so the writing should come easy.

Now Playing: HYRULE WARRIORS

 One of these days, that scarf's gonna wrap over his eyes

and he'll stab himself by mistake.

Developed by Omega Force.

Co-published by Nintendo and Tecmo-Koei.

Released mid-September 2014.

Format: WiiU exclusive.

Hold the presses - Nintendo farm out prized characters for unrelated spin-off title from lesser studio!  NEWS AT ELEVEN!

Actually, no, that's uncalled for.  While Nintendo absolutely deserve the snark they get for, say, Mario and pals showing up in an NBA-branded basketball game, they are generally more cautious with a few of their other big names, like Metroid or Kirby or, in this case, Legend of Zelda.  Whether or not that's down to producer demands or an attempt to preserve those titles' status by restricting their appearances to only core games is unclear; actually, it might simply be down to these series all picking one particular game 'style' and sticking with it, whilst Mario in his first 3 core titles (Donkey Kong, Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros) went through 3 wildly different takes on what a platform game can be, so he's always been fairly malleable in that regard.

But let's just say a big 'whatever' to all that because now there's a Zelda Musou game and Nintendo would really like you to buy it okay.

Film Reaction: TEKKEN 2: KAZUYA'S REVENGE

 Hooray for lazy re-used art assets!

Okay then.  I can do this.  I can do this.

For those of you not as prone to chasing up every Tekken-related newsbit as I am, here's a quick catch-up: the earlier Tekken movie, released in either 2009 or 2010 by Crystal Sky Productions, made virtually no money in its super-limited cinema run before heading to DVD markets, but producers are a funny lot who can make excuses for anything, so somebody decided they really needed to keep hold of the license rights.  A couple years pass and some word-of-mouth goes around about a planned prequel movie titled Tekken: Rise of the Tournament, with Ong-Bak's Prachya Pinkaew set to direct.  Some people (me, mostly) get a bit excited.  This movie does not happen.

Months later, actor/martial artist Kane Kosugi excitably blabs about getting the lead role in Tekken: The Man Called X.  Most assume this is the prequel under a new title.  A few days after that, Kosugi's talent agency issues a retraction, saying the film is actually titled Agent X and has nothing to do with the Tekken license.  The production goes on with little to no further notice.

Finally, in August 2014, the film's trailers debut little over a week from its planned straight-to-video release...and announce it as Tekken 2: Kazuya's Revenge.  No sign of anyone called X anywhere but Kosugi is definitely front and center.  I have watched it.  Now you watch as I attempt to make sense of it all.

Time Capsule: The Matt Smith Era, Part 3

Forever of 2 minds as to whether this coat was an improvement on

the Geography-teacher jacket.  River needed a glitzier dress for sure, though.

Wow, is that the time?  Haha pun.  But it's been a while since the last Time Capsule post and...yeah, I may have been putting it off deliberately.  Matt Smith's first season is a joyride for me, but his second is much harder to sit through.  It's at this point that Steven Moffat gets fixated on his own long-term story arcs at the expense of individual episodes, and - well, we'll see how that turns out as I go over each one, piece by piece.

Put the kettle on and buckle up.

Further Adventures of Minimate Nina, part четыре: A Day Unlike Any Other

Nighttime, at a news office on the outskirts of the city...

(Don't ask which city.  There is only one.  The city.)

Nina:  Porn, porn, angry editorial about some spider-guy, weather forecast, porn, sports...ugh.

And this chair is tiny and really cramping my butt.  Guess it was a long shot

to expect this rag to have anything on new organised crime outfits...

though maybe I can break into the CIA from here - 

SUDDENLY THE POWER CUTS!

Nina:  This isn't going to be the good kind of surprise, is it?

???:  Miss Williams!  On the authority of SHIELD, you are under arrest!  Come out of the 

building with your hands empty and there won't be any trouble!

Iron Man:  You don't really expect her to go for that, do ya?

Captain America:  No, not really.  That's why you're all here.

AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE!

Click through for more.