The SPLATOON War Journal

FRONTLINE REPORT

INKOPOLIS LIBERATION CAMPAIGN

DAY 29

Report filed by 1LT Crawfish 'Craig Macd' MacMackerel

Two rooks fresh out of selection

War.  War has changed after all.

Used to be, I could tell who the enemy was just by looking at their eyes, their flags, their tentacles.  And you knew what you were fighting for.  All those long, sticky days trudging through hostile ink down in the valley, gradually wearing down strongholds until we could take out the Octarians' weapons of mass stainage - oh, they were real.  Very real.  Don't let the limp-suckered media types tell you different.  I lost 3 good men to the Octomaw.  Watched them get swallowed up, struggling to reach past its reinforced teeth before it bit down and, splat.  Gone forever.  Nobody came out of that valley unmarked, but we never doubted the mission.  We were keeping people safe.

These days?  These days I see the same faces on the other side of the field as I do among my own squad.  There are no superweapons to secure, no evil mastermind waiting to be toppled.  Just endless proxy battles between factions, with no high goal than keeping YOUR colour more prosperous than THEIR colour.  All happening out in the streets of our own city.  Somehow I doubt anyone feels 'safe' anymore.

But, I'm a soldier, and this is still a war.  A turf war.  And I'm going to fight.

Opinion Blog: The Worst Bosses of my Gaming Life

 An all-too-familiar sight for Teen Me.

Look, I love games.  Of course I do.  My recent weeknights have been spent alternating between Hyrule Warriors, Bayonetta 2, Lego Batman 3 and a return to BioShock 2 (in case you were wondering why updates are so infrequent).  Real life is dull and exhausting and full of rules nobody can explain but must all be followed at all times.  Games are lively, untiring and make their rules plain.

Even so, if there's anything more guaranteed to sour my mood than a BOSS FIGHT~, it's...probably my actual job, honestly, but still, bosses.  A good boss can be many things: that one last hurdle before the triumph of the end credits, a despicable sod you can't wait to pummel, the final exam for all the tricks you've learned in the hours before.  Sadly, it's all too easy for none of these ideas to stick and you end up with a bad boss, one whose presence cripples the game around it rather than enhancing it.  We've all got our personal hall of shame.  Here's mine.

Now Playing: HYRULE WARRIORS

 One of these days, that scarf's gonna wrap over his eyes

and he'll stab himself by mistake.

Developed by Omega Force.

Co-published by Nintendo and Tecmo-Koei.

Released mid-September 2014.

Format: WiiU exclusive.

Hold the presses - Nintendo farm out prized characters for unrelated spin-off title from lesser studio!  NEWS AT ELEVEN!

Actually, no, that's uncalled for.  While Nintendo absolutely deserve the snark they get for, say, Mario and pals showing up in an NBA-branded basketball game, they are generally more cautious with a few of their other big names, like Metroid or Kirby or, in this case, Legend of Zelda.  Whether or not that's down to producer demands or an attempt to preserve those titles' status by restricting their appearances to only core games is unclear; actually, it might simply be down to these series all picking one particular game 'style' and sticking with it, whilst Mario in his first 3 core titles (Donkey Kong, Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros) went through 3 wildly different takes on what a platform game can be, so he's always been fairly malleable in that regard.

But let's just say a big 'whatever' to all that because now there's a Zelda Musou game and Nintendo would really like you to buy it okay.

Toy Pictorial: The Nintendo Trinity

In this dark time of reduced articulation, shelf-warmers, novelty gimmicks that don't work and G.I. Joe not really doing anything despite being on an anniversary year, it's comforting to know that the Japanese specialist market is still churning out some gold, provided you've got the money.  Which is a needlessly grim way of saying I've got the leads of the 3 best Nintendo franchises (no I do not rank Kirby or Donkey Kong up there, thankyou) in posable figure form and I could not be more happy about it.

More pics after the jump.

In Memoriam: My 18 Best Games for the Nintendo Wii

Well, here we are, then.  Journey's end.  How many years was it, five?  Six?  God, it makes me feel old when I can't remember a time before you were in my life.

You didn't have an easy time of it, that's for sure.  Even beyond me being a fool and holding off on buying you for three months - totally mum's fault - you always had that stigma to rise above.  The 'Casual Console', they called you.  As if that ever meant anything.  But they kept repeating it like a mantra, trying to spurn you for daring to be different; a spark of ingenuity amid a thick, noxious cloud of stagnation.  They tried to drown you, but I like to think I did my bit to keep your flame alive for as long as it was.

Even so, times change.  People grow old.  And lo, as you replaced your father, so now your son has come to replace you.  I've already started courting him, I'm not ashamed to say - he's got a little bit of growing up to do, a little more expansion of his repertoire, but I've got a good feeling.  You raised a smart kid.  Let that thought give you comfort as the final sleep takes you, my darling Wii.

...not that you're actually going anywhere, of course, I still need you for the occasional Eternal Darkness or Rogue Leader run-through.  *cough*  Uhm...yeah, so here's my picks for the best Wii games ever, I guess.

Craig's Most Wanted Games of 2013 (So Far)

Does exactly what it says on the tin.  These most certainly won't be the only games I buy over the next calendar year - I've got a lax understanding of fiscal responsibility - but they're the ones I'm really anticipating, and would definitely put money aside for in advance if I had that kind of sense.

Professor Layton and the Azran Legacies (3DS)

The Professor Layton series has been a pretty recent obsession of mine.  I completed the first game, Curious Village, almost 2 years ago, then forgot about the series, and only recently remembered them in the run-up to the arrival of the most recent game, Miracle Mask (also the first 3DS outing, and developers Level 5 made the transition very well).  Since then I've beaten Pandora's Box, Lost Future and Miracle Mask and am in the midst of Spectre's Call.  Whilst the simple logic puzzles are addictive in their own right, it's the quirky world, characters and stories that form each game's framework that have made me a fan, and with the promise that game 6, Azran Legacies, will both wrap up the overarching plot of the 'prequel trilogy' and be the last game to feature Layton himself as the protagonist (!), I'm very anxious to get my mitts on this one.  It's due out in Japan in February, but given the massive volume of text to localise, I'm not expecting it to drop in the UK until much later in the year.  It'll be worth it.

Aliens: Colonial Marines (multi-format)

Probably the most imminent arrival of everything on this list, Gearbox Software's love letter to Aliens doesn't look to be the most original or daring FPS I or anyone else has ever played, but it does look set to play to the strengths of the Marine campaigns in the various AVP games (typically the best parts of those titles) and the universe of Aliens is the sort of world I never mind returning to.  It helps that the devs have been hyping up the Wii U version as the 'best' version, though what this means beside using the GamePad as a movie-accurate motion tracker is beyond me.

The Wii U: Thoughts in Advance

At this point, saying I'm a bit excited about the impending (hurry up next month!) launch of Nintendo's next home console is a pretty big understatement, and anyone who knows me and my gaming habits will find that only slightly less surprising than the facts that, yes, I've pre-ordered one, and no, I haven't even started to plan out my big purchases in advance to make sure I'll have the money for it.  :P

Even so, I feel like I should try to put some of my thoughts regarding the system, its games and the ramifications of its existence down here for posterity, if nothing else to prove my fanboy credentials.