Friday, 13 September 2013

Further Adventures of Minimate Nina, part drei: Canada's Foulest Export

Somewhere in the verdant rainforests of, um, Alberta...
???: *sniffing noises*

Old Man James Logan Patch Weapon X Wolverine Lucky Jim Howlett*: Grrr, snikt, bub, bub, snikt, grr!
Wolverine: ...tch, screw it, this Williams broad ain't even here.  *sniffles*  Damn seasons...
Wolverine: Maybe Summers gave me the wrong' maybe I shouldn't
creep on his crazy girlfriend when he's in the room.  Might be sourin' his attitude.
Wolverine: Oh, who'm I kiddin', I'm THE BEST THERE IS at WHAT I DO.  And WHAT I DO
is BE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.  Yeeeaaaah!  So I'll give this another 10 minutes
then tell Cyke to shove it...

Behind Wolverine: *suspicious movement*
Nina: Ugh, another minute under that worm-ridden log and my hair
would've been unsalvageable.  Now how do I get the drop on a guy
with super-senses?...maybe by not even trying?

Wolverine: Wh - I TOLD Y'ALL NOT TO CALL ME THAT!  And these toys
make us all the same height anyw - wait, are you - ?

*guns cocking*
Nina: Yup, that works.

Nina: This is oddly therapeutic.

Wolverine: OW OW OW ow ow *pants* can't...ow...more...punctured...lungs...
Nina: Typical, just when I was enjoying myself.
Wolverine: Ha...hahaha...ahhh...I c'n take whatever you got, b -

Nina: Sure, sure. Hairy midget with cutlery in his knuckles and rapid healing,
suppose I haven't killed one of you before.  There's a first time for everything, though.
Nina: Don't suppose you're willing to tell me why you're tracking me down?

Wolverine: Eh, you ain't never gonna live long enough for it ta matter!

Nina: A double-negative?  Don't they teach you anything in the Xavier
School for Village Idiots these days?
Wolverine: Ha!  What're you gonna do with them things, pick my teeth?

Nina: I'd make a quip about size not mattering, but I imagine you've heard
it before.


Nina: Nice sound effect.

Wolverine: Buh...but my claws are supposed to cut through anything?  Not fair!
Nina: Swing and a miss!


Wolverine: Gah!  Ehh, I didn't need those tendons anyways!
Nina: Or these?


Wolverine: OW my nipple!

Nina: Yeesh, you're the worst mass-murderer I've ever stabbed.
Wolverine:  OOF!

Nina: Wow, how did you get all that hair under that mask?
Wolverine: ugh no mommy i dont wanna go to school today

Nina: Huh, I must've hit you harder than I thought.  Look, if you're gonna be
this much of a baby about it, can we just call it a day?


Nina:  F***ing Grant Morrison!

Nina: Great, those things cost a packet and I lose them just when my
contracts have all dried up!
Nina: Hup!

Wolverine: STAY STILL!

Nina: Uh, no?
Wolverine: I got ya cornered now!

Nina: Okay, firstly, no, you don't.  I could run away for a solid half-hour
without reaching impassable ground.  Secondly, whenever I go on a camping
trip, I always pack more stuff than I need...
Nina: so.

Wolverine: The hell's that?

Nina: Another sword. Kind of special. Borrowed it from a friend.  Well, I didn't
so much borrow as 'take'...and I guess he's not really a friend per se, but...

Wolverine: *unprintable swearing*

Nina: Huh...remind me to leave Yoshimitsu a thankyou Post-It.
This beauty works wonders.
Nina: Okay, since we have now established that 'unbreakable'
bones aren't, maybe you could try calming down?

Wolverine:  Nnnnngh...

Nina: This isn't the first time I've been randomly blindsided these
past few months and I'd be a fool if I didn't see a pattern emerging.
I don't know who it is behind it all, but if you've got anything worth saying -

Wolverine: How's about this...

Nina: *sigh* Dumbest retcon ever.
Wolverine: ARRRRGHHHH!

Nina: Don't make me - oh, what the hell.

Nina: There can be only one...guy with a missing head.  Actually, where'd that
head go - oh, here it comes.

Nina: Nothing left to say?

Wolverine:  X_X

Nina: Didn't think so.

Elsewhere, in a really bright-white supervillain lair...
Puppet Master: Well...shit.  The boss isn't gonna like this.

