Tuesday 9 April 2013

Toy Review: G.I. Joe Kre-Ons Wave 1 + Checkpoint Alpha


Let the battle begin!
Also: admire my hamfisted efforts to erect a white background for
better pics.  Blergh.
 
 
Long-time readers of this blog do not need to be reminded of my fascination with G.I. Joe - actually, nobody does, since my last post was on the subject...but of all the things I'd previously wished for from the toys, 'get even smaller' was not on the list.  That said, when Hasbro announced the first bunch of Joe products for their Kre-o building block range, I was smitten at first sight, albeit cautiously so.  Lego was an obsession of mine growing up, of course, but I'd also been hooked into buying some of their newer superhero-themed sets - getting some Joes on the same scale who could interact with dinky Superman, Captain America and co.?  Intriguing.
 
 
I dub this piece 'Battle of the Ninja Ziggurat'.
I do not entirely know what a ziggurat is.
 
 
So I went and bought the cheapest set, Checkpoint Alpha, and...pretty much fell in love with the thing, and with thanks to a very helpful eBay seller I also got my grubby hands on the full wave of 12 mini-figures (Kre-ons) sold individually in blind bags.  None of this stuff seems destined to make it beyond America, thanks to Hasbro having chickened out over marketing the Joe brand internationally after the mess they made with the Rise of Cobra toys (too much early stock clogging up shelves, limited promotion, overestimating production etc.) - which is a shame since, taken on their own merits, I think these little guys have the potential to catch on in a way their 4" progenitors never did.


Firefly and Old!Joe slug it out while the helpless Trooper
taps out to the horrors of Order's foul smell and constant licking.
 
Each Kre-on figure is roughly the same size as a Lego equivalent, and has identical-shape studs and holes at the 'connection points' on their head and legs, so despite being a different brand they'll work just fine with Lego, Mega Bloks or anything else similar you might have laying about.  In terms of construction, they're largely the same 3-piece base build as Legos - head, body, legs - although rather than just detachable hands, here the entire arm can pop off easily at the shoulder and be swapped out.  The joints in general offer that little bit more range of motion than on a Lego man; the arms and legs have enough wiggle room to go out to the side as well as back and forward, and with a single central spike holding the torso to the legs rather than 2 side-by-side, the figs can swivel at the waist as well.  It's nowhere near Minimate-level posability but it gives them a few more options.
 
Paint decals across the board are crisp and colourful, and in a sample of 14 figures I've seen no noticable errors.  On the downside, most of the figs have disappointingly plain, blank backs, something Lego have been improving with each passing year.  Hopefully Hasbro can learn from that.  Art-wise, I love how the toys look as a whole, and how so many of the defining details are carried over from the original 80s figures (and to be clear, these are all old-school looks - no film tie-in toys in this line so far).
 
Anyway, let's take a closer look at each individual Real American Hero and...whatever it is we call Cobra people.  'THE ENEMY', I guess.
 
 
Rock 'N' Roll
The Joes' original heavy machine-gunner (who lost the 'heavy' title when Roadblock showed up) arrives sporting the olive drab uniform that was common to nearly all the team upon their 1982 debut.  Of course, even then, RnR stood out with his crossed ammo belts, and they're recreated here as separate plastic pieces rather than just paint apps, which both looks much better AND leaves you with a plain 'original 13' base torso for customs if you get any duplicates.  His face has the customary beard, although it's so yellow it can be hard to see.  The green helmet matches the old design very well, and the gun - mostly a single piece, with extra barrel-extension and a bipod - is crazy huge, possibly a bit too big for a guy usually toting an M249 SAW, but then most of the guns for Kre-ons are massive, as we'll see, so I can dig it.  A great homage and fun figure, now I just need the rest of the 82-ers...
 
