Now Playing: HYRULE WARRIORS

 One of these days, that scarf's gonna wrap over his eyes

and he'll stab himself by mistake.

Developed by Omega Force.

Co-published by Nintendo and Tecmo-Koei.

Released mid-September 2014.

Format: WiiU exclusive.

Hold the presses - Nintendo farm out prized characters for unrelated spin-off title from lesser studio!  NEWS AT ELEVEN!

Actually, no, that's uncalled for.  While Nintendo absolutely deserve the snark they get for, say, Mario and pals showing up in an NBA-branded basketball game, they are generally more cautious with a few of their other big names, like Metroid or Kirby or, in this case, Legend of Zelda.  Whether or not that's down to producer demands or an attempt to preserve those titles' status by restricting their appearances to only core games is unclear; actually, it might simply be down to these series all picking one particular game 'style' and sticking with it, whilst Mario in his first 3 core titles (Donkey Kong, Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros) went through 3 wildly different takes on what a platform game can be, so he's always been fairly malleable in that regard.

But let's just say a big 'whatever' to all that because now there's a Zelda Musou game and Nintendo would really like you to buy it okay.

Film Reaction: TEKKEN 2: KAZUYA'S REVENGE

 Hooray for lazy re-used art assets!

Okay then.  I can do this.  I can do this.

For those of you not as prone to chasing up every Tekken-related newsbit as I am, here's a quick catch-up: the earlier Tekken movie, released in either 2009 or 2010 by Crystal Sky Productions, made virtually no money in its super-limited cinema run before heading to DVD markets, but producers are a funny lot who can make excuses for anything, so somebody decided they really needed to keep hold of the license rights.  A couple years pass and some word-of-mouth goes around about a planned prequel movie titled Tekken: Rise of the Tournament, with Ong-Bak's Prachya Pinkaew set to direct.  Some people (me, mostly) get a bit excited.  This movie does not happen.

Months later, actor/martial artist Kane Kosugi excitably blabs about getting the lead role in Tekken: The Man Called X.  Most assume this is the prequel under a new title.  A few days after that, Kosugi's talent agency issues a retraction, saying the film is actually titled Agent X and has nothing to do with the Tekken license.  The production goes on with little to no further notice.

Finally, in August 2014, the film's trailers debut little over a week from its planned straight-to-video release...and announce it as Tekken 2: Kazuya's Revenge.  No sign of anyone called X anywhere but Kosugi is definitely front and center.  I have watched it.  Now you watch as I attempt to make sense of it all.