Also elsewhere, aboard the SHIELD Helicarrier...
Maria Hill: Alright, people, you've read the reports and seen the videos.
Nina Williams used to be a minor problem, one we exploited for the good of
the world on occasion, but now she's a clear and present threat to global
security, and I hear she just ex'd one of the X-Men.  We need the best of the best
to bring this lady down, so...can I count on your team, Captain?
Captain America: If she's half as dangerous as you say she is, Hill,
rest assured that the Avengers are going to bring miss Williams down.

To be continued...

Notes:  Where do I begin...okay, I was getting bored of always taking pics of my toys in the same places, so I chose to break things up by doing this one outside, in the garden.  The garden which is usually left to rot for months at a time and is an ugly mess full of spiders and wasps, both of which I fear.  Not good.  Plus, thanks to some dodgy shifts at work, the only times I could get into the garden for long enough to shoot the sequence would be after dark, and I didn't want to attract weird looks from the neighbours by using the flash.  As luck would have it, my days off this past week synched up with the lawn getting mown, so the grass was of manageable height, and looks like dense foliage for the Minimates without going overboard and smothering them completely.

Then it started to rain.  I have no idea how waterproof my camera is supposed to be - I'd guess 'not very' - but that plus having to lie down in increasingly damp grass to get the right angles meant I did kind of rush this story, and looking at the shots now I wish I'd stuck around longer to get some of them to focus properly.  Also, yes, my attempts to add 'effects' with MS Paint are lame.  I'm trying to hold back on them as much as I can, but sometimes - like with the guns - you need some sort of visual cue that the weapons are firing, not just being aimed.

Other than technical issues, what's more to say?  I hate Wolverine, always have, dating back to the days of the '90s X-Men cartoon; being an IRL rule-abiding bookworm nerd I cottoned onto Cyclops as my inspirational figure, and Logan of course is the polar opposite, an obnoxious imbecile who can only respond to any situation he finds himself in by stabbing things.  So getting Nina (who is also a killer, but only when necessary and not more than that - key difference) to hand him his arse was a priority.  As for the cameo players here, the bloke in the apron is the Puppet Master, a very old-school Fantastic Four enemy who is the only bad guy I currently own with mind-control powers.  He's also a really great Minimate - I love the face they gave him, and the little clay 'dolls' are fantastic, so I was kinda keen to do something with him.  I'm sure you know the Avengers...I've been collecting most of the Marvel movieverse figs but I still lack Nick Fury and Hawkeye, so I'm using Maria Hill as a Fury stand-in and have added in the non-movie heroes Wonder Man and Ms. Marvel (sidenote: hey Diamond Select, why no Captain Marvel fig for Carol yet, over a year since she changed looks?) to round out the team.  How will Nina handle a handicap match against Earth's Mightiest Heroes?

...dunno yet, I haven't planned it out.  Sure I'll think of something.


  1. /dead

    My comment could easily turn into a quote-fest, as there are so many quotable lines in this. I laughed so much haha :-D
    I wish this was like a daily comic series in the newspaper that I could read each morning.
    I absolutely admire your comedic talent, timing and witty humour.
    The MS Paint effects are hilarious and only add to the images. I thought this was their whole purpose... to be amateurish! Additional charm! Don't hold back on them! I need at least one of these strips to be a bad-effects-bonanza brim-full with Paint SFX haha
    And what are you talking about with the pictures? The shots are beautiful. The first shot revealing Nina is my favourite. So cinematic. I'm always amazed how lively these tiny, heavily stylized plastic fellas come across in you pictures.

    Well, that's what I call a cliffhanger!

    1. As quite possibly my one and only reader of these posts, I continue to be deeply thankful for your compliments. :)

      Yeah, the effects are meant to be bad...but sometimes they're either not bad enough, or I had some weird idea of making them 'good' and it didn't work out. Also, they always look bigger when I'm making them, then I put the finished photos on the blog and everything seems so small. Sure, you can blow the images up in gallery view,

      As for the photography, it's the focus that bugs me. Like in those 'after' dramatic shots of Nina severing bits of Logan with Yoshi's sword - the camera automatically focused on Logan both times, and I couldn't get it to show Nina's face in non-blurry mode. They still kinda work, just not necessarily how I wanted...and I would've stayed out there all day to get it right if I wasn't being soaked and slowly covered in slugs.