Scarlett
The Joes' First Lady and perenially popular partner/love interest for either Duke or Snake Eyes (or maybe Ripcord) depending on which continuity you follow, miz Shana O'Hara's classic leotard-over-tights look actually looks way better in cubic form than it ever did before, possibly because you can no longer tell it is a leotard over tights.  There's just enough curvy detail to imply a feminine figure, and the ninja stars on her wrists are a great little touch, but that hair...urgh.  I don't wanna sound like one of those misogynist types who can't look at a woman with short hair and not think 'lesbian', but Scarlett's hair has never looked like this before.  If there was a ponytail on the back it'd alright, but like this it just looks like somebody goofed with the mould.  She comes with her crossbow, which has one enormous bolt that kinda-sorta actually fires, based on the same 'flick missile' principle as Lego has been sticking to all their themed sets, and it works just as well here, i.e. it doesn't really work at all.  It's the thought that counts, though, and the weapon looks fine without the huge missile in place.
 
Adventure Team Commander
Now this guy is odd.  The 'Adventure Team' was one of the gimmicky lines for the original 12"-tall Joes from the 60s, which turned the generic central character from a multi-purpose soldier into something less combat-driven - mountaineer, arctic explorer and so on.  Of course, the 12" Joe has since been retconned into the mythology of the 4" Joes as the team's founder/inspiration, and if I recall correctly various members of the Adventure Team were updated as 4" figures for one of the Collector Club exclusive sets, but even so, it's remarkable to have such an obscure character and concept brought into this new wave.  And yes, for those who've seen Retaliation, this dude = Lego Bruce Willis, except with hair and stuff.  And yes, it is LIFE-LIKE HAIR, all fuzzy and flocked, because the Hasbro boys couldn't resist the lure of nostalgic nods.  Hence also the swappable heads, one with mouth agape to simulate the old 'talking' action feature, and the small green brick given a sticker deco resembling the box art for a 12" Joe, albeit in Kre-o style.  I might not be the target audience for this guy, but I do still love him all the same.  Now how exactly could they get a Kung-Fu Grip hand to work at this size...?
 
Torpedo
Torpedo was G.I. Joe's first...uhm...water guy, I guess.  Y'know, I don't actually remember what (if any) branch of the military he came from.  Simple answer would be Navy SEALs but that was actually Shipwreck's old unit, and he came out the same year, I think...whatever, while Shipwreck was basically Popeye, this guy is a diver, so they are distinctly different.  It's hard to look at Torpedo and see 'wetsuit' as opposed to just 'commando' or 'ninja', but the black-&-grey colours are accurate to the original figure.  It's the gear that makes the man here, with Torp's scuba equipment done as a single piece (save for the clear, snap-on visor/goggles) and a pair of flippers that fit snugly on his feet.  On the downside, with the flippers on he can't connect his feet to studded surfaces, and the goggles connect rather loosely and flap up and down too easily.  He's also armed with a speargun and a knife, so he's all set for hunting big fish but kinda screwed against anyone with an actual gun, but I can see how adding a pistol on top of all this would be costly and I'm sure I can find a spare for him someplace.  All in all, he's only an okay figure, but as a sucker for environment-specific Joes I still like having him.
 
Jinx
Kim 'Jinx' Arashikage - cousin of Storm Shadow - first appeared in toy form alongside the 1987 animated G.I. Joe: The Movie, it of Sgt. Slaughter, Duke's retconned death and Cobra-La fame.  She got a lot to do in the movie and was probably the least idiotic of the debutantés, but then she dropped off the face of the earth, with Hasbro seemingly forgetting she existed.  And then she inexplicably turned up in Retaliation, and since the trailers first started hitting Hasbro have been almost spamming us with Jinxes: 2 classic-styled Comic-Con exclusives, the Collectors' Club futuristic stealth suit version, at least 1 film-accurate figure for the Retaliation line, and now she's a Kre-on too.  Sticking with the classic look, Jinx is red from head to toe, with enough creases to imply baggy, loose-fitting clothes whilst still giving her some female physique lines, not to mention very pretty eyes.  She also gets a soft fabric 'belt' that leaves 2 trailing edges down one hip, which is an interesting solution to doing ninja belts on this scale.  For armament, she has a simple katana that slots into a thin backpack that's common amongst all the ninja characters, plus a...a...thing?  It's 2 sais stuck together with a connecting piece, and it looks pretty weird.  I'm probably going to just ditch the connector and just give her the sais.  Probably the nicest of the ninjas I've got so far.
 
Kamakura
"Camera what?" I hear you say, not without reason.  Even moreso than the Adventure Team Commander, Kamakura wins the award for Most Obscure Inclusion here, although in this case it's because he's actually not old enough.  He was invented by the writers of the G.I. Joe comic series published by Devil's Due Press during the first half of the 2000s and debuted as a toy during those odd, generally disliked years between the classic O-ring figures and the G3 models from the 25th Anniversary onwards; that plus his being another ninja in a series which almost inarguably had too many ninjas by that point meant he never really got that much exposure.  Nevertheless, ninjas are back in vogue now, and Kamakura has the advantage of not being directly tied to the 'Ninja Force' plot aneurysm of the 90s, which means someone might be happy to see him.  His classic colours of bright green shirt and pants with black mask are replicated well - I mean, they're still an eyesore, but it's an accurate eyesore - and he has some nice detailing on both wrists; you can see the Arashikage symbol on his right in the pic, but his left has something different - maybe a communicator?  It looks like tech.  He gets the same backpack, sword and cloth-belt as Jinx, plus a black version of Torpedo's knife, which...doesn't really scream 'ninja', if I'm honest.  Still not a bad figure, but probably the least exciting in Wave 1.
 
Quick Kick
I've always liked Quick Kick, even knowing he makes no sense.  If the Joes had at least one honest-to-god ninja (Snake Eyes) on the roster for years, why do they suddenly need a dedicated martial arts instructor?  The simple answer is that The Karate Kid was really popular in the 80s and Hasbro were trying to play up to that, but in my mind Quick Kick's place on the team is, logically, based on him being even more dangerous with fists and feet than Snake Eyes is.  And since Snake Eyes could defeat Batman with one arm behind his back, I guess Quick Kick is so awesome he can blow up a tank by punching it in the front grill.  Anyways, Q-K gets his classic gear, which means black pants and only a belt and red bandolier to cover his bare chest.  These decals actually get mirrored on his back for a change, which is nice, although they're usually obscured by a ninja backpack.  One disappointment: the attempt to duplicate Q-K's bare feet is limited to fleshtone paint on the front of the 'toes', which doesn't really look right at all.  Still, the rest of the outfit (and the wonderful smirking face) carry the look more than adequately.  As well as the aforementioned backpack and matching sword, Quick Kick gets a 2-piece nunchaku (the join is in the middle and bends in nearly any direction, which is great), a pair of shurikens which I cannot get him to hold for love or money, and a red brick with a sticker marking it as a 'Frozen Fudgee Bar'.  What is a Fudgee bar?  Hell if I know, something from the cartoon probably.  Probably the most 'fun' figure all around.
 
Cobra Trooper
Most of the Cobra figures in Wave 1 are army-builders, which makes sense: it hurts less to wind up with doubles if it's a bunch of generic soldiers who should be outnumbering the good guys.  And you don't get more generic than the original, vanilla Cobra Trooper.  Moulded in a nice vibrant blue, he's covered in detail work for multiple buckles and straps, which makes it all the more annoying that his back is devoid of any of it...the helmet is the same mould as Rock 'N' Roll's, which means it's not really the right shape for a blueshirt, but the different colour at least makes the similarity minimal.  His primary weapon is a black AK-47-ish rifle with a barrel extender and a scope on top which kinda looks like a mini-rocket; again, it's comically huge, but it does look mean and cool.  He also carries a hand grenade, which is a lovely little mould, and the 'handle' fits his grip perfectly.  I am not and never have been the biggest fan of the classic Trooper, but this is a pretty great adaptation of it.
 
Alley-Viper
The elite.  The baddest of the bad.  Specially trained for urban operations.  Carrying almost their own body weight in armour and weapons.  Also mascots for the Denver Broncos when time permits.  The Alley-Vipers are all these things, and that is what makes them so awesome. (unless it's Resolute where they're just Troopers with bigger vests and they suck) The fig captures them in their old-school colours of eye-searing orange and baby-blue camo splotches, because much like Moon Knight, the Alley-Vipers do not give a single f*** about blending in with the environment.  To see their shiny orange helmets is to know the certainty of death.  Anyways, the detail work on both the legs and the torso is fantastic, showing all the equipment pouches and even a knife-sheath, and they even made a cursory effort to continue the camo on his arms.  The helmet and visor are separate pieces, and connect more tightly than Torpedo's did.  How does the A-V see through the visor?  They don't need to.  They can see without eyes.  They can taste your fear on the wind.  In addition, the A-V gets a backpack with a fairly large bucket-like space to hold...uh, nothing he actually comes with.  Maybe if you've got a spare grenade kicking around?  More useful is the clip on the side, which can hold either of his guns in place.  And yes, that's guns plural, because as well as a nice M4-style rifle, even this shrunken A-V gets his grapple-hook gun!  It's actually a shotgun by standard, with the grapnel attached via a universal clip, but it's enough to fool the eye.  He also comes with 2 shields, one large and one small; I have him holding the large one up there since it looks more like the size of a riot shield in comparison to his body.  This guy is just pure win and evil combined.
 
Crimson Guard
The main problem with the Crimson Guard is that he's not an Alley-Viper.  Alright, that's unfair, but this one does leave a bit to be desired.  Not in the paint stakes, mind you, since they're as sharp as ever, even for the lines of buttons on the front of his jacket, the little wings or medals or whatever they are, and the silver cord hanging down from one shoulder.  Hell, they even went and added epaullettes to the top side of his torso (sadly not visible in the pic), which I think is unique to the CG in this line.  Impressive!  What's not so impressive is the re-use of that same helmet again.  The classic CG had another fairly distinct helmet, and though it's nice they printed on the forehead emblem this still doesn't look right.  Also annoying is the lack of a backpack; the CGs have always had, again, a very unique, solid metal-looking backpack, which survived the transition to the 25th Anniversary series unchanged and even got put on the 12" high-grade figure from Sideshow.  And if it was here it would at least cover up the plain back of the figure.  His gun has the same basic AK-47 frame as the Trooper's but minus the scope or extended barrel, plus a black Torpedo knife clipped on as a bayonet, which is a nice nod to their old armaments.  Even so, this one's a disappointment.
 
Ninja-Viper
...remember how I said ninjas were back in vogue when I was talking about Kamakura?  That is the only reason anyone would ever possibly be interested in seeing this guy back in the Joe line.  The Red Ninjas were a pretty early addition to the Cobra ranks, a platoon of subordinate ninja henchmen loyal to Storm Shadow, and in the later years Hasbro tried to fill the gap they left with new ninja army builders.  Some of these, like the Night Creepers, were interesting and took the ninja motif in new directions.  On the other hand, there is the Ninja-Viper.  Even the name is more interesting than the toy; a true fusion of ninjas and some of Cobra's crazier specialist infantry would be something to behold, but no, it's just a Red Ninja painted teal.  They'd call him Spearmint Ninja if that didn't sound like he was gonna give you a lapdance.  The decals are applied well, and...are the exact same as those found on the Storm Shadow and Red Ninja figures from the Ninja Showdown building set I don't own.  Even the big head-wrap thing is carried over from them.  In addition to that and the typical ninja backpack and sword, the N-V gets a pair of linked kama scythes, which are pretty weird weapons but do fit the ninja motif better than Kamakura's knife.  Sadly, the thread connecting them isn't attached in the package, so you'll have to tie it up yourself.  I have not done a good job of this.  Not an awful figure, but disposable, forgettable, and taking up a space that could've gone to someone more interesting.
 
Dice  Cobra Axe Ninja
Wait, what?  The hell is an 'Axe Ninja'?  Now, Hasbro do frequently change up the names when they make new figures of old characters in case they don't own the copyright and might get sued - hell, Jinx in this series is actually marked Kim Arashikage with no sign of her codename.  But...but the Collectors' Club issued a Dice earlier this year, and he was called Dice.  It was on his display stand and everything.  How could the rights have been lost in a matter of months?  Or is this just because someone said the name was dumb on its own? (an irrelevant point when his partner Slice is part of wave 2) Tch, whatever, it's Dice, and a fairly decent adaptation of him.  The striking purple of his outfit is carried over, and there's the usual slavish attention to detail on his torso, with the crossed bandoliers, shurikens and grenades painted on.  The attempt to paint on his crazy-looking mask is less successful, giving the impression of weird warpaint rather than intricate headgear; I understand the cost factor in tooling up a mask that wouldn't see use beyond this one guy, but man, he really needed it.  Surprisingly, he doesn't get the ninja backpack, but then Dice was always one for slightly mad weapons, as is the case here.  He's got a 2-piece axe, sporting a massive blade with some odd lines embossed on its surface, and a...I don't know exactly what the other thing is, but I'll go with spear.  It uses the same handle as the axe, but has 2 connector pieces that allow for Torpedo knives to be added to each end.  They're not quite as ornamental as the blades on his old gear but they work.  A good shot at an obscure character, but it leaves room for improvement.
 
Checkpoint Alpha
My first taste of Joe Kre-o was this set, the cheapest of the actual building-block packs available - and while there isn't a lot to it, it offers enough for good play value.  The actual checkpoint building is done in nice semi-real colours and has enough features to feel plausible; the laptop-ish computer inside the booth, the ladder at the side, and the antenna, spotlight and missile launcher on top.  The launcher is still a flick missile but it works a lot better than most others I've seen, and its mounting lets it rotate and elevate quite a bit.  You also get a little bit of red fencing and a Cobra-branded motorcycle.  The bike's quite vanilla, with no machine guns or turn-into-a-cluster-bomb button, but the shape of the thing is nicely sleek and figures stay on it pretty well.  It even balances without needing any sort of kickstand.
In addition, Checkpoint Alpha features another two Kre-ons:
 
Law & Order
Law is the man, Order is the dog, so we're clear.  These two weren't the first man-dog pairing in Joe history - Mutt & Junkyard preceded them - but they made a hell of a lot more sense, being a military policeman and his K-9 partner as opposed to just 'some dude we hired who has a dog with him'.  Even so, Law's original outfit skewed a touch far from reality, what with the red t-shirt under a sky-blue flak jacket worn like a waistcoat.  Those colours are presented proudly here, along with neat decals adding pockets and a pistol holster to his front, not to mention 'MP' lettering on his shoulder and helmet.  Yes, the same helmet again, but Law's was always that shape so I don't mind.  Besides the hat, Law gets a plain black riot shield, the same handgun as Adventure Team Commander and, of course, Order, who is supplied in 2 parts (head & body) and is almost insufferably cute, which kinda makes up for having no joints of any kind.  (note that the red brick here was included in the Checkpoint set, though only 1 of them so it's been shared in the next pic)
 
Firefly
One of Cobra's oldest and most well-established agents, this mysterious, sneaky, rarely-speaking merc saboteur (or cackling Southern lunatic master of exploding robot insects in Retaliation, either way works) is a longtime fan favourite, and he's been transformed into Kre-on form brilliantly.  The all-over grey urban camo of the original design still looks great (and even continues around the back!) and the extra details, like his crossed bandoliers and scowling eyes, stand out without being distracting.  He's got the same backpack as the Alley-Viper but now has something to stash in it, namely a bright red TNT bomb.  Okay, that's a little primitive for Firefly - it's no tube of robot explodo-bugs, certainly - but it fits the brightly-coloured cartoony aesthetic of Kre-o.  For dealing with those pesky types who get between the blow-up-er and blow-up-ee, Firefly is packing a nice MP5K-style SMG with a 2-piece suppressor that, yup, makes the whole thing enormous, but it's still a nice gun.  Firefly's always been a favourite of mine, and I love that he's been translated so well here.
 
~+~
 
I thought at first that Kre-o would be a passing phase for me.  Now, though?  I want it all!  I want the awesome Cobra APC!  I want the good ninjas!  I want the weird oil-rig battle platform thing!  I want Will Bill in a helicopter!  I even want that rubbish boat! (okay, that one I can live without) The amount of care and fanboyish love being put into this line is amazing, and I want it to last forever.  Or at least a couple years, 'til the next movie.  Whichever works.  YO JOE!
 
 
Ninja Ziggurat: THE AFTERMATH




